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Late at night I was in a bind and my car had a flat tire. It was before 10pm and I texted my co-worker who has a girlfriend of a month, and asked what to do when dealing with that. He gave me a couple worded answers for each reply. He then said, ask "____" who is the friend I was planning on visiting. Then my co-worker seemed really apathetic and didn't respond anymore. This friend who my co-worker told me to ask was drunk at a bar and I didn't want to bother him because I figured he wouldn't be concerned and so I thought my chances were better if I texted my co-worker who also knows about cars. Now I feel like I was being inappropriate but I was panicked because I didn't know whether I should drive my car or not to the nearest place to get air. I've known my co-worker for almost 2 years. He seemed pissed off that I contacted him, but his gf is only a month old. I didn't think it would be as big of deal. I rarely text him. It wasn't anything sexual, no casual questions, no chatting. Nothing. It was questions about a car which I know hardly anything about.
** Yes, this friend is also the one who 'gropped' me earlier. Another reason why I would have rather asked my co-worker instead of him.
Get yourself a membership to AAA. No need to call coworkers or friends late at night, then. It's really a basic essential for single women who drive.
You sound very familiar to me, because I was probably you 10 years ago. It seems, like some young women, you still haven't learned the difference between good attention and bad attention. ANY attention is good enough. Most women would have called a father, brother, cousin, or the operator and be put through to a tow truck - but you used it as an opportunity to get more ATTENTION from a current/former/whatever romantic interest. You didn't consider whether or not he could even assist with a flat (some men can't), whether he was busy doing something with someone else (he probably was), but the attention from a tow truck driver just was getting from point A to point B, and that isn't good enough.
Please, before you lose your job (you understand that this is coming, right?), find outside interests and learn how to respect yourself so that you aren't clinging onto any desperate attention you can get. Life is actually much more pleasant when you start respecting your own boundaries.
This is a very thoughtful post.
It would be worth examining why in a "panic" her first impulse is to reach out to him over anyone else in her life. Nothing is going to change without a critical look at oneself in the mirror.
It would be worth examining why in a "panic" her first impulse is to reach out to him over anyone else in her life. Nothing is going to change without a critical look at oneself in the mirror.
She did, in fact, give an examination of the situation and it wasn't 'panic.'
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshineflowers
Him and I have been friends and we have hungout outside of work. He has invited me to a social gathering, he has picked me up from my house to work, he tells me about his personal life at work, he's asked me to go to a bar. He was drunk once and asked to come inside my apartment to "mess around" when he had a gf and I declined saying it wasn't right. He and I are friends. The only difference is he's a guy and I am a female which makes the situation very complex. I don't have family around me but I shouldn't have texted him. All of my bad behavior was to get over him. When he broke up with his other girlfriend he and I then "messed around." It was a first time for me. I realized I really liked him a lot. Meeting guys offline was to get over him. I work with him and only him 80 hours a week. He is a work partner. So, it is hard to not get attached. I acted selfishly, but now I will do a very selfless thing and not have any contact whatsoever. I am getting AAA at this very moment and I hopefully will be able to take a workshop in automotive maintanence. He has told me he loves me before but not in the way that I dbut he doesn't feel the same and I was trying to cope in selfish, stupid ways. I am just over it because I don't want it to cause him problems.
???? Under the circumstances she outlined? The fact it was just a ruse to get this man's attention? On her way to see the man who, earlier had claimed he had groped her, to which you so staunchly advocated she charge with sexual battery?
And you still don't see how the OP is responsible for the situations she gets herself in, claiming she is merely a victim of other people's actions?
How could you possible say I am lying when it's all right here in this forum in black and white for all to see for ever and ever. Don't even go there paula...just don't. It isn't going to fly. All anyone has to do is click on your name to read all your posts on the matter.
Wiki doesn't address the real problem here or cater to these individual circumstances, it is just a guide for people in a general way.
Do you not read the threads you post in to see if the OP did a follow up post and clarified their original post further?
When I was dating my husband, he had a female friend who texted him a lot when I was over at his place.
He would tell her that he was busy, but that did not stop her from texting.
The main reason why she texted him was because she wanted to talk to him alone at that time... about her problems.
Her behavior was annoying to both of us. Her constant need for attention was annoying to both of us.
It got to the point that he had to cut ties with her.
OP:
It does not matter how long any guy you know has been going out with someone else. Your texting is taking time away from his building a relationship with the female. How would you feel if some female was texting your boyfriend while the two of you were spending time alone together?
You have to learn to stand on your own two feet. A better strategy is to resolve to take control of your own life. Recognize that with independence come confidence and a sense of well-being. You need that.
When I was dating my husband, he had a female friend who texted him a lot when I was over at his place.
He would tell her that he was busy, but that did not stop her from texting.
The main reason why she texted him was because she wanted to talk to him alone at that time... about her problems.
Her behavior was annoying to both of us. Her constant need for attention was annoying to both of us.
It got to the point that he had to cut ties with her.
OP:
It does not matter how long any guy you know has been going out with someone else. Your texting is taking time away from his building a relationship with the female. How would you feel if some female was texting your boyfriend while the two of you were spending time alone together?
You have to learn to stand on your own two feet. A better strategy is to resolve to take control of your own life. Recognize that with independence come confidence and a sense of well-being. You need that.
Thank you. I rarely text him but I understand where you are coming from. If I was with a man who I was wanting to know, I would really dislike him talking to another woman. I am cutting ties because I don't want to be a problem for them.
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