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Old 01-07-2014, 07:55 PM
 
7 posts, read 31,033 times
Reputation: 28

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Hi.

I don't want this to be another 'Omg my life is so horrible' thread but at the moment I just don't know who to talk to and what to do. I know, sad. Let me explain a little bit more.

The love of my life (at least I thought it was) left me last week after two years of relationship. I'm female, 26 years old. I met him during my studies and left everything behind for him. My family, friends, my whole life in Europe (I'm European) to live with him in his country. While I had problems to really feel home in his country, our relationship was going great and his family included and welcomed me so much that I never felt alone or lonely. I've been working selfemployed for many years, so I never met people at an office or so. To be honest, I only have one good friend here. But of course she also has her own life, a boyfriend, work etc.
Well and now I'm alone. My boyfriend is gone, breaking up with me out of the nowhere (just a few days ago we were still planning a trip in summer, he called me family and told me he loves me), telling me that we're just fighting too much (I didn't think so). I'm alone now in our apartment, he's staying at his parents until I move out. And right now I just couldn't feel worse and lonlier. In fact, I've never felt so lonely in my entire life. Maybe I was stupid to base my life just on him (and work), but I was so happy with that. Now that he's gone I feel lie I'm alone in the world. Yes, I do have some friends in Europe, but to be honest there is nobody I wanna share all my private life with. They are more friends to have fun with, to hang out. And my life just feels so empty now without him. During the day I'm working (alone, also not talking to anyone) , but at night I feel so incredible sad and lonely.

To stop whining, I don't know what to do now with my life. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm home nowhere. I haven't lived in my own country for a couple of years because my mother is dead, I don't really have a relationship to my father, I have no siblings and actually I don't really have anything there that would make me go back. So going back to my own country is no option for me. Second, I'm selfemployed, so I couldn't even get a job somewhere that would force me to move there. I'm free as a bird, which most people consider as great, but that makes it just more difficult for me. I don't have friends in any specific country where I would say 'great, I'm gonna move there for them'. Most of my friends live in the States, where I cannot live because I don't have a visa. I could also stay here, but everything here reminds me of him and I feel like I'll not be able to start an independent happy life here.

I'm sorry if this thread is totally whiney but I'm just at a point at my life where I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lonely and lost. And with 26 I'm not the youngest anymore to just do another degree somewhere else or so.

I'm thankful about any advice.
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Old 01-07-2014, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,408,210 times
Reputation: 40085
It's okay to take "5 minutes" to whine and cry when life throws you a curve ball and smashes the fine crystal of your heart

So let me commiserate...I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Big hugs, truly.

NOW....time to get proactive okay?

Every unexpected heartbreak has the potential to help us grow as people.

This is YOUR chance for soul growth, and that is not a bad thing

You just have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship first. While you are grieving just be good to yourself. Eat right, exercise every day, and try to make as many healthy choices as you can for yourself.

Once the fog clears you can begin to formulate some plans.

The important thing here is going to be how you choose to frame the story you are writing in your head right now. IF you decide to stay stuck in your hurt you will write yourself as the victim in your story. Please don't do that. Do your best to frame your story in a way that helps you to see yourself as a big flower opening up after a heavy rain and reaching toward the sunlight
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Old 01-07-2014, 08:50 PM
 
Location: In the middle.
543 posts, read 495,331 times
Reputation: 566
You have no idea what lonely is.
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Old 01-07-2014, 08:54 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
14,605 posts, read 24,254,477 times
Reputation: 27757
This is why it is important to establish a 'self' and not let a relationship be your identity. It places one in a truly vulnerable position when your partner decides he or she has had enough. I'm saying this because you stated that you gave up everything for him. I hope you take the lesson from this that you need to have a strong sense of self before you partner off with someone again, because if heaven forbid this happens again you'll feel even more miserable.

My best advice to you is whatever you do, give it your all. Work with passion, take up a new sport or pastime, volunteer if you can. Keeping your schedule packed helps to keep your mind off lonely thinking. At 26 you still have most of your life ahead of you - and be grateful he didn't string you along for a few more years. I've a close friend who was in a relationship with a guy who strung her along for about 4 years and then cut her loose. She was devastated. She had a hard time coping with 'why' and would call him and ask 'why' for months afterwards. Suffice it to say, it wasn't meant to be with this one and just keep your head up and move on.

You might want to reconsider returning to where your family members are, they may be able to provide the love and support you could really use most right now. Don't know your family well enough to know if this is right - that's of course for you to decide.

I sincerely hope everything works out well for you.
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,408,210 times
Reputation: 40085
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
That was a pretty ornery comment.
Well... hurt people, hurt people

Moving on....
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:17 PM
 
Location: If I tell you, will you visit?
888 posts, read 1,012,152 times
Reputation: 981
I'm sorry to hear your new year has gotten off to a rough start.

Hang in there. I know it must really feel crappy right now and it probably will feel crappy for another couple weeks. It does get easier though. In just a few months, the pain and loneliness will be nearly gone. One thing that has helped me is just finding something to do when I recognize when I'm starting to spiral down. I write a blog, or go clean something, hell, I even carved a bar of soap into a deflicted looking pig bear recently.

Be patient with yourself. Survival is an emotional and psychological roller coaster.
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Wandering in the Dothraki sea
1,405 posts, read 1,436,286 times
Reputation: 3415
Mod cut: orphaned response


Anyway, where are you located OP? Ignore the stupid negativity on here, there's lots of unreasonable, intellectually-deficient bitter people, as seen above. You can always make you own life in your new surroundings. If anything, this is one of those painful growing pains to help shape you into your own person, with your own friends and social network. You don't need a man to be happy. Try websites like meetup.com to find similar-minded people in your area. Lots of hugs to you. Keep your head up, sweetheart.

Last edited by Mikala43; 01-08-2014 at 08:32 PM..
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:23 PM
 
Location: sumter
11,601 posts, read 7,472,808 times
Reputation: 8663
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
It's okay to take "5 minutes" to whine and cry when life throws you a curve ball and smashes the fine crystal of your heart

So let me commiserate...I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Big hugs, truly.

NOW....time to get proactive okay?

Every unexpected heartbreak has the potential to help us grow as people.

This is YOUR chance for soul growth, and that is not a bad thing

You just have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship first. While you are grieving just be good to yourself. Eat right, exercise every day, and try to make as many healthy choices as you can for yourself.

Once the fog clears you can begin to formulate some plans.

The important thing here is going to be how you choose to frame the story you are writing in your head right now. IF you decide to stay stuck in your hurt you will write yourself as the victim in your story. Please don't do that. Do your best to frame your story in a way that helps you to see yourself as a big flower opening up after a heavy rain and reaching toward the sunlight
Good advice, I agree with this.
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,741 posts, read 9,536,853 times
Reputation: 6969
Bluewood, I am sorry you are going through this. Lovesmountains, as usual, has given some beautiful advice.

Take time for yourself to mourn this loss, and then move on with your life. There are so many opportunities ahead of you. You are young, educated, employed, worldly and FREE to continue to pursue your dreams and become a self-fulfilled independent person. Your happiness does not depend on another. Get out of your house, try new things, meet new people, enjoy life and all the advantages you have been given.
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Old 01-07-2014, 09:41 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,558,395 times
Reputation: 11961
This too shall pass.

Truest words ever. In a decade you won't even remember his last name.
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