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In your opinion, what is more important to a healthy marriage, passion or comfort & security? If you had to choose one.
Can't quantify your question. With out one or the other of your examples and several others, you can't have a healthy relationship. You can have a relationship, but it can't ever reach it's potential.
Well, long story short, I lost my beloved fiance to cancer a couple years ago. I'm now 29. 6 months ago I've found a WONDERFUL man that I absolutely adore. We both have the same goals, tastes, everything. He takes such good care of me and is extremely reliable and loyal, not to mention VERY attractive, which is obviously a nice little bonus
My late fiance and I had were amazingly passionate but we had a rocky relationship. To his credit, he was very romantic. However, truth be told, he had a wandering eye. But when we were good, we were very good. Problem was, there was little to no security. My new guy is everything I need in a man, but a bit romantically-challenged, which is hurting the romance aspect of it a little bit. I want to settle down and start a family soon. I'm wondering if its realistic to expect a good long-term outcome if a couple has to work on "romance". I know relationships take work, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if this is a fatal flaw. Please be gentle, I'm new to dating again and I'm just trying to figure it all out.
**edit: The other night I told my guy about my romantic needs and he said he would definitely try to work on it. In the meantime, I've started trying to "teach" him how to be romantic, by giving him sweet little gestures, notes, beer, etc...
Well, comfort & security will get you a longer marriage, but without passion it won't necessarily be healthy.
Also, passion wanes, and that's OK as long as both partners agree it's OK. If love is there, passion can ebb and flow.
Young people also undervalue companionship. The reason many elderly people sometimes remarry after knowing someone only a few months is because they understand how much it means just to have someone you enjoy being with and who cares about you.
Well, comfort & security will get you a longer marriage, but without passion it won't necessarily be healthy.
Also, passion wanes, and that's OK as long as both partners agree it's OK. If love is there, passion can ebb and flow.
Young people also undervalue companionship. The reason many elderly people sometimes remarry after knowing someone only a few months is because they understand how much it means just to have someone you enjoy being with and who cares about you.
Wise words. I've been criticized before for going too fast in this relationship, but I value companionship so much. I really feel lost when I don't have someone to come home to and share our day's experiences with. On the flip side, I do worry that this means I may place too much of a value on companionship and miss out on being with the right person because of it.
Asking that question is like asking what's more important to have if you are stranded on a raft out to sea... food or water. Sure, you might last a bit longer with one over the other but in the long run, you are in for some serious trouble. You can't have a healthy marriage without both--if you eliminate one, the marriage will die.
If I had to choose one, it would be comfort and security.
Passion is meaningless if there is a wandering eye. You want home, hearth and children and fidelity so it's a no brainer. Assess if this guy is flexible and can learn and grow, if he can, I would choose him. I once had passion, but the guy was too emotional and we crashed and burned. I would want a combination veering less on the passion.
By the way, you're looking at it "too black and white". There are shades of grey. Assess the guy for his potential, sometimes passion does develop to some degree.
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