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I'm always a gentleman in that regard until I get fairly obvious cues from the woman she wants to go there. I think it's downright rude of any man to reference sex on a first date, or until he can tell the woman is signaling it's there.
In my humble opinion, you're not likely dating very nice men. Or men who got one thing in mind and want to get there as quickly as possible. And in all fairness some of that is associated to the age group of men you are dating. I have found tat since I'm around the age of 40 now, you bet I'm still interested in sex, but I truly value the woman more and more for other things. I take a serious interest in her interests. When I was in my twenties? Sex always seemed to be at the forefront of my mind, but even then I didn't act like these guys you're dating.
Your post is pretty much what I have been saying in this thread...
I'm always a gentleman in that regard until I get fairly obvious cues from the woman she wants to go there. I think it's downright rude of any man to reference sex on a first date, or until he can tell the woman is signaling it's there.
In my humble opinion, you're not likely dating very nice men. Or men who got one thing in mind and want to get there as quickly as possible. And in all fairness some of that is associated to the age group of men you are dating. I have found tat since I'm around the age of 40 now, you bet I'm still interested in sex, but I truly value the woman more and more for other things. I take a serious interest in her interests. When I was in my twenties? Sex always seemed to be at the forefront of my mind, but even then I didn't act like these guys you're dating.
I don't think 3rd or 4th date is unreasonable, I don't want to spend tons of time dating someone that I am going to later be sexually incompatible with.
I know we as humans are sexual creatures, but it bothers me a lot that even on a first date the issue of sex will come up. I don't try to give off this type of aura. I dress as conservatively as possible, am interested in many topics such as art and classical music, share my interests with my date..but for some reason the conversation always comes back to sex. Even a small comment, such as 'you have such nice lips'. Is this really a compliment? My best male friend constantly asks me to take pictures of my chest and lower body area and text or "sext" them to him and I always tell him I do not want to. But he persists. It's like he won't give up and I have begun questioning our friendship. Even an ex who I consider a friend does this. I know they should probably be dropped, but I hardly have any friends as is.
I'm almost 30 (now 28) and fear that I will never date again due to this instant turn-off I have. What happened to giving it some time before such matters were discussed. I really don't want to bring race into this, but I am a black woman dating primarily black men, and I'm just thinking maybe I need to date outside of my race. I mean, you never know. Maybe it will be the same, maybe it won't. I honestly think a break is in order and I'll resume dating when I am 30.
I honestly just would like some friendly conversation. Is this too much to ask?
OP, you need new friends. Those guys don't respect you. I would cease all communication with them if I were you. You should not have to tell someone over and over again the same thing. Also, if you think White, Latino, Asian men magically respect all women, you are delusional. Its not the race of the man, it is the character of the man. You have been running into some questionable characters, that is the problem. You need to set boundries, and stick with them.
The guys you are dating are filtering YOU. Women aren't the only ones doing testing on a date. IMO more and more men are escalating on first and second dates because they are tired of long and drawn out courtships that cost them too much money and go nowhere. Even a lot of men looking for LTRs will escalate sooner rather than later.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s I was Mr shy and passive. The few dates that I did get I would wait way too long to make a move on the girl and by that time she was no longer interested in having a physical relationship. I learned a hard lesson that too soon is always better than too late.
Why would you begrudge these men for going after what they want and finding out sooner rather than later that your not the lady for them? Most men that have balls and have no problem asking out alot of women are not going to wait around for 3, 4, 5, 6 dates for you to give them some sign for them to escalate. Talking about sex is a good way for a man to see how far up the prudish meter the woman is or if she is down to earth.Yes men can go overboard and be too crass, but hey on the other hand she might like it too.
Bottom line is, in dating as is in life YOU have to go after what you want. If you want something, go get it and you can't rely on someone else to provide it for you. If your tired of the quality of the men asking you out. Then YOU need to start asking out the men you want to date. Do some hunting and ask around for a less aggressive and more passive guy that wont bring up sex on the first date and ask him out yourself. If you think asking guys out and going after what you want is not for you, then I do not feel sorry for you and I wish you good luck.
I haven't dated seriously since I was 25 and the previous years I screwed myself by not moving early enough several times. I did have one girl I started dating seriously tell me that she was waiting to put out with me because I was a good guy, but with my looks if I was less interesting it would be on. This was after we didn't work, but my ego was hurt too much to accept the one off.
To the OP, I don't see where holding hands in a movie or complimenting your lips has to do with sex talk? If I reach over to hold a womans hand during a date it doesn't mean sex. Same with complementing her her lips, nose or ears. If he was looking at you like a drooling dog and saying he wanted to bang you that would be a different story.
........ My best male friend constantly asks me to take pictures of my chest and lower body area and text or "sext" them to him and I always tell him I do not want to. But he persists. ...........
OP, some men (not all men) will treat you as badly as you allow them to behave. Some men (not all men) have been raised with absolutely no concept of manners. Some men (not all men) have been raised to believe they are special little snowflakes and can have anything they desire if they just wish hard enough and they can have a gold star without putting any effort in.
It is up to you to set boundaries. For the dude who wants naked pictures, the answer should have been stronger than "I don't want to". It should have been a firm "Absolutely not. Don't ask again". (and please never send any photos to anyone that you aren't hoping to see plastered all over the internet for the world to see)
If you don't want your hand held, take your hand back. You don't have to sit there and tolerate it if you don't like it.
Some men just want sex and they don't care with whom, so they will get right to the point, because they don't want to invest any time or effort if the sex isn't going to happen immediately. They don't care if they offend you, because they don't care about you as a person. If they make you uncomfortable, don't go out with them.
You come off as weak. Weak women are easy to take advantage of because they can be bullied and pressured and aren't strong enough to resist or deny. Set boundaries and be firm about it and you will have fewer problems.
" Some men just want sex and they don't care with whom, so they will get right to the point, because they don't want to invest any time or effort if the sex isn't going to happen immediately. They don't care if they offend you, because they don't care about you as a person. If they make you uncomfortable, don't go out with them."
Strongly disagree with this. Just because someone is upfront and honest about their expectations on sex doesn't mean they are uncaring monsters.There is no rule book or laws we all have to go by when it comes to dating.Just because you want a fast dating process doesn't make you a bad person. If the OP dislikes this type of men and that's all shes getting then she needs to start asking out her type of man herself.
" Some men just want sex and they don't care with whom, so they will get right to the point, because they don't want to invest any time or effort if the sex isn't going to happen immediately. They don't care if they offend you, because they don't care about you as a person. If they make you uncomfortable, don't go out with them."
Strongly disagree with this. Just because someone is upfront and honest about their expectations on sex doesn't mean they are uncaring monsters.There is no rule book or laws we all have to go by when it comes to dating.Just because you want a fast dating process doesn't make you a bad person. If the OP dislikes this type of men and that's all shes getting then she needs to start asking out her type of man herself.
The guys you are dating are filtering YOU. Women aren't the only ones doing testing on a date. IMO more and more men are escalating on first and second dates because they are tired of long and drawn out courtships that cost them too much money and go nowhere. Even a lot of men looking for LTRs will escalate sooner rather than later.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s I was Mr shy and passive. The few dates that I did get I would wait way too long to make a move on the girl and by that time she was no longer interested in having a physical relationship. I learned a hard lesson that too soon is always better than too late.
Why would you begrudge these men for going after what they want and finding out sooner rather than later that your not the lady for them? Most men that have balls and have no problem asking out alot of women are not going to wait around for 3, 4, 5, 6 dates for you to give them some sign for them to escalate. Talking about sex is a good way for a man to see how far up the prudish meter the woman is or if she is down to earth.Yes men can go overboard and be too crass, but hey on the other hand she might like it too.
Bottom line is, in dating as is in life YOU have to go after what you want. If you want something, go get it and you can't rely on someone else to provide it for you. If your tired of the quality of the men asking you out. Then YOU need to start asking out the men you want to date. Do some hunting and ask around for a less aggressive and more passive guy that wont bring up sex on the first date and ask him out yourself. If you think asking guys out and going after what you want is not for you, then I do not feel sorry for you and I wish you good luck.
This is how I approached dating and I always got what I wanted, I have some certain things I like in bed and don't want to wait till the end of time to figure out if she is game. I also certainly not going to stick around for a women who is dating 7 men to figure out what she wants either, I have way too much stuff going on to deal with that. But just because I have lots of interesting stuff going on does not mean I don't want to have regular sex either.
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