Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanBannedStand
Glad it's working out for you. Your experience is atypical. 90% of men delete their profiles within 90 days. I started a new POF a couple of weeks ago, never knew there was a rule that your profile had to be up before 24 hours before you could delete it.
Lol.
Probably because they met someone in that time frame. I'll turn mine off within a week and see where these go. Not enough time to keep doing 2-3 first meetings each week anyway.
But I looked at POF once. Seems like trailer park rejects / uneducated people mostly.
Then message the not-so-hot women. I rarely received messages and I'm not obese.
Tried that, no dice. Like I said, I don't do it anymore. Colossal waste of time. I think my main problem with it, and maybe dating in general, is that I don't like to compete.
I'm sure it works for some men who are above-average attractiveness, and who don't mind spending tons and tons of time on it. I'd rather spend time on things where the rate of return is a little better.
My last relationship was a disaster that really destroyed me, and had profound adverse effects for me psychologically for reasons both directly and indirectly related to it.
I've more or less resigned myself to being alone since that seems to be the safest play for me.
Tried that, no dice. Like I said, I don't do it anymore. Colossal waste of time. I think my main problem with it, and maybe dating in general, is that I don't like to compete.
I'm sure it works for some men who are above-average attractiveness, and who don't mind spending tons and tons of time on it. I'd rather spend time on things where the rate of return is a little better.
My last relationship was a disaster that really destroyed me, and had profound adverse effects for me psychologically for reasons both directly and indirectly related to it.
I've more or less resigned myself to being alone since that seems to be the safest play for me.
Eh, I had a guy friend of mine tell me the same thing and it turns out he was just messaging the no-quite-as-hot-but-still-really-hot women thinking they were the unattractive ones.
Regardless, women are pretty intuitive and if you're giving off negative or bitter vibes it's no wonder they aren't interested. My last relationship was also a bummer and it took me a long time to recover from it. Even with my boyfriend now I have issues trusting and he's helping me work through them.
Eh, I had a guy friend of mine tell me the same thing and it turns out he was just messaging the no-quite-as-hot-but-still-really-hot women thinking they were the unattractive ones.
Regardless, women are pretty intuitive and if you're giving off negative or bitter vibes it's no wonder they aren't interested. My last relationship was also a bummer and it took me a long time to recover from it. Even with my boyfriend now I have issues trusting and he's helping me work through them.
Yes, you're right, I probably should have started messaging the women I wasn't attracted to at all, maybe that would have worked.
And, the body of my experience with OLD was before that relationship happened, so my current bitterness wasn't a factor.
And also, do you realize the irony that you, yourself, admitted to carrying some baggage from your previous relationship, and yet you were able to find a new one? But my baggage is what is/was holding me back?
Don't waste your good advice on me. Like I said, I don't like to compete, and for men all relationships are a constant competition to keep your lady interested and satisfied, because she'll always always always be receiving other offers. I just can't take that kind of pressure. I got burned really, really bad last time around and, again when you're a man, a ***** in the armor like that is detected by women like blood in the water and they run the other direction if you can't project this air of constant confidence and self assuredness.
On the positive side, I've had a lot of partners, probably more than most men, some serious LTR's, some love, some not so serious STR's, and a lot of casual sex and FWB's. I'm 34, I've run the full gambit of relationships and am now retired.
Yes, you're right, I probably should have started messaging the women I wasn't attracted to at all, maybe that would have worked.
And, the body of my experience with OLD was before that relationship happened, so my current bitterness wasn't a factor.
And also, do you realize the irony that you, yourself, admitted to carrying some baggage from your previous relationship, and yet you were able to find a new one? But my baggage is what is/was holding me back?
Don't waste your good advice on me. Like I said, I don't like to compete, and for men all relationships are a constant competition to keep your lady interested and satisfied, because she'll always always always be receiving other offers. I just can't take that kind of pressure. I got burned really, really bad last time around and, again when you're a man, a ***** in the armor like that is detected by women like blood in the water and they run the other direction if you can't project this air of constant confidence and self assuredness.
On the positive side, I've had a lot of partners, probably more than most men, some serious LTR's, some love, some not so serious STR's, and a lot of casual sex and FWB's. I'm 34, I've run the full gambit of relationships and am now retired.
Like I said above, it's the safest play for me.
Well, I'm 30 and in my second relationship ever...so it's not like I dated around or anything. I've only been in one LTR before this and it ended in my early 20s...haven't even had a short term relationship before this. I mean, you say you've been in a few relationships so obviously you're desirable in some way...considering I can barely get a date and it took me YEARS to find a guy who was interested in me beyond a first date says something. You're apparently desirable, but just have super high standards which is fine, but not all of us can pick and choose like you can apparently.
As for messaging people you aren't attracted to... well, that's a bummer isn't it? If the people you're attracted to aren't attracted to you in return then it's probably best you 'retire'. If it doesn't work between me and my boyfriend I'll likely be doing the same. And if you're only dating women who are always always always receiving other offers then you're likely dating very desirable women, because I don't have any other 'offers' unless you count the homeless guy who told me I was pretty in the subway station a few weeks ago...
Well, I'm 30 and in my second relationship ever...so it's not like I dated around or anything. I've only been in one LTR before this and it ended in my early 20s...haven't even had a short term relationship before this. I mean, you say you've been in a few relationships so obviously you're desirable in some way...considering I can barely get a date and it took me YEARS to find a guy who was interested in me beyond a first date says something. You're apparently desirable, but just have super high standards which is fine, but not all of us can pick and choose like you can apparently.
As for messaging people you aren't attracted to... well, that's a bummer isn't it? If the people you're attracted to aren't attracted to you in return then it's probably best you 'retire'. If it doesn't work between me and my boyfriend I'll likely be doing the same. And if you're only dating women who are always always always receiving other offers then you're likely dating very desirable women, because I don't have any other 'offers' unless you count the homeless guy who told me I was pretty in the subway station a few weeks ago...
I've already taken a break, 2 years and counting and I don't really have a desire to go back. My last relationship really did a number on me, she treated me terribly: lied, cheated....then lied and cheated some more. Then happily trotted off into her next relationship. I really, really loved her, and though I've gotten past the toxic desire to want to be with her, I still think about her every....single....day.
I guess I used to do pretty well, but I've totally lost my mojo. My sex drive has completely disappeared. Please spare me the "you need counseling" routine, because I really have no desire to "fix it" and get back out there. It just is what it is.
I'm not sure how we got to this place in the convo, I really just wanted to say that OLD is pretty crappy in my experience.
ABS, hey, I feel for your transitional period now, as much as it hurts, you will eventually get beyond the hurt and feelings you have now, it really does just take one day at a time...like everything.
Once someone leaves you damaged like that, it makes you really want to hide, and guess what? No one is going to stop you from doing that. You can lick your wounds, er sorry for the metaphor, gather your strength, and when you know you are ready, you can try again with finding a healthy person who isn't going to abuse you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
