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You can be friends with an ex after two years or when you have found someone else and are in another committed relationship.
Trying to be friends right after a breakup is simply another way to stay in denial and delay the separation. It's also a way for a man to assure himself a continued source of sex -- heaven forbid that disappears! And for women, being friends after a breakup keeps her "bonded" to her ex. As long as she is still bonded, it's very difficult for her to open her heart and mind to someone else.
After a breakup, the best thing, for a woman especially, is just stop seeing the guy cold turkey. No phone calls or visits or anything like that. In the long run, it ends up being much less painful and speeds the healing process. Just tell him, "We can be friends once I marry someone else."
I wouldn't want to be friends with an ex.
When it's over, it's over.
songinthewind,
It's not healthy to have strong and fast rules that you apply to everything. Life is never that cut and dry. What if you and your ex had a child together? It's never over in that case.
And what about the history you shared together? I have an ex-boyfriend from college. We still exchange emails and last week he sent me a picture of his brand new baby girl. We are not close friends by any stretch, but he remembers some of the same old people that I do, and we can laugh about things that happened 25 years ago. I need my old friends because they hold parts of my history and help me remember who I was...
I wouldn't want to be friends with an ex.
When it's over, it's over.
I agree--unless you have a child with that person. Otherwise, I don't see how being friends with an ex can be anything but bad news. When you're in a committed relationship or married, how can you be friends with someone who you once had feelings for, and/or had sex with? I don't see how that's possible when you're in a new relationship. It doesn't seem fair to your partner.
Personally, I have never had any further contact with any exes, and I have no interest either. My husband feels the same way. I don't think it's healthy to have any sort of friendship with an ex, unless, of course, you've had kids together. There are plenty of other people out there to be friends with--people who won't cause any potential upsets in your current relationship.
I think it depends on your personalities, and whether or not you two still have feelings for each other.
I have a close relationship with an ex, who was the ex. I was crazy about him, but that was years ago. I do go on group outings with another ex.
When I get over somebody, I am really over them. I am not attracted to them emotionally (as a boyfriend) or physically. So I have affection for him as a friend, but I couldn't care less who he dates.
If one person or both still have feelings for the other, then that's obviously not going to work. If both of you are over each other, and are not jealous seeing each other with somebody else, I don't see why not, but just because two people break up doesn't mean they should stay friends. I only talk to people who I feel I have a true friendship with.
My son's father and I were very close growing up together, he was always there for me...we married when I was 17...he was 4 years older...I thought I loved him...and did, but as a brother, no more...after we divorced, we were good friends and had a really good working relationship which was so good and healthy for my son. He even came to dinner now and then, when I remarried...my husband really liked him. But then he married a very controlling woman, who was so needy, and demanding...my husband warned me and I didn't believe him...he said, we are going to loss so and so as a friend...and I said, why? And he said, b/c she is very jealous and I said, no, he won't...and he said, yup he will and there will be a lot of other problems as well...
and he was soooooo right...awful and very sad and yanno who suffered the most? My son...none of us, but him...very very sad...and I refused to play tug of war, so I gave up most of the time and just gave in...
It wasn't about me, but more importantly, about my son's welfare.
and I loved him, like a brother, and if he'd have married a secure woman, we all would have been friends. matter of fact, he was dating this marvelous friend, who I would have been proud to have as a step mother to my son...you see, the nice thing about it is...now, he had four people to help him develop instead of just two...which can be a very healthy situation if people would just stop trying to be so controlling and jealous.
Not if someone was really hurt in the break-up (or if it was one-sided and/or extremely emotional). If there was just no chemistry so you moved on or something like that, then I don't really see why not.
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Yes, Indeed
