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So it seems that being apart for months at a time is NOT that unusual for you two.
Just talk to the guy. Find out what's up, and see where you both want to end up.
Yes it isn't unusual...apparently he's never pursued a girl in his life..and everyone he has ended up with was always chasing him first..so i guess im the first person he's had to put in effort for..
He even said im the first girl he has ever asked out..
I messaged him today about meeting up and he said ye sure and tht he really does want to see me and tht apparently he misses me a lot even though it might not seem like it..and i said it doesnt seem lik it all the time..and he said its because he hates texting and when he calls me in his opinion i seem too busy...
I highly concur. Gosh and if you're really friends, the natural thing to do once you got in contact again months or even years apart is to meet and catch up, isn't it? Coz it's what normal friends do ya know. And if you continue being a drama queen honestly just be prepared to live alone with bajillion cats. Ugh
lol i get it..but obviously this isnt friendship in his eyes..he doesnt speak to me lik a friend..he speaks to me like im ten times more than that..which then makes it complicated..
funny u say the cat comment as one of my friends said she can imagine it now..she knows what im lik and how i push people away..
this guy even asked me in a message about a week ago why im pushing him away and all he wants to do is see me and speak to me ..
I thought my life was bad, this is kinda like reading FML sometimes lol. I could not imagine playing games of this magnitude, hopefully he lives somewhere there are legal prostitutes, good lord.
I thought my life was bad, this is kinda like reading FML sometimes lol. I could not imagine playing games of this magnitude, hopefully he lives somewhere there are legal prostitutes, good lord.
LOL trust me there are enough women out there he has come across who pretty much act lik that..so if he wanted it he has options..
so..
This is about a friend of mine..known him for years now..hes liked me ever since we met six years ago, I dont think he's ever thought of me as just a friend..but we have remained that way. He's always flirting with me, always telling me he misses me and is depressed when I'm not around him or when he doesnt speak to me, always talking about how he's never felt the same way about any one before me, always talking about how he wants to be with me..and most importantly how he can see himself with me in his future in terms of marriage..
Here's the situation though :
The last time he called me was in march (six months ago), that last week he called me almost every other day. After that last conversation i left it two weeks before calling him.. when I did i could not get through his phone line was totally disconnected or dead..and it still is now (hes had this phone line for four years now). Thinking this was temporary I left him a facebook message saying " hi how are you? whats up? is everything ok?".
Following this I did a little bit of investigating and asked my friend to call up his work and find out if hes there..when she did his work colleague said "hes no longer with us". It appeared he also left his job after two years.
Therefore iin march/april time it appeared his phone line was disconnected..and he also left his job..neither of which I had any clue about or could be explained.
He finally replied to my facebook message in June and he said " im so sorry about the lack of contact iv just had a really tough time lately ill call u soon i promise xxx"
Following this He left facebook..like completely deactivated it so i had no chance to ask questions or reply.
In august I replied to his "tough time" message and i said "its fine u do what you have to do and i am sorry to hear things are not going so well..i look frwrd to hearing from u "
He then facebooked me again..three weeks after my last message and simply sent me two smiley emoticons...in succession like and AND
Apart from the fact hes telling me hes had a bad time and tht he isnt at his old workplace anymore..and his number tht i had for years seems to be out of order I have no clue whats actually happened, as he hasnt been specific enough
AN UPDATE
NINE MONTHS LATER..AND HE CAME BACK IN TO CONTACT from a different number!!!
first thing he messaged was hi..want to meet me for dinner somewhere? apparently he asked my friend first if it would be ok..and she said to him " u did disappear for quite some time and anyone would be annoyed at that"...
I called him after that message..and the first things he said was he really missed me and he's sorry he acted that way and that he will make it up to me..
I admit though I definitely didn't agree to meeting him for at least two weeks following..so i didnt really make it easy on him AT ALL...and then when i did eventually say ok fine..he snapped at me after and said he didn't expect this from me and said he was sorry for coming back in to my life and basically threatened to exit again a couple of times but it got resolved..He also said he really really likes me and asked me why i dont let him come close to me and that i always manage to push him away :/ and tht all he wanted was to take me out...I know i shouldnt have acted the way I did but it was just a surprise him coming back in the first place...and secondly I didnt want to be agree to exactly what he wanted nine months after an enormous amount of confusion and frustration..
But anyway a couple of weeks after..he's now less persistent and isn't really calling me or bothering to reply to my texts properly..im assuming its because of the way i'v been acting?
And possibly because the day that we agreed to meet passed..and neither of us actually said anything about it...and maybe he was expcting me to? and didnt want to be pushed aside again..
What do I do now, in order to get him to be more responsive again?!!!!
i'v basically not opened up to him at all i'v just been making stupid comments about hw he disappeared for nine months..:/ and using cheap shots at him apparently... :/..and not actually told him that him coming back actually made my whole year..
whereas he has been telling me how sorry he was and that he just wants to spend time out with me now and yes on the whole been much nicer :/
Wow, what a cluster. You like this guy as more than a friend but torture him by keeping him as a friend and then when he gets to the point where he starts to emotionally separate himself from you and you now want him back in your life.
I'm sorry to say this but this is just flat out childish on your part, either commit to the guy or let him go. I've been on the receiving end of this and it's agony, either make up your mind and be with him or quit talking to him and let him get on with his life.
we are friends..but its more complicated than that as there are feelings involved..and it is mutual..
I wasn't being dramatic..i just made a few comments here and there...but not in a over the top way..but he took it as I was annoyed at him..when actually i was just showing him that he can't just snap his fingers and have what he wants i,e ( taking me out on a date)..after so long..thats all..
I was sympathetic to him having a rough time..but i just couldnt help making the little comments,
For example he said things like..why are you so busy now? and i said..well u disappeared for however many months..(implying lik u can do it and i cant)?
and also when he did mention us meeting i did tell him to wait before i give him a date..aand i mentioned the disappearing act again and was lik u waited this long..whats another week to wait to meet me? that kinda thing..
obviously in hindisight it was stupid of me to say these thingd
Not being dramatic is 3 words anything beyond that with all the details and blah blah is drama.
Either you have romantic interests in this man or you don't.
Decide which it is and go from there.
If you do not have real romantic interest in him leave him alone and do not reply to his calls or messages because that only leads him on further.
Are you an adult, college kid, or high school?
None of what you wrote appears anywhere close to being a responsible mature adult.
By the way, it is usually best to talk to the other person involved when trying to figure out a resolution to an issue instead of posting on a public forum so random strangers can guess what would be the best for two people they have never met.
Sounds like he either went to jail, or had another relationship in that 9 months.
I dont know why you are even giving him the time of day? He's likely going to disappear again when he gets back to whatever he's into.
no he didnt go to jail loll...if he did i doubt he would still be facebooking me every so often..and he didnt have a relationship either..basically somethin happened to him in that time..and he stopped talking to everyone as he couldnt face explaining what had actually happened..even now he says he isnt in contact with everyone..
He has wanted to tell me over dinner he kept mentioning..but obv i gave him a little bit of a hard time so i never even found out what it was..but i will get it out of him at some point lol
I think he learnt his lesson..he seemed very remorseful and tht he wouldnt do it ever again..
no he didnt go to jail loll...if he did i doubt he would still be facebooking me every so often..and he didnt have a relationship either..basically somethin happened to him in that time..and he stopped talking to everyone as he couldnt face explaining what had actually happened..even now he says he isnt in contact with everyone..
He has wanted to tell me over dinner he kept mentioning..but obv i gave him a little bit of a hard time so i never even found out what it was..but i will get it out of him at some point lol
I think he learnt his lesson..he seemed very remorseful and tht he wouldnt do it ever again..
Being nosy about something that really is none of your business is a very sad and pathetic reason to continue to lead someone on or stay friends with them.
Your choice, your drama and I'm glad my friends don't treat me that way.
so..
This is about a friend of mine..known him for years now..hes liked me ever since we met six years ago, I dont think he's ever thought of me as just a friend..but we have remained that way. He's always flirting with me, always telling me he misses me and is depressed when I'm not around him or when he doesnt speak to me, always talking about how he's never felt the same way about any one before me, always talking about how he wants to be with me..and most importantly how he can see himself with me in his future in terms of marriage..
Here's the situation though :
The last time he called me was in march (six months ago), that last week he called me almost every other day. After that last conversation i left it two weeks before calling him.. when I did i could not get through his phone line was totally disconnected or dead..and it still is now (hes had this phone line for four years now). Thinking this was temporary I left him a facebook message saying " hi how are you? whats up? is everything ok?".
Following this I did a little bit of investigating and asked my friend to call up his work and find out if hes there..when she did his work colleague said "hes no longer with us". It appeared he also left his job after two years.
Therefore iin march/april time it appeared his phone line was disconnected..and he also left his job..neither of which I had any clue about or could be explained.
He finally replied to my facebook message in June and he said " im so sorry about the lack of contact iv just had a really tough time lately ill call u soon i promise xxx"
Following this He left facebook..like completely deactivated it so i had no chance to ask questions or reply.
In august I replied to his "tough time" message and i said "its fine u do what you have to do and i am sorry to hear things are not going so well..i look frwrd to hearing from u "
He then facebooked me again..three weeks after my last message and simply sent me two smiley emoticons...in succession like and AND
Apart from the fact hes telling me hes had a bad time and tht he isnt at his old workplace anymore..and his number tht i had for years seems to be out of order I have no clue whats actually happened, as he hasnt been specific enough
AN UPDATE
NINE MONTHS LATER..AND HE CAME BACK IN TO CONTACT from a different number!!!
first thing he messaged was hi..want to meet me for dinner somewhere? apparently he asked my friend first if it would be ok..and she said to him " u did disappear for quite some time and anyone would be annoyed at that"...
I called him after that message..and the first things he said was he really missed me and he's sorry he acted that way and that he will make it up to me..
I admit though I definitely didn't agree to meeting him for at least two weeks following..so i didnt really make it easy on him AT ALL...and then when i did eventually say ok fine..he snapped at me after and said he didn't expect this from me and said he was sorry for coming back in to my life and basically threatened to exit again a couple of times but it got resolved..He also said he really really likes me and asked me why i dont let him come close to me and that i always manage to push him away :/ and tht all he wanted was to take me out...I know i shouldnt have acted the way I did but it was just a surprise him coming back in the first place...and secondly I didnt want to be agree to exactly what he wanted nine months after an enormous amount of confusion and frustration..
But anyway a couple of weeks after..he's now less persistent and isn't really calling me or bothering to reply to my texts properly..im assuming its because of the way i'v been acting?
And possibly because the day that we agreed to meet passed..and neither of us actually said anything about it...and maybe he was expcting me to? and didnt want to be pushed aside again..
What do I do now, in order to get him to be more responsive again?!!!!
i'v basically not opened up to him at all i'v just been making stupid comments about hw he disappeared for nine months..:/ and using cheap shots at him apparently... :/..and not actually told him that him coming back actually made my whole year..
whereas he has been telling me how sorry he was and that he just wants to spend time out with me now and yes on the whole been much nicer :/
IF he wanted to go out with you, he would have asked you out by now. He's your friend. You're playing games with someone who is supposed to be your friend. That's why he gets mad. Why does it take you two months to respond to him? Is that another game? I don't tolerate that from "friends" and I'd be ticked at you, too.
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