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View Poll Results: What age range do you belong to and are you in a relationship?
Late 20s and not in a relationship 14 34.15%
Early 30s and not in a relationship 4 9.76%
Mid 30s and not in a relationship 5 12.20%
Late 30s and not in a relationship 4 9.76%
Early 40s and not in a relationship 14 34.15%
Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-26-2013, 10:08 PM
 
157 posts, read 236,484 times
Reputation: 86

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Okay, my last single friend (the one who I hanged out with the most) just informed me that she is hooked. It seems like they are serious about each other and going strong.

Then it hit me, I am in my late 20s, and I am still working on my career. I am not stable yet financially. I am a bit uncomfortable with the feeling. I have never felt the need to settle down before. I mean I dated, but I never thought I would have to marry anyone. In fact, I dated because I knew I still had time to break up and start the dating process again. I don't like this feeling and I know men can sense it in me.

Do you feel the same way? How do I get rid of this feeling? Please don't tell me to focus on other things because I AM focusing on a lot of things. It just tonight ....something is wrong with me tonight.
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Old 12-26-2013, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,948 posts, read 6,617,641 times
Reputation: 3264
How do you get rid of the feeling?

Don't buy into the concept that you HAVE TO get married and settle down. Because, you don't!

My sister is going to be 35 this year and going strong. She is living the life she decides without having to answer to someone. She does things on her terms. She gets to make the rules. She can get her needs met any time she wants without the drama, and she is perfectly happy with it. Her passport has more stamps than mine will ever see. And, she is happy with this choice. She has met many other women across the world that are also living life for themselves and enjoying every minute of it; they can meet and flirt with men of all nationalities while traveling. They can decorate their apartments any way they like. They can be as social as they choose to be. In a lot of ways, I wish I had taken her path with my own life - because, I still ended up single in my 30's but now I have a little one that I am responsible for, that I love dearly, but there is a lot more drama and red tape for me to live a life for me because of the other parent.
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Old 12-26-2013, 10:24 PM
 
157 posts, read 236,484 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
How do you get rid of the feeling?

Don't buy into the concept that you HAVE TO get married and settle down. Because, you don't!

My sister is going to be 35 this year and going strong. She is living the life she decides without having to answer to someone. She does things on her terms. She gets to make the rules. She can get her needs met any time she wants without the drama, and she is perfectly happy with it. Her passport has more stamps than mine will ever see. And, she is happy with this choice. She has met many other women across the world that are also living life for themselves and enjoying every minute of it; they can meet and flirt with men of all nationalities while traveling. They can decorate their apartments any way they like. They can be as social as they choose to be. In a lot of ways, I wish I had taken her path with my own life - because, I still ended up single in my 30's but now I have a little one that I am responsible for, that I love dearly, but there is a lot more drama and red tape for me to live a life for me because of the other parent.

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you did not go through all that. I don't mind being single, until tonight . Then I realized that I did not have a serious relationship in a long time. I kind of miss the feeling of being loved and loving someone. Sighhh life. Maybe I am feeling this way because I am taking a trip tomorrow Hopefully......
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Old 12-26-2013, 10:49 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,243,047 times
Reputation: 5812
I don't want a man to settle down with. I was married, now divorced. Never again. I am much happier now that I no longer feel like an indentured servant. It's not that bad for everyone, I am sure. But I just can't do it again.
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:00 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,948 posts, read 6,617,641 times
Reputation: 3264
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I don't want a man to settle down with. I was married, now divorced. Never again. I am much happier now that I no longer feel like an indentured servant. It's not that bad for everyone, I am sure. But I just can't do it again.
Yup. There with you!
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:04 PM
 
3,063 posts, read 2,944,310 times
Reputation: 3623
Nope. NFG. I know I will settle down and it's just a "knowing". If by some chance I don't, I don't care very much(right now at least). There are several reasons why I don't care, but mostly I feel most secure, happy, and successful when I'm just doing me--it's when I lose focus of myself and focus on what I believe society, friends family etc want me to focus on that I find myself feeling the most panicked and worried. By not allowing others projections to cause me to feel negative emotions, and focusing on the knowledge that I will eventually have what I want(positive thinking/law of attraction) I feel confident that it will happen.

Besides, getting married is not as important to me as it used to be. It's just not "end-all" for me. I feel content with myself, by myself, so I know that if I didn't meet someone that I would be okay and that most likely I would have other endeavors going on that would make my life fulfilling. In other words my life would not be over or miserable or negative because I couldn't meet the right guy to commit to. I would rather "find" the RIGHT guy to settle down with so that I don't settle, then to desperately settle for "any" guy that commits to me. And so keeping that in mind, I don't focus or panic on not settling down. I just focus on myself and on the things that are in my ability to control.

Consider that meeting the "right" guy may take time and that during that time you can become a better you(by doing and pursuing your goals and discovering who you are) so that it can make it that much easier to attract the right guy. Can't be a nickel and expect a dime right? By focusing too much on these things not happening to you, your sending negative energy and creating a possible situation where you find yourself settling down with the wrong person due to fear of being alone or worse you just create a self-fulfilling prophecy....

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't put yourself out there. You should still date and stay in the "market". But based on your initial post there are still things that you can work on(finances, etc) so consider just working on those things, and making "those things" your main priority. Still date, but don't let it(settling down) become more of a burden then it needs to be.
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:14 PM
 
157 posts, read 236,484 times
Reputation: 86
Thank you everyone.

This is not my night. Sighhh...
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:15 PM
 
157 posts, read 236,484 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
Nope. NFG. I know I will settle down and it's just a "knowing". If by some chance I don't, I don't care very much(right now at least). There are several reasons why I don't care, but mostly I feel most secure, happy, and successful when I'm just doing me--it's when I lose focus of myself and focus on what I believe society, friends family etc want me to focus on that I find myself feeling the most panicked and worried. By not allowing others projections to cause me to feel negative emotions, and focusing on the knowledge that I will eventually have what I want(positive thinking/law of attraction) I feel confident that it will happen.

Besides, getting married is not as important to me as it used to be. It's just not "end-all" for me. I feel content with myself, by myself, so I know that if I didn't meet someone that I would be okay and that most likely I would have other endeavors going on that would make my life fulfilling. In other words my life would not be over or miserable or negative because I couldn't meet the right guy to commit to. I would rather "find" the RIGHT guy to settle down with so that I don't settle, then to desperately settle for "any" guy that commits to me. And so keeping that in mind, I don't focus or panic on not settling down. I just focus on myself and on the things that are in my ability to control.

Consider that meeting the "right" guy may take time and that during that time you can become a better you(by doing and pursuing your goals and discovering who you are) so that it can make it that much easier to attract the right guy. Can't be a nickel and expect a dime right? By focusing too much on these things not happening to you, your sending negative energy and creating a possible situation where you find yourself settling down with the wrong person due to fear of being alone or worse you just create a self-fulfilling prophecy....

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't put yourself out there. You should still date and stay in the "market". But based on your initial post there are still things that you can work on(finances, etc) so consider just working on those things, and making "those things" your main priority. Still date, but don't let it(settling down) become more of a burden then it needs to be.

I used to believe in all this, not tonight. I don't know what is going on tonight .
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,759 posts, read 49,050,747 times
Reputation: 25302
Mid 30's and single.
Do I think about always being single?
Yep.
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:21 PM
 
157 posts, read 236,484 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Mid 30's and single.
Do I think about always being single?
Yep.

Tsk, Maybe I will get to a point where I need to accept it.





It just harder for me because I recently was head over heel with man ...I believe he did like me , but he had other issues he had to attend to. And I accepted that he is not the guy for me and try to move on. Then I just told a guy I am not into him over text. I mean I plan all this time to be nice and would do it in person/differently, but ....I just want it all to stop tonight.
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