Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When does an age gap become too much? Is 7 years too much?
My husband is close to 10 years older than me and is actually the same age as my uncle.
It is a manmade number that means nothing if you do not allow it to define you as a human or a couple.
I know a couple in which the wife is 17 yeas older. They have been together almost 40 years. It works because she is "young " for her age, and he has always been kind of "old" for his age.
Hello. I am a 27 year old male never been married no kids. Im a good looking guy finding and dating beautiful women has never been a problem for me.
Last year I met a woman, 40 years old. Looks 30. Never married no kids. We fell in love quick. And im old enough to know it wasnt puppy love. We even took vacations together split it traveled hike. We were truly in love. Never did those things with a partner before.
Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl. But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?
I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.
Maybe she was but I doubt you were. But regardless whether you were truly in love or just deeply infatuated, the bottom line is you shouldn't marry her. The pain you might cause her now for leaving is nothing compared to the pain you will inflict ten years down the line when you leave her for someone younger.
I KNEW there was a reason why I liked you, Chowhound, besides the fact that your posts are sensible and funny (I do love a smart man who can make me laugh ). Just as a matter of interest, has the age difference between you and your wife ever been an issue for either of you, and if so, how did you handle it?
The reason I ask is because I am separated and soon-to-be divorced after 22 years. I met a man at work almost a year ago who has made his interest pretty clear in that time. I'm very drawn to him because of the way he carries himself, his kindness, and because we seem to be on the same wavelength and interested in the same things. He has suggested a couple of times that we go golfing/biking, but I don't want to go on any dates until my divorce is final. I've been telling him that I would like to do that sometime, without making firm plans (until recently, he didn't know I was still married as we hadn't discussed this, and I don't usually offer a lot of information about myself unless someone asks).
But another reason why I haven't felt ready to go out with him is because he's younger, and in fact 7 years younger! It has never even occurred to me that I would EVER be interested in a younger man beyond pure physicality (my soon-to-be ex is 12 years older), so no one could be more surprised by this than I.
The thing is, I'm not sure if he realizes how old I am (I'm 47 and he's 40) and how he would feel once he does know. I myself feel uncomfortable with the age difference, so I certainly can understand if he were to feel uncomfortable with it. On the other hand, it has been SO long since I've felt this way and since I've honestly felt that I would consider being in another relationship.
Can you give any thoughts?
Thanks for the kind words.
I think at your ages that 7 yrs isn't really a big deal, in my opinion. I was in my early 20's and Mrs. Chow was in her late 20's at the time we got together and at those ages it's more pronounced... at least it seems like it.
I wouldn't sweat the 7 yrs, it's not a big deal at all, in my humble opinion. If he has shown an interest in you and you said he has, and at 40, he should have some sense in his head and I'm sure he doesn't just view you as some kind of "cougar"... if you know what I mean....if he were 27 I'd say have a little more trepidation.....
Life is short and can be painful at times.... don't waste an opportunity for happiness.....
I wouldn't sweat the 7 yrs, it's not a big deal at all, in my humble opinion. If he has shown an interest in you and you said he has, and at 40, he should have some sense in his head and I'm sure he doesn't just view you as some kind of "cougar"
I agree with Chowhound. At 40 and 47, that age difference isn't a big deal (unless he wants to have children; if he doesn't, it won't matter at all). I would definitely go out with someone seven years my junior. Women typically live seven to eight years longer than men, so a LT relationship or marriage with such a man might even be desirable.
Love is not enough to make a marriage successful. If you have doubts, I recommend that you do not marry her. There is a big difference between 27 and 40. The person that you are today will not be the same person when you turn 40. I am 40, and to me, you are a boy. Suppose she cannot give you children? Suppose the child has developmental issues? Suppose when she turn 50, she looks 50? I love the idealism of young people but pragmatism takes over when you are 40.
A lot of good opinions here. I think the age difference is too much though I'm sure many wouldn't agree. I can't see myself with a man 13 years younger. And true, if she wanted kids, by 40 she would have had them. Only you know what you want and if that is a life with her. Maybe you two should take a break, talk to her about your concerns. In the long run this doesn't sound like a match. Again, only you know. Too many people are too often quick to say dump the other person. Best of luck.
But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?
I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.
bolded = your answer.
I'd walk away if I were you.
Hello. I am a 27 year old male never been married no kids. Im a good looking guy finding and dating beautiful women has never been a problem for me.
Last year I met a woman, 40 years old. Looks 30. Never married no kids. We fell in love quick. And im old enough to know it wasnt puppy love. We even took vacations together split it traveled hike. We were truly in love. Never did those things with a partner before.
Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl. But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?
I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.
Yeah, if your seriously considering marrying a 40 year old, I doubt you're good with women.
Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl.
Why's that? If it's her pressing that issue, I'd say get off the pot and go crap somewhere else, but that's just me talkin'.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
). Just as a matter of interest, has the age difference between you and your wife ever been an issue for either of you, and if so, how did you handle it?
