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Old 01-04-2014, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 93,228 times
Reputation: 16

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I've been married for 39 years but my wife and I have been legally separated for a year ago.

Our marriage was mostly a mistake. I never truly liked her but at the time that's what people did: get married. She was certainly very pretty, very intelligent, honest and hard working but I wasn't born to stay with just one woman. I must have slept with dozens of different women throughout our marriage, I always wanted to be with other women.

It never progressed to more than a few nights of sex and it only happened when I was away from home. I was never meant to be the dutiful idyllic husband who enjoyed staying home. I tried to convince myself that I would change and act differently but I was only fooling myself and everyone around me. I think it came to a point where I had to be honest with myself.

Of course not everything was bad. We have 4 grown up sons who I love dearly who have given me 3 grandchildren already.

One day I spoke to her, left our house and bought another for myself. I brought everything that belonged to me, we took care of the legal papers to get separated, separated bank accounts and whatever property we could. She's no longer in my life insurance or my will (the only beneficiaries are my sons) but I still pay her pension.

She stopped working after our 2nd son was born which I never to be a good idea. Her whole life has revolved about us. She has few assets of herself, just a small part of the money her parents left when they passed away.

Now I can finally have the carefree lifestyle I've always enjoyed, I can come and go as I like, I can go out at night without being questioned, I can bring a few escorts around (I'm aware of my age, I'm not the pathetic old man trying to attract young women) and I do whatever I want.

She showed up at my house before Christimas, crying her eyes out and hugged me, saying she didn't care about what I had done in the past because she couldn't live without me after so many years. She said she couldn't live in that house on her own anymore. I told her my decision had been made and she was only fooling herself.

I told her she should get another man and move with her life because I would be the first one to congratulate them. She said she would never do that because she's still married to me and I was the only man in her life. She's very religious and that's one of the reasons why we didn't get a divorce.

How can I make her understand the best she can do is carry on with her life? Not for me but for our children and grandchildren. She keeps sending me text messages saying to come back home, she has forgiven me, etc.

 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:23 PM
 
Location: If I tell you, will you visit?
887 posts, read 1,101,561 times
Reputation: 981
I dunno man. Doesn't sound like you are up for it so stand your ground.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 93,228 times
Reputation: 16
Sorry for the long post by the way.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 93,228 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumptacular View Post
I dunno man. Doesn't sound like you are up for it so stand your ground.
I always knew it wasn't a good idea for her to stop working. Her whole life was dedicated to us. She has been a terrific mother of course but I knew one day it would be difficult for her to adapt to a new reality.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:33 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,751,518 times
Reputation: 42769
Perhaps finally proceeding with the divorce will convince her of the finality of your decision? Separation sounds like you just moved out for a while.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:33 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,771,101 times
Reputation: 54735
It was wrong of you to stay with her for 40 years and have children with her when you never loved her and disrespected her throughout her marriage. Now she is what, 60+?

You stole the best years of her life, I don't think she will find it easy to just breeze off and start anew, unlike yourself.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,580 posts, read 34,973,721 times
Reputation: 73937
I'm going to bring out the standard players with this post.

I hope when she does realize what you have done, and she is ready to move on that divorces you, that her divorce attorney is good enough that you will subsidize her getting a new life.

I feel horrible for her that she was living a lie all these years.
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Old 01-04-2014, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 93,228 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Perhaps finally proceeding with the divorce will convince her of the finality of your decision? Separation sounds like you just moved out for a while.
Divorce after all these years is going to be a legal odyssey. There's no way she has the money to give me half of our house's current value.

But not being divorced doesn't bother me, I still refer to her as my wife, which is perfectly natural to me.

Besides, she's very Catholic and said she has married for life to only one man.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:40 PM
 
112 posts, read 118,612 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
It was wrong of you to stay with her for 40 years and have children with her when you never loved her and disrespected her throughout her marriage. Now she is what, 60+?

You stole the best years of her life, I don't think she will find it easy to just breeze off and start anew, unlike yourself.
Contrary to what your post suggests, women are not hapless victims with no agency over their own lives. This woman could have left 10, 20 or, h*ll even 30 years ago. Not saying OP is an angel, but the responsibility for this situation is 50/50.
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:43 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,751,518 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlonzoHelmt View Post
Divorce after all these years is going to be a legal odyssey. There's no way she has the money to give me half of our house's current value.

But not being divorced doesn't bother me, I still refer to her as my wife, which is perfectly natural to me.

Besides, she's very Catholic and said she has married for life to only one man.
Then suggesting she get a new man, especially while she is still married, was rather disingenuous of you, don't you think?
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