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My family moved sudden from out west to the east coast when I was 15 years old because we lived in a bad neighborhood. I had huge childhood crush on a close friend, we'll call Jennifer, because we went thru so much stuff growing up in that town. Without Facebook, cell phones or email back in the day I lost touch with all my friends back home, including Jennifer. I thought about her a lot through the years all up into college. Then I found a wonderful person in college who I ended up marrying. Then less than a year before my wedding day, Jennifer finds me on Facebook. It was crazy, hadn't seen each other in over 10+ years. Jennifer invited herself & her boyriend to the wedding because she had never been out east before, so of course I let her. We caught up before my wedding day - out at bars and clubs with my group of friends. She never knew I had feelings for her but after catching up that night, I told her that I had biggest crush on her. Old feelings I guess were coming back for the both of us but we both agreed that there was nothing we could do now, and we have no idea what would have happened if I were still in my home city. Furthest thing we did was just hug each other very tight, last day before she left she cried in my arms. By the end of the weekend before she left we just accepted that I was already married and nothing could be done - she respected my wife, me and herself to not do anything; and I respected her more for that too.
Just recently I divorced my wife because she cheated on me. Probably one of the worst stories of cheating (or at least I felt that way) - that's another thread in it self. I was trying to be this "perfect guy" in her head and never could be. It was constant fighting (even on our wedding day) & all the years before and after. I knew that we both loved each other but I was willing to try for the rest of my life to be this "guy" she wanted. She ended up cheating on me who she was more attracted to, so I divorced her. Now she understands how much I loved her & that she wouldn't find anyone else who would love her the same, and has begged me to come back to her, but I know that's not what I deserve.
I don't know if Jennifer knows but it's Facebook official. I know that I'm not ready for a serious relationship anytime soon, but I want to open communication with her and possibly starting something in the future. We havent really talked since my wedding, which was last year so I don't even know if she still feels the same, or if it was just the catching up and being in bad relationship with our partners that made us feel we had something that weekend. I know that I still think about Jennifer, but although I will never get over my ex-wife cheating on me, I have to learn to live with it and not carry it on to the next relationship, and be confident in who am I before moving on.
What should I say, or start up a conversation with Jennifer? Facebook/text/call? What would you say exactly, should I tell her what happened exactly? It's difficult because I know she is a type of girl I could possibly have a long term relationship with, but I don't know how to approach this... Have any of you been on either side?
There is a relatively new thread on here, which pretty much mimics what you are describing in your OP. Many of the same responses you are going to get are on there. The same can be said with a death of a spouse or the death of a relationship or divorce.
There is a relatively new thread on here, which pretty much mimics what you are describing in your OP. Many of the same responses you are going to get are on there. The same can be said with a death of a spouse or the death of a relationship or divorce.
Thanks those were good reads, this is my first thread and day to the site. What would you suggest for me? I want to open up communication again but I don't know how to approach it or what to say/tell her.
Thanks those were good reads, this is my first thread and day to the site. What would you suggest for me? I want to open up communication again but I don't know how to approach it or what to say/tell her.
I don't think I could provide you with any new information which wasn't already in those threads. Just to be upfront about it, not necessarily direct.
You could find an opening in the conversation where you bring up your divorce and just casually say, or post, or email to her and state it's just too soon for you to move on into another relationship. It's not directed at her then, it's just a general state of being.
If you don't want history repeat itself with Jennifer or anyone else, you have to come up with a more accurate story to replace the "she cheated on me" one.
If you don't want history repeat itself with Jennifer or anyone else, you have to come up with a more accurate story to replace the "she cheated on me" one.
I agree.
Keep this about you and not about her. No one wants a 'bitter' divorced person of either sex. No sad sack stories or crying on her shoulder. YOU are simply not ready because of YOUR feelings on the matter not the actual act of what happened...hope that makes sense.
Keep this about you and not about her. No one wants a 'bitter' divorced person of either sex. No sad sack stories or crying on her shoulder. YOU are simply not ready because of YOUR feelings on the matter not the actual act of what happened...hope that makes sense.
This makes a lot of sense. And i've been told to just be the "positive, happy" guy when I'm with her like when we first caught up. I def don't want to go thru someone cheating on me again. My story for the year is to just become a better me, so I've been doing things I enjoy doing (and also what I couldn't do before) and traveling. But part of what makes me happy is spending time with Jen. There's a comfort and feeling that's nice when someone you grew up with (gf or just friends) that I enjoy. If yall know what I mean.. don't know how to start conversation, or if she's even remotely interested in anything between us.
This makes a lot of sense. And i've been told to just be the "positive, happy" guy when I'm with her like when we first caught up. I def don't want to go thru someone cheating on me again. Would yall suggest just saying hi or what's up?
Sure, no problem, as long as you take into account the things posted here and not provide every bloody detail of your divorce. If she asks what you've been up to or that she read you were divorced that's a perfect lead-in to a one sentence wrap up of, "Yeah, I am, but it's too soon for me to get involved, even date, at this point..."
Sure, no problem, as long as you take into account the things posted here and not provide every bloody detail of your divorce. If she asks what you've been up to or that she read you were divorced that's a perfect lead-in to a one sentence wrap up of, "Yeah, I am, but it's too soon for me to get involved, even date, at this point..."
that's good. guess that's where i can mention doing me for now too.
that's good. guess that's where i can mention doing me for now too.
"Just taking time to regroup is all, what have you been up to?"
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