Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
I'm not a feminist. I'm actually much more of a traditionalist, a progressive one.
I don't have an issue with you not wanting to pay. What I take issue with is your bitterness towards men who don't want to give you a free ride. It says a lot about you personally, but it also gives traditional women a bad name.
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There's no bitterness. And I'm really tired of people trying to shame me and name call me for sticking to my guns on the issue. You've just called me bitter and accused me of wanting a "free ride" simply because I have not caved on the issue.
You are not a traditionalist. You are a traditionalist when it suits your needs, which is exactly what causes the confusion on the issue and what causes people to confuse independence with feminism and gender roles.
I guess anyone who holds firm to their personal belief that men should be men is "bitter". But I feel the opposite. I'm not bitter, just holding out for what I want. Bitter are the women who have dated multiple men, paid for multiple dates, had sex with multiple partners and have never been married and wonder why.
That's not me.
I've had and seen a good relationship, been married, loved and lost and I'm willing to wait for a good one again because it's worth it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Wow. You're a piece of work. Listen, all the men I've dated have paid for most stuff, though I do throw in. But I do a lot for them. I certainly do not feel entitled.
You may not be up for auction, but why should the guy you are dating be?
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Nobody is up for auction over a piece of chicken. You've missed my point. It's not about the friggen chicken.
I am a nice piece of work, thank you for noticing. I've worked my butt off to get here too. I can't respect a man who hasn't done as much for his own life. Which means that although I could pay for myself and him, I'm not willing to. I don't feel "entitled". I feel that it's a proper form of dating etiquette. Buying my chicken and letting me give him half back is a measure of: his selflessness, ability to roll with the punches, ability to treat me well, ability to provide, his long term committed relationship prospects and his ability to accept and appreciate what I am offering.
I will "throw in" when it's an actual relationship. And I will "throw in" during the initial phases where I'm not sure if it's an actual date or more of a hang out. But I refuse to feel guilty because some dude bought me a cuppa. That's just crazy. It's coffee. Not his friggen kidney.
I can't even get into how many times I've paid for a "date" only to learn that what I thought was friends hanging out was actually the guy trying to have a "date" with me and my insistence on paying confused him to the point of where he thought I was not interested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
As someone who lives in her area, not interested in buying. Far too many women here who are willing to agree to treat me once in awhile to put up with her nonsense.
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See? this is a prime example. You've turned casual dating into "nonsense". So at what point do you think the change takes places from traditional dating conventions to "treating me once in a while" to nonsense?
I'm not asking you to put up with my "nonsense". We disagree, but as pointed out already by numerous posters, there are plenty of men who get what I'm saying and are not confusing independence with all the other issues that go with dating.
If I was all about the "auction", I'd be panting after Bill Gates and every other pseudo millionaire in the DC area who makes their quick buck on the government contract.
Do I strike you as that type? No seriously, in all my posts, do I really strike you as that type? Because you know full and well that if a chick is in the DC area, on her own, and for career purposes, she can handle her own finances and doesn't need any man to buy her a piece of chicken. If you don't want to buy your girl a piece of chicken and let her watch a movie once a week because she didn't throw in for it and she didn't "treat" you the way you thought you should be, who's the low-life then? That's right. You.
Furthermore, you've been in the area a long time and you're a grown azz man. If you can't tell the difference between a woman who's looking for something meaningful over a fly-by piece of butt looking for a free ride, then it's you who has the issues differentiating between quality and quantity in regards to women.
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Originally Posted by darrensmooth
No offense but that sounds like prostitution
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Aaaand more gender shaming.
So you want to ask a girl out, have her pay, have sex with her and then leave her under the guise of "equality"? Because if it doesn't go down that way, she must be a prostitute, right?
Let me explain something. A prostitute doesn't choose her jon. He chooses her. She's having sex with him because she needs his income to make ends meet. I am not that and neither are the rest of the women who decide that they value themselves and their body too much to let some lame sex shamer like you have access to her junk for a cup of coffee.
I think I speak for all healthy women when I tell you to buzz off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11thHour
^^^^^^
Social conditioning at work, folks.
The custom of men paying for women is a leftover of a bygone era when men made all the money, and most women either didn't work or worked part time. But things have changed drastically. Yet some want to hang on to this antiquated tradition. Sorry, but a woman worth her salt will do her part in the relationship as well, including sharing dating expenses.
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And you my friend are confusing "dating" with married. There is no "social conditioning". I was "social conditioned" to pay for half or all of the dates when I was younger. Then I woke up and realized that the kind of man I needed in my life to be happy was not going to make me pay for my own piece of chicken. It's not the chicken. I can buy my own darn chicken. And his to boot.
But an equal partner would buy my chicken for me because I only asked for chicken, not steak and I gave him half of my chicken in return.
This is looking for an actual partner in life. Someone who's willing to take the gamble and buy the friggen piece of chicken because in the end, it pays off for both of us in ways that have nothing to do with the actual act of buying a piece of chicken.
Have you ever seen that movie from the 80's where the guy said "I've always wanted a girl who would lean over and unlock my door for me."
My desire is no different. It comes full circle and if someone can't wrap their brain around the idea of it, then they're not the person for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Its not obvious. It is still very common place for men to expect women to continue these "gender roles" and at the same time pay for half of everything.  |
Which is exactly what I try to weed out. If you want Suzie homemaker, then you provide the home. Don't expect me to pay for my own chicken, cook it and give you half under the guise of "equality" and shame me for not cooperating with your twisted views of "equality".
Equal does not mean same.
It means equal.
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by myself. There is no excuse in the DC area to have me pay every date for any woman who is working here. 
