Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Wow, so many different and varied responses to the topic. Didn't expect to see such a wide range of opinions.
I agree compromise in a relationship is extremely important, which is why I do go to bed with her about half the time currently. Like some others suggested though, I think I will try to go lay down with her till she falls asleep, but she'll definitely need to do some compromise too. As I said, I would be fine if I could take my laptop or books into bed, but she has a hard time falling asleep if there when I have some type of light in the room, or if I'm pressing buttons, flipping pages, typing, etc, and usually wants me to just sleep with her instead. It's miserable to just lay in bed wide awake for 30 or so minutes.
Thanks again for all the responses. Also to comment on the sex thing people mentioned about couples who don't sleep together not having a sex life is totally not true. As someone else mentioned, sex is usually the last thing we want to do when we are ready for bed at night. Sure we don't have kids yet, but we both work full-time and have sex all throughout the day at random times and love our sex life. I'm sure we will continue to find new ways and times to have sex even once we have kids too.
When I was married my husband did this. I expressed to him that I missed our time together and wished he would go to bed with me. He did it for a couple of days and we actually had sex... Then it was back to me alone in bed. We divorced a result, because sexual bonding is crucial in a marriage.
Okay, so when DO you have sex? Just wondering. Of course you don't have to answer that though....
Most of the times it's either in the morning or early evening when he comes home from work. We go in the bedroom to change out of our work clothes and ...well, it's easy access
On the weekends it's pretty much whenever the mood strikes.
Wow, so many different and varied responses to the topic. Didn't expect to see such a wide range of opinions.
I agree compromise in a relationship is extremely important, which is why I do go to bed with her about half the time currently. Like some others suggested though, I think I will try to go lay down with her till she falls asleep, but she'll definitely need to do some compromise too. As I said, I would be fine if I could take my laptop or books into bed, but she has a hard time falling asleep if there when I have some type of light in the room, or if I'm pressing buttons, flipping pages, typing, etc, and usually wants me to just sleep with her instead. It's miserable to just lay in bed wide awake for 30 or so minutes.
Most of the times it's either in the morning or early evening when he comes home from work. We go in the bedroom to change out of our work clothes and ...well, it's easy access
On the weekends it's pretty much whenever the mood strikes.
Ditto...we rarely do the "bedtime sex, then roll over and fall asleep" thing.
Me and my wife have been together a little over 3 years. For the first year and a half or so, we pretty much always went to bed together at the same time. However, things were simpler back then, she was just a student (not working) and I had a job with flexible hours. We usually would not go to bed till 2,3 or even 4AM sometimes. (I remember quite a few fun 1AM pizza runs!, lol!)
Anyway, in the last year or so especially, she started working a strictly scheduled job from 9-5 usually. Since then she realized she can't pull the late nights anymore and she usually tries to go to bed by 11, at least before midnight. Me on the other hand started working from home and have even more flexible hours than I did before. I still like to burn the midnight oil and stay up late, so this basically created a situation where we were constantly going to bed and waking up at different times.
Getting to the point, my wife expressed to me she gets really sad that we don't go to bed at the same time anymore, and misses sleeping together. She said it makes her feel lonely and sad. I definitely understand where she's coming from as there has been a few instances where I went to bed earlier and definitely felt sad she wasn't there as I drifted to sleep. However, I really love burning the midnight oil and find it difficult to force myself to bed early at 11PM when I want to accomplish so many other things yet.
Not only that, but sometimes I feel that those quiet nights are my most productive times of the day. The hustle and bustle of the daytime is gone, work is over, it's quiet outside, the pets and wife are asleep. I've found this a great time to burn through some of my online classes, work on personal projects, or just finally have some personal time to play through a video game, read a book, or pursue some of my other hobbies. By going to bed earlier with her, I feel like I would miss out on all this time to have some "me" time.
I also feel it's somewhat common for couples to sleep at different times. I hear many stories from my married friends and acquaintances of them doing the same thing as me. Staying up all night till 3AM or so after the wife and kids are asleep so they have some time to themselves. We don't have kids yet, but I can only imagine I'm going to want to burn the midnight oil even more once we do.
So I'm just curious to see what people think about this situation. Should I compromise and go to bed earlier even though I don't have too? It's been challenging to force myself to sleep early and also get up early, (especially when there is no need to) and it's also very easy to fall off the schedule. Burn the midnight oil once and sleep in and I find it impossible to fall asleep early the next day. My body and mind are simply not tired enough! Any thoughts, suggestions? How common or uncommon is it for couples to have different sleep schedules. Is this something that can be a major problem down the road or no? Like I said, I feel most couples I know go to sleep at different times. Would be great to hear new perspectives!
You should go to bed with her. Get up early, start work early, from the time you finish your work until dinner or she gets home you have time to read or play video games, and then do school work after dinner, if no school work to do, chill with her.
This is just me though. I am an early riser. I like to get to bed by 11:30 at the latest on regular nights so I can get up early. Early morning is peaceful and beautiful. If I go to bed late and wake up late, I like to do something strenuous so I get tired and get back on my usual schedule.
I think my bed time would be a big conflict I go to bed around 2am or 3am and get up at 7:30 am five nights a week. The two night i do not have to work I only get 6 hours of sleep.
I agree compromise in a relationship is extremely important, which is why I do go to bed with her about half the time currently. Like some others suggested though, I think I will try to go lay down with her till she falls asleep, but she'll definitely need to do some compromise too. As I said, I would be fine if I could take my laptop or books into bed, but she has a hard time falling asleep if there when I have some type of light in the room, or if I'm pressing buttons, flipping pages, typing, etc, and usually wants me to just sleep with her instead. It's miserable to just lay in bed wide awake for 30 or so minutes.
See, now I think she needs to compromise.
DH likes me to cuddle in the morning, and I'm a wake up and get moving kind of person. The compromise is I will stay in bed if I can read, which is a Kindle so there is light which he hates... so I gave him my sleep mask. I am incapable of just lying there.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
DH likes me to cuddle in the morning, and I'm a wake up and get moving kind of person. The compromise is I will stay in bed if I can read, which is a Kindle so there is light which he hates... so I gave him my sleep mask. I am incapable of just lying there.
Will you please make up your mind? No wonder men go crazy trying to please many women out there.
Really, compromise is good and good that you're doing so with your DH.
IMO I don't think it's asking much for her DH to be with her in bed till she falls asleep.
When I was married my husband did this. I expressed to him that I missed our time together and wished he would go to bed with me. He did it for a couple of days and we actually had sex... Then it was back to me alone in bed. We divorced a result, because sexual bonding is crucial in a marriage.
Up until this post, I always thought you were a male poster.
Anyways, I totally agree. I don't think it's as crucial to some people though. Different desires and all.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm sure we will continue to find new ways and times to have sex even once we have kids too. 
Will you please make up your mind? No wonder men go crazy trying to please many women out there. 
