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I've heard that one of the top ten reasons for divorce is bad in laws. Is this true?
Lately I've been questioning my marriage because of how bad things have gotten. My MIL is too gossipy and my wife and I believe its the reason our relationship with her siblings totally sucks. Every family get together is an awkward occasion. I can't stand it. The FIL one time told me in a passive aggressive manner that I was not man to take care of his daughter and he's afraid for her safety living in another city. The MIL claims to like me and acts really nice around me but my wife has found out just this recently that she's been texting her other daughters bad things about me. So I can't even trust her.
Whenever I try to bring these issues up to them I get the typical responses that I'm too sensitive or to just put up and shut up. It's as though they can handle the fakeness at family events and be ok with them. I'm not a fake person and can barely tolerate being in a room knowing there is tension. I do it for my wife but it just gets too awkward to stand. I'm too old for this.
I'm not thinking about actually divorcing her over this. I'm just mulling over my decisions in life. Has anyone else give through this?
I havent, but I would think it would all depend on how the son/daughter of the inlaws handled the situation. If they put their spouse's feelings aside, and side with the inlaws, that would be bad. If they tell their parents to get a grip, treat the spouse properly, or there will be no more contact, then that would be good.
I havent, but I would think it would all depend on how the son/daughter of the inlaws handled the situation. If they put their spouse's feelings aside, and side with the inlaws, that would be bad. If they tell their parents to get a grip, treat the spouse properly, or there will be no more contact, then that would be good.
So it depends.
Wifey goes back and forth. She will have the resolve to talk to them and be bold sometimes, and then the next day she will cool off and turn the tables around and tell me that perhaps the "mature" thing to do is let it go. Just last night she was bold with her mom and told her some things but today she went along acting as though nothing even went wrong last night. I guess that's why these good moments with the fam never last because she never stick to her guns. When I tell to she's a bit reluctant and gets upset because we can't just sweep this under the rug. She was raised in a family that talks mess behind each other's backs but are all smiles at family events. It's weird.
What sucks even more is that I changed the whole dynamic in MY family to make sure my parents accommodated her. I was bold with my mother and even nixed many events with them in order to get my mom to respect my wife. I finally got her to do so but it was at the expense of my family.
Well, in that case, Id put your foot down and tell her you arent attending any more family get togethers with her family because they make you feel awful. Life is too short to spend time with people you don't want to be with.
youre definitely not the first to complain about in laws. i have plenty of colleagues and friends that do as well. generally what the person will do (as in you in this case) is isolate themselves from the families as much as possible. this often leads to the in laws hating and talking even more, but after a few years they will finally understand why the person has isolated themselves. hell, sometimes i cant even stand my own parents (we arent all that alike), but that doesnt mean i cant hang out with them. i think you just have to bend and mold yourself to whatever it is they are looking for. although in your case, the gossip is annoying, id prolly just see them on a less than regular basis.
start your own family traditions and stop following the traditions of someone else. good luck
I've heard that one of the top ten reasons for divorce is bad in laws. Is this true?
Lately I've been questioning my marriage because of how bad things have gotten. My MIL is too gossipy and my wife and I believe its the reason our relationship with her siblings totally sucks. Every family get together is an awkward occasion. I can't stand it. The FIL one time told me in a passive aggressive manner that I was not man to take care of his daughter and he's afraid for her safety living in another city. The MIL claims to like me and acts really nice around me but my wife has found out just this recently that she's been texting her other daughters bad things about me. So I can't even trust her.
Whenever I try to bring these issues up to them I get the typical responses that I'm too sensitive or to just put up and shut up. It's as though they can handle the fakeness at family events and be ok with them. I'm not a fake person and can barely tolerate being in a room knowing there is tension. I do it for my wife but it just gets too awkward to stand. I'm too old for this.
I'm not thinking about actually divorcing her over this. I'm just mulling over my decisions in life. Has anyone else give through this?
If you and your wife are having stress in your marriage because of "others" you have many more issues than In Laws.
If you ignore all the gossip and blah blah and pay attention to your marriage with your wife, whom by the way you did marry your wife NOT her family, you may find you get along much better and can actually live your lives the way you want.
It is your choice to allow others to dictate your actions and feelings. The gossip continues because they get a reaction out of you. Stop reacting and they will tire of the games eventually and stop gossiping.
As far as the Father In Law goes, tell him his opinion does not count because you married his daughter and her opinion is the only one that matters.
After that quit being in the same room with them and quit socializing with them. Less clutter in your home and life makes for better living whether it be cleaning out a closet or strained relationships with others.
Top reasons are: lack of intimacy, growing apart, ultimately leading to one or both spouses having an affair. #2. is money issues. #3. is one of people in the relationships changes dramatically and is not viewed as the same person. I.E. Woman, or man gets obese, demanding, abusive, etc. etc. Or, perhaps changes in what most might view as an "ultra prositive way" such as, they once used to enjoy going out for drinks, eating good food, and then suddenly becomes a militant vegan health nut. Things like this.
Top reasons are: lack of intimacy, growing apart, ultimately leading to one or both spouses having an affair. #2. is money issues. #3. is one of people in the relationships changes dramatically and is not viewed as the same person. I.E. Woman, or man gets obese, demanding, abusive, etc. etc. Or, perhaps changes in what most might view as an "ultra prositive way" such as, they once used to enjoy going out for drinks, eating good food, and then suddenly becomes a militant vegan health nut. Things like this.
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