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A lot of you feel you are wise about not just the dating game, but the game of life, the way people are and the way things work.
Let's say you're 50 years old (maybe you are already that old or older), married and with kids. You have a younger relative who is totally unattractive to the opposite sex and you care about them very much. Maybe they had a congenital disease. Maybe your nephew is under 5 feet tall and has a lazy eye. Or maybe your niece is over 6'4", has a weight problem, and a glass eye. I dunno, the specifics don't matter. The point is that physically their looks will be a dealbreaker with the majority of society. What % depends on your opinion of people.
Knowing what you know and your wisdom, if you could be as candid as possible without any consequences, how would you advise them to approach dating and life to help them in the best way possible?
I'd just tell him to live his life because he probably already understands that the dating pool will be limited. I'd encourage him to put himself out there, make friends and do things that he likes.
I sadly don't have the magic words to automatically make things better.
I'd just tell him to live his life because he probably already understands that the dating pool will be limited. I'd encourage him to put himself out there, make friends and do things that he likes.
I sadly don't have the magic words to automatically make things better.
I think that's good advice actually.
How would you advise them about approaching the opposite sex?
I do think it's difficult for those of average to above average appearance and who have no real physical defects to step into the shoes of someone who may be unattractive and has defects. They just can't fathom not getting asked out a few times a month, or doing online dating and getting no messages. For someone who has grown up having physical defects, being told to 'try harder' or 'every pot has it's lid' by someone who has had success or is perfectly average can be really difficult.
Regardless, I would tell them that they should focus on things they do have ultimate control over and perhaps through those activities they can find happiness and fullfilment and perhaps find a partner at some point.
This reminds me of a fellow I knew in college. I didn't know him too well, he was more of an acquaintance. He was born with some sort of disease, I think MS....he would always walk with crutches because his legs were misshapen, giving him a really odd gait. But you know what, he didn't suffer much in the dating field. He had a great attitude and didn't take himself too seriously (he would introduce himself as 'Crazy Legs Dave'). I think for someone like that, attitude is everything.
How would you advise them about approaching the opposite sex?
I would just tell him to just be himself but realize that not everyone is going to react positively.
I wasn't really much for approaching when I was single, especially not a cold approach. I would just tell him to be friendly to people and open to conversation.
I'd tell them to "be more interesting". Learn a language, a skill, an instrument. Have some s**t to talk about. Travel. Get some life experience. Anything where people would CHOOSE to interact with you, to think to themselves, "wow, I really enjoyed interacting with them". Whether it's because they're funny, cultured, intelligent, have an accent, whatever.
Bring something to the table. Looks are important, but they're not the only thing.
Develop other qualities. Hell, I advise that to my GOOD looking nieces. No one should be a one trick pony.
There are a lot of unattractive people in relationships and I didn't see any of them being kept in place by a leash or chains or anything.
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Grooming still helps a lot. Glass eyes, height, etc, may present real difficulties, but still, get a flattering hair cut, care for your body, wear flattering clothes.
After that, I guess they should have expectations to likely only date someone like themselves & try not to over-focus on it. I suspect these people often learned & accepted something many do not a long time ago - they are not attractive & there is more to life than romantic/sexual relationships. Whenever I've met people like this, they seem more self-accepting than most people. They seem to just focus on what they CAN control. If a disease or disability is involved, I guess they HAD to learn to think that way.
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