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You're entirely too worried about the things you don't need to be worried about.
How are you going to look like a scum bag for being rejected? Why would you even care if someone thought you were for that idiotic reason? How else are you going to find someone to mesh with if you stop after the first rejection, thinking that women are going to "catch on" to you browsing through the flock. That's how it is. You can't just try talking to one girl, get rejected and leave. Try another.
If you think dancing is interesting, why not take dance classes? Embarrassed? Protip: Everyone there wants to learn to dance. Hell, you may find a hottie there that you'll practice dancing with.
I'm just looking for suggestions on things I can do to meet women.
I'm sure this is hard to believe but I really do not encounter many women if I'm just going from class to class and focusing on school. There can be entire days where there isn't a real opportunity to talk to a woman I don't already know. I've realized that I just need to go out of my way to meet women because I'm not going to just bump into them.
This is trouble for me, and another thing to compound this issue is because I have an introverted, don't talk to people unless they seem open type of mentality, I have to force myself to be social. Therefore, those who say to not worry about finding a girl, love, they will find you, isn't good advice, as given my personality and situation, I have to be assertive and proactive, which almost guarantees I'll get nervous and overthink the situation. Is it the same with you?
All it takes is one or two. Why wouldn't you join a club devoted to something you find interesting?
No, people generally don't see through that, people do it all the time. And more often than not, they learn something in the process. But you don't need to fake it, since there are at leastr a couple of clubs with a lot of women that you do find interesting....?
Why wouldn't you go to a dance club where you could learn how to dance, since you do think it would be fun to know how to dance? Why wouldn't you decide to do it on your own? What are you waiting for, mom to tell you to do it? Big brother to go with you? Do you realize you're not making sense? And you're afraid to approach women at the library or other venues (coffeeshops, etc.)? So....you're saying there's no solution to your problem? You're rejecting all practical suggestions?
This REALLY is starting to sound like Brahmabull, but it couldn't be. He's through with college.
....naahh, couldn't be.
I'm not rejecting the idea of picking up women in public and I'm certainly not afraid. I want to know how to approch women in public because I have no idea what I'm doing. I could just go try it but I am seriously so bad at it I don't want screw it up so bad I get kicked out of the library or scare away other women.
As far as dance is concerned I was saying it would be fun if I magically knew how to dance. By saying I wouldn't do it on my own I'm saying I don't think the benefit of being able to dance is worth the amount of effort it takes. Last year I actually did a bit of a search for clubs I could join that have women and most of the ones that had a fair amount of women were not my kind of thing or required too much commitment and didn't want me just showing up for a couple meetings. I will admit there are a couple options that I could try and have been meaning to get around to but I'm not counting on it. I feel I would need to try more than a few clubs to find a single attractive woman who is interested in me and has a pleasant personality, that's like 1/100.
This is trouble for me, and another thing to compound this issue is because I have an introverted, don't talk to people unless they seem open type of mentality, I have to force myself to be social. Therefore, those who say to not worry about finding a girl, love, they will find you, isn't good advice, as given my personality and situation, I have to be assertive and proactive, which almost guarantees I'll get nervous and overthink the situation. Is it the same with you?
I have a problem finding women unless I'm proactive about it and when I do find them I have no idea what to do. I feel as though I just have no idea how it interact with them. I do not end up getting nervous and over think it, I probably don't think about it enough to be honest, I might walk over to a girl and awkwardly stand there with nothing to say.
I pretty much have this massive issue where I know how to be social with guys like me. I have no idea how to talk to normal people and not be awkward.
I'm not rejecting the idea of picking up women in public and I'm certainly not afraid. I want to know how to approch women in public because I have no idea what I'm doing. I could just go try it but I am seriously so bad at it I don't want screw it up so bad I get kicked out of the library or scare away other women.
I will admit there are a couple options that I could try and have been meaning to get around to but I'm not counting on it. I feel I would need to try more than a few clubs to find a single attractive woman who is interested in me and has a pleasant personality, that's like 1/100.
You're right, you'd probably have to try more than one or two clubs. Or at least, stick with the one or two long enough to see members come and go, new faces show up, etc. But the more you spread yourself around, trying different venues, the greater your chances of success. No one ever met a potential bf/gf by staying home, or just going from class to class, without socializing in some way.
Well, one thing to keep in mind about approaching women in public is that it shouldn't loom in your mind like a big deal, the BIG APPROACH. Just chat casually with people, like you're passing the time. If you make that part of your regular routine, eventually one/some of those chats will turn into a convo, and if the woman seems interested, could get you a number or email address. Like burglar said (here or on the other thread about a college guy who can't approach women), he talks to women just for the pleasure of chatting with women, he doesn't have a goal in mind. Not at first. Take the pressure off yourself, and don't have any expectations going in. But pay attention to cues, facial expression, body language, her response.
You're entirely too worried about the things you don't need to be worried about.
How are you going to look like a scum bag for being rejected? Why would you even care if someone thought you were for that idiotic reason? How else are you going to find someone to mesh with if you stop after the first rejection, thinking that women are going to "catch on" to you browsing through the flock. That's how it is. You can't just try talking to one girl, get rejected and leave. Try another.
If you think dancing is interesting, why not take dance classes? Embarrassed? Protip: Everyone there wants to learn to dance. Hell, you may find a hottie there that you'll practice dancing with.
I'm not discounting what you're saying I just want to make this point. If I walked into doctor's office where everyone has nothing to do and I systematically hit on all the good looking women I'd be labeled a creep and even the women I may have had a chance with are now going to reject me. I don't blame them either. It looks desperate and creepy. That's an extreme example but that's the kind of effect I'd be worried about. I'd think that at some point women might catch on to the fact I'm floating around to room and trying to talk to all the women. That's not really too relevant anyway, I just wanted to say there is probably a limited number of times I can hit on women in the same area with the same group of people. Again not super important because I probably wouldn't approch that point.
As far as the dance classes go I think it would be fun if I could dance. The idea becomes less fun when I realize how much work it is to learn. I'd rather do something else and I have a few other options I'm just not super hopeful.
Find a job on campus, the school newspaper and other paid jobs on campus put you in a position of seeing someone in a more conversational environment outside of the classroom, you see them regularly and you've weeded out the drunkards from the bar on the corner.
Even if the job is unpaid, it's one more for your resume and for experience. Consider it a 'class' you don't have to pay for.
I once had a friend who was in your shoes. He'd muster up as much courage as he possibly could, walk over to a girl, look them straight in the eye and say "I have a problem. I have a hard time coming up with the right things to say when starting a conversation with a woman. I'm trying to fix this... So, what is your name?" Then he'd smile. This helped him to gain confidence and learn that women really don't bite. Don't be afraid to be honest and vulnerable. If anything, she'll think you're charming and will be flattered.
I once had a friend who was in your shoes. He'd muster up as much courage as he possibly could, walk over to a girl, look them straight in the eye and say "I have a problem. I have a hard time coming up with the right things to say when starting a conversation with a woman. I'm trying to fix this... So, what is your name?" Then he'd smile. This helped him to gain confidence and learn that women really don't bite. Don't be afraid to be honest and vulnerable. If anything, she'll think you're charming and will be flattered.
Like I said its not a lack of courage. I just got out of a class this morning and I made eye contact with a chick in a hall and all I could do was smile. She wasn't that great looking and I probably wouldn't really be intrrested but in the spirit of talking to more women I'd like to have said something. I just have no idea what I'm supposed to say. So you think if I just say something incredibly awkward that's fine? I've always figured that if I don't have something good to say I might as well not bother.
I would say your first goal should be to stop thinking of "women" as a single, foreign entity.
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Why wouldn't you decide to do it on your own? What are you waiting for, mom to tell you to do it? Big brother to go with you? Do you realize you're not making sense? And you're afraid to approach women at the library or other venues (coffeeshops, etc.)? So....you're saying there's no solution to your problem? You're rejecting all practical suggestions?
