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I had a connection like this with a guy I used to work with. We became best friends outside work, and I loved spending time with him. We had tons in common and finished each others' sentences. Then one day he declared his (romantic) love for me. I tried, I really tried, to like him that way, because I truly did love him. But when we tried making out, it just felt wrong...it felt like I was making out with my brother. In the end I was unable to transition my feelings to romantic, and he was unable to continue with just friendship, so we parted ways. I was very sad about it but I respected his decision. Attraction unfortunately is rarely a choice.
Ive known this girl for 2 years. We have an amazing connection. We can talk for hours, open up about everything and she feels completely herself with me. She tells me that I know her better than she knows herself. Could be friendzone land but shes also held my hand and will put in on her leg and thigh and she has initiated physical stuff with her. I never kissed her though because Im kind of shy and I didnt have confidence. But despite this, we have an amazing connection that we are both aware of.
She also has another guy in her life that is better looking than me and younger and she has a very strong physical attraction to him (im a good looking guy but this other guy is better looking. he could be a model). She pursued a thing with him but it fizzled out because he was boring to talk to and they had no real substance to their relationship. She told me she wished they could connect like she does with me but its not there for her. Despite her saying that she is over the whole thing with him and they are just friends, I can tell she still has a strong desire for him. When he's around she gets all fidgety or if he calls or texts, she jumps to answer it. Basically has a power over her because she finds him so attractive. They kissed in the past. She told me that she wants to be with him but knows he is not good for her and that it will lead nowhere.
What amazes me is to watch this girl have such a connection with me in every area and hear her say how much she loves how we are but when it comes to this other kid, he is like a drug to her. She is powerless to him. At first I was upset by it but I know that when you are attracted to someone like that, its almost a primal reaction that you cant help. All reason goes out the window. Im sure she is aware that she wishes she felt that strong desire toward me since we have everything else, but I also know that being young( shes 20) she wants to have that exciting adrenaline rush type of relationship. I feel bad because Im not good looking enough to make her feel like that. I guess im just not a "sexy" type guy like he is. Im just kind of ordinary.
I could walk away and say I dont want to be in friendzone but at the same time, I would hate to lose someone so close to me. Im just curious if any girls have found themselves caught between 2 different guys like this and if so how it turned out. One makes you feel comfort and best friend type (long term mate), the other makes you want to rip his clothes off (short term mate). And for any guys, have you ever been in this situation?
You don't have to be the best looking to give her that adrenaline rush. You just have to make her feel good. Women aren't superficial about everything.
You don't have to be the best looking to give her that adrenaline rush. You just have to make her feel good. Women aren't superficial about everything.
I had a connection like this with a guy I used to work with. We became best friends outside work, and I loved spending time with him. We had tons in common and finished each others' sentences. Then one day he declared his (romantic) love for me. I tried, I really tried, to like him that way, because I truly did love him. But when we tried making out, it just felt wrong...it felt like I was making out with my brother. In the end I was unable to transition my feelings to romantic, and he was unable to continue with just friendship, so we parted ways. I was very sad about it but I respected his decision. Attraction unfortunately is rarely a choice.
When I was single, I was friends with a lot of girls that weren't FWBs, and where there was no physical connection. But we did things together, and they might have complained about a bf here or there, but I wouldn't stick around if that's all they wanted to do. And I got the "you're like a brother" comment more than once. Thing is I have a sister, we've always gotten along well, but she would never expect me to listen to her drone on about some guy, and would probably expect me to tell her to shut up. And treating someone else like a sister would mean telling her boyfriend she couldn't come to the door because she was in the bathroom, and had been in there awhile, not listening to her talk about the guy.
I decided to pull back from one chick who gave me the "brother" line, and started making up excuses not to see her, which ended up with her at my apt. crying about the lack of effort I was making. I told her it was no less effort than I made with my actual sister. And the more of a jerk I became, the more she would try to make plans with me. Only way I could really do the friend zone was by dating someone else, and making her the unsatisfied "friend".
You don't have to be the best looking to give her that adrenaline rush. You just have to make her feel good. Women aren't superficial about everything.
A woman will not always pick the best looking guy, but looks control.
When I was single, I was friends with a lot of girls that weren't FWBs, and where there was no physical connection. But we did things together, and they might have complained about a bf here or there, but I wouldn't stick around if that's all they wanted to do. And I got the "you're like a brother" comment more than once. Thing is I have a sister, we've always gotten along well, but she would never expect me to listen to her drone on about some guy, and would probably expect me to tell her to shut up. And treating someone else like a sister would mean telling her boyfriend she couldn't come to the door because she was in the bathroom, and had been in there awhile, not listening to her talk about the guy.
I decided to pull back from one chick who gave me the "brother" line, and started making up excuses not to see her, which ended up with her at my apt. crying about the lack of effort I was making. I told her it was no less effort than I made with my actual sister. And the more of a jerk I became, the more she would try to make plans with me. Only way I could really do the friend zone was by dating someone else, and making her the unsatisfied "friend".
I have to agree with this. I've been in some situations where I felt I was nothing more than a sounding board for their problems. The friendship seemed cool at first, but then it got to the point that we never really hung out. We'd text and talk on the phone, but it was always about their stuff and they would never want to hear what I had going on. It boiled to the point to where I blew up the friendship. They didn't want to meet my needs, and always wanted me to meet their needs, so the friendship was one sided in the end.
Sometimes in life you just have to make those choices where you are going to lose someone, but in hindsight they are worth losing anyway. You just continue to drill down your friends, until you have a short, or long, line of good ones. Throw away the ones where you, or they, can't depend on. If you want to see if this friendship has legs for a relationship, then you need to make a move and see where it goes. By making that move, you have to accept the consequences that come along with it as well. You may get the relationship, you may get rejected and have an awkward friendship, or you may lose the relationship all together. You have decide if that is a risk that you're willing to take.
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