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For others, they use it as an underlying basis to show each other their love, build each other up, and remain committed to each other, and to raise a family around.
In a practical sense, there are definate civil contractual benefits that married couples enjoy in medical, legal, and financial rights too.
Being married to someone is not about any one aspect of all of this, but all of it put together.
There is a reason why our gay and lesbian communities are fighting so hard for the right to marriage, and it isn't because they like divorce or think it is "outdated."
That doesn't mean it is necessarily for everyone either, and there is nothing wrong with that!
I have been married, 40 years ago, that was what people did...they got married.
Now, it seems to me, many couples choose to live together, have children, basically live "as married", but do not get married.
Is marriage important?
Why?
Why Not?
Marriage does not guarantee a commitment, or anything else.
Do people get married, because of family and society expectations? I know, back in the day, I got married, that is what you did....living together was not acceptable, except we knew people did it, in California! Not Utah, where I lived.
What is the difference between living together, long term, and being married?
Interestingly, I didn't see much point in marriage until a gay man who is one of my closest friends enumerated all the reasons he wanted the right to marry a future partner.
I still don't feel much desire to get married, but the legal benefits are undeniable. If I was in a loving and committed long-term relationship, I would want to provide that to my significant other and any children we might have.
A solid marriage provides a strong stable foundation for raising a family.
I don't really agree with this. A solid relationship and commitment provide a stable foundation for raising a family, and marriage is one possible model for that relationship and commitment. But the marriage certificate itself is not really an important factor. The commitment to each other and to the relationship is what provides that stability. It is achievable in the absence of a marriage certification. And a marriage certificate in no way necessarily indicates its presence as evidenced by many examples.
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When people are past childbearing age or interest there are still advantages and protections to being married, but I can see how someone in your situation may not desire it.
However, while you yourself are no longer raising kids, your guy's son is - so I can also understand his concern about the example you two are setting as the elder generation.
If they are in a loving, healthy, committed relationship, I cannot see why this would be a bad example. I would rather exemplify that than the oh so easy acquisition of a certificate.
I have been married, 40 years ago, that was what people did...they got married.
Now, it seems to me, many couples choose to live together, have children, basically live "as married", but do not get married.
Is marriage important?
It is for me/us.
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Why?
I can only speak for myself. When we got married, we were pretty young. It was part of being in nuuuuub. We each had a view of what marriage is. It was an educational process for us to go through to realize that we needed to craft our own life together, not mold ourselves to some preconceived notion of what marriage is. It was challenging but really illuminating.
Now, the strength of our commitment to each other has little to do with marriage. It has to do with each other. And our kids.
For me now, marriage is a set of benefits. Tax, finances, survivorship, parenting... All practical. All hard to unglue, and seriously damaging for both of us if we were to try to unglue. Since neither of us have any interest in dissolution, it works for us.
But from the standpoint of guarantees of emotional commitment it is useless, as you observe. It is well worth remembering that there simply are no guarantees. Anyone who enters into marriage with a lazy view that now the work is done is doomed, not just or necessarily to a divorce, but to a marriage that is only worth the paper it is written on. They will never see the depth of love and commitment that is possible in a relationship.
For me now, my husband, the person, is way more important to me that marriage. I sure am glad he agrees.
No, seriously, this discussion came up between me and my BF, "Should we get married?". He asked me what I thought, I told him, it did not matter to me...so, we just left that where it is...we really are very happy, and have been living together for over a year now. Been together for three years.
Seems like his son is dismayed we live in "sin", and we are not setting a good example for his kids. My kids don't care. All are grown up....
I think once you get to a certain age you get a free pass. When my mother and step dad finally got married by a Justice of the Peace us kids were like "ehh ok". From a joint property stand point it probably made sense.
Interestingly, I didn't see much point in marriage until a gay man who is one of my closest friends enumerated all the reasons he wanted the right to marry a future partner.
I still don't feel much desire to get married, but the legal benefits are undeniable. If I was in a loving and committed long-term relationship, I would want to provide that to my significant other and any children we might have.
There are issues of living wills and having your final wishes carried out. They are decided by your next of kin and if you are not married then it falls in one of your relatives lap like maybe that sibling you can't stand.
Should you die, your social security benefits cannot be claimed by your 'significant other.'
Everything you own cannot be claimed by your 'significant other' should you die suddenly with no will. That person could be out on the street and lose everything you built together and own. This is a strong issue with gay marriage. Especial significant if your relatives do not like your 'significant other' or your lifestyle.
I do know several couples who have been together for years and aren't married and have great relationships - better than some marriages, but there are some real factors to consider when deciding not to marry.
I think shacking up before marriage unromanticises marriage (is that even a word? Lol) and cheapens it. My boyfriend completely disagrees with me and thinks couples should live together before marriage. I have no idea what we're gonna do when (if) we get to that point, but I hope not a break up.
I and many of my friends still believes marriage is important. Even my friends who don't really care to have children.
Conversely, I believe that marriage itself is "unromantic." It's filled with legal documents, prenuptial agreements, and a celebration/wedding that is romanticized as being the "best day of your life."
I spoke about marriage with my boyfriend quite a few times, and the only reason we would do it is so he could get on my health insurance plan. Oh, so romantic. I just don't feel the need to get married to make a commitment to someone. Regardless of getting married or not, people can leave a relationship.
To me, marriage doesn't mean anything. It's just another form to fill out. The people who ruin marriage are the ones who get divorced, cheat, lie, etc.
Marriage affords legalities. Eligibility for any corporate benefits, social security, and inheritance without being taxed and tax benefits.
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