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Old 01-04-2014, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Illinois
4,751 posts, read 5,418,752 times
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I am a life-long insomniac, and I have also been single for many, many years.

There are nights I would give just about anything to have someone there next to me, whether I was awake or asleep.

Go to bed with your wife.
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Old 01-05-2014, 07:46 AM
 
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,169,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33 View Post
I am a life-long insomniac, and I have also been single for many, many years.

There are nights I would give just about anything to have someone there next to me, whether I was awake or asleep.

Go to bed with your wife.
I agree with you.

The "new wave" of doing in too many marriages these days is to live like roommates imo. Also "I LOVE" my SO but I don't want to be with them sought of way imo. Already half-way towards eventual divorce with a good percentage imo.

I'm all for having "some" space but not in this scenario of if at all possible being in bed with your SO.
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Old 01-05-2014, 07:51 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,073,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Both of us spend a lot of time reading in bed, we are both bad sleepers. We also installed red bulbs on the nightstands. The red light is not as invasive when you turn it on.... plus it's kinda fun for other bedtime purposes. Dual purpose!

I've used green lights for more than 20 years, I also put them outside on the porch not as invasive there either.
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,843,468 times
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What is common for other couples is completely irrelevant to you and your wife.

Your wife told you what she needs. Sure, you like your me time, but why can't you have it at other times of the day? In the scheme of your life, you'll lose out by not having healthy sleep habits.

If you have to, put yourself and your wife to bed at 10:30. enjoy some snuggle time or more. then when she is snoozing, get up and do your thing.

I can tell you from hard experience...when my husband started staying up late to work out or use the internet, and refused to compromise, it was extremely damaging to our marriage.
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:35 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,596,320 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
How is it a compromise to do what she wants? As mentioned in my earlier post, as long as they have some time in the evening for that emotional connection, then she should be able to go to bed by herself. Accompanying her to bed until she falls asleep sounds too much like a parent putting their toddler to bed, IMO.
I have a couple of friends who always go to bed separately, and it's none of my business really, but I can't help but wonder when do they have sex, especially if they work during the day and have young kids around at night...
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:46 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,033,071 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I have a couple of friends who always go to bed separately, and it's none of my business really, but I can't help but wonder when do they have sex, especially if they work during the day and have young kids around at night...
LOL...well, I can tell you that we rarely have sex when we go to bed. Actually, I can't think of the last time that has happened. When we climb into bed it's because we are exhausted and sex is the last thing on our minds.
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:55 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,710,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
What is common for other couples is completely irrelevant to you and your wife.

Your wife told you what she needs. Sure, you like your me time, but why can't you have it at other times of the day? In the scheme of your life, you'll lose out by not having healthy sleep habits.

If you have to, put yourself and your wife to bed at 10:30. enjoy some snuggle time or more. then when she is snoozing, get up and do your thing.

I can tell you from hard experience...when my husband started staying up late to work out or use the internet, and refused to compromise, it was extremely damaging to our marriage.
^^^ this

What other couples do doesn't make one iota of difference to your relationship. Compromise in a relationship is everything. You are being self centred instead of 'we' centred.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,381,447 times
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This is one of those things you need to make adjustments on. When my fiance and I first got together, he was accustomed to dozing off at what is an "early" time for me (10 or so). I'm a night owl who makes myself go to bed around midnight if I have to be up early, but will stay up reading or working on projects till 1 or 2 if I don't have to be up early. Early on, I adjusted downward, and went to bed a little earlier to accommodate him, and eventually, he stretched his bedtime out a little later to accommodate me. I still don't stay up as late as I would if I were living alone, and he doesn't go to bed as early as he would if he were living alone, but it works out well. It's not even about sex (our intimacy tends to take place at times other than right before bedtime...we don't have kids, so we have some flexibility on that), it's about us both liking to have that nighttime going-to-bed ritual (I sometimes read after he's fallen asleep if I'm not all that tired, as he's not bothered by a bedside lamp or the backlighting of an e-reader), and at times when we're both sleepy, curling up and falling asleep together. It's a nice connection thing for us.

It really just depends on what is important to you as a couple, too. Some people don't care at all if they go to bed at different times (a lot will be dependent upon whether or not that's your typical time for intimacy, too...sometimes, going to bed at different times is an indicator that intimacy's not happening/somebody doesn't care for it to be happening, and that indicates all kinds of underlying problems...for others, bedtime isn't when that's happening, anyway). If neither of you is bothered by not going to bed at the same time, it's not a problem. But, if your wife is saying she wishes you would go to bed when she does, it's bothering her, and that should be something you consider. For a lot of couples, choosing not to go to bed together can be a definite signifier of a deliberate stepping back WRT intimacy
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Old 01-05-2014, 10:34 AM
 
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,169,305 times
Reputation: 5154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
^^^ this

What other couples do doesn't make one iota of difference to your relationship. Compromise in a relationship is everything. You are being self centred instead of 'we' centred.
Let me agree with a post in this thread one more time.

If one really truely loves their SO, they then should really care about them and their needs.
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Old 01-05-2014, 11:24 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,596,320 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
LOL...well, I can tell you that we rarely have sex when we go to bed. Actually, I can't think of the last time that has happened. When we climb into bed it's because we are exhausted and sex is the last thing on our minds.
Okay, so when DO you have sex? Just wondering. Of course you don't have to answer that though....
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