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Thanks for the advice! You took time to analyze the situation so thanks for that. Here is the thing:
I asked my wife that if she wants to go to Bahamas with me and with the kids in June. BUT I also told her that if you go to Bahamas in June then you cannot visit Ohio this year due to financial reasons. The way I see it I gave her a choice to go to Bahamas (Beautiful Beaches) or Ohio (Family). She chose Ohio!!!!!
I told her OK that is your choice! If you don't want to go to Bahamas with me and the kids then I would like to go ALONE. She said "HELL NO".. case closed. I asked her why cannot I go alone since you don't want to go she said IT IS MY RIGHT TO VISIT MY FAMILY AND I DON'T GO THERE FOR FUN.
Anyway! I guess I will tell her that I will go no matter what and I will just go.
Ask her what she DOES want to do for fun. Ask her if she's still interested in taking a fun or romantic vacation. If she says "no", you might want to discuss counseling, as a last resort before divorce.
How are other aspects of the marriage, btw? Do you make mutual decisions about the kids (schooling, etc.)? Are you both happy with the level of intimacy? Do you get along, other than this one area of conflict?
She does like to go to all the places where I like to go BUT and a big BUT she does not want to compromise her visit to Ohio (her parents). In other words if there is a choice to go to Fiji Islands vs Ohio she will always choose Ohio. She gives excuses like during vacation who will take care of the kids. I told her that I will take the 100% responsibility of the kids still she comes back with we can go when the kids are older.
We do not argue about any other thing. Everything is very good except for this one thing.
She does like to go to all the places where I like to go BUT and a big BUT she does not want to compromise her visit to Ohio (her parents). In other words if there is a choice to go to Fiji Islands vs Ohio she will always choose Ohio. She gives excuses like during vacation who will take care of the kids. I told her that I will take the 100% responsibility of the kids still she comes back with we can go when the kids are older.
We do not argue about any other thing. Everything is very good except for this one thing.
Thanks for the additional info. It's still not clear why she requires 2 visits to Ohio per year, though. It would be perfectly reasonable, if there's the possibility of two vacations, for her to choose the destination for one, and you to choose it for the other. But that's not happening here. The mystery, is: Why?
This is where the complication starts. When she visits to Ohio to her family she does not count that a vacation. She goes for 1 month .. yes 30 days. The kids are also with her and so are the grand parents and her siblings but still she does not count that as a vacation. On the other hand if I visit alone my sister in Florida for even 3 days that is count as automatic vacation and I am penalized for having fun.
Meanwhile during those 30 days I am sitting at home and doing nothing (except of course going to work).
This is where the complication starts. When she visits to Ohio to her family she does not count that a vacation. She goes for 1 month .. yes 30 days. The kids are also with her and so are the grand parents and her siblings but still she does not count that as a vacation. On the other hand if I visit alone my sister in Florida for even 3 days that is count as automatic vacation and I am penalized for having fun.
Meanwhile during those 30 days I am sitting at home and doing nothing (except of course going to work).
Sounds selfish to me. This would be a huge road block in my marriage and I would be calling her out on it.
This is where the complication starts. When she visits to Ohio to her family she does not count that a vacation. She goes for 1 month .. yes 30 days. The kids are also with her and so are the grand parents and her siblings but still she does not count that as a vacation. On the other hand if I visit alone my sister in Florida for even 3 days that is count as automatic vacation and I am penalized for having fun.
Meanwhile during those 30 days I am sitting at home and doing nothing (except of course going to work).
OP, bag the word games she's playing. A trip to Ohio is a vacation, whether she has fun or not. (It draws on your vacation budget, so it's a vacation. It's her choice whether to enjoy it or not.) If she doesn't have fun, why is she going TWICE yearly?! She's a glutton for punishment? I mean, really, WTF? Is she from a Puritanical background, where she believes adults aren't allowed to have fun? This is starting to sound a little freaky, OP. Maybe counseling really is in order.
Or, you could try telling her you're absolutely miserable when you visit your sister, but it's a family obligation. Tell her your misery is bigger than her misery when she's with her parents. (I'm being sarcastic, of course, but you see how ridiculous the whole thing is?)
Yup! That is the definition of selfish. BTW if you tell my wife she is selfish then she start breaking stuff. I never use that word although selfish describes her behavior perfectly.
Yup! That is the definition of selfish. BTW if you tell my wife she is selfish then she start breaking stuff. I never use that word although selfish describes her behavior perfectly.
Not only does she sound selfish but it sounds like she has some anger issues to go along with that. Was she spoiled as a child?
The worse part is that I tell her to go out with your friends and have a fun time. Go to places, leave the kids with grand parents and siblings and go with your friends. I would never ever tell her not to go to places. I want her to go places. I want her to enjoy!! Last time when I visited Ohio to meet with her she told me that she has not stepped out of the house for 20 days. I told her WHY WHY WHY!! Leave the kids with someone, take the car and JUST GO. I don't understand. Anyway, this year I am going to go anyway I work very very hard and I think I deserve at least 4 days off. 4 days is more than enough for me.
Timmyy: No anger issues she just does not like anyone calling her selfish!
Yup! That is the definition of selfish. BTW if you tell my wife she is selfish then she start breaking stuff. I never use that word although selfish describes her behavior perfectly.
WHOA! Whoa, whoa! You said the marriage was fine. This doesn't sound fine at all. This is a huge red flag. What else are you hiding under the carpet? Do you sometimes have to walk on eggshells around her in order to keep the marriage on a "fine" keel? It sounds like you're not able to communicate with her about your differences.
Splurge, OP. Make it 5 days off. You have to allow for days in transit, anyway. You've earned it.
But you two do need counseling...
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Is she from a Puritanical background, where she believes adults aren't allowed to have fun? This is starting to sound a little freaky, OP. Maybe counseling really is in order.
Do you sometimes have to walk on eggshells around her in order to keep the marriage on a "fine" keel? It sounds like you're not able to communicate with her about your differences.