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If two people begin a relationship when one person is depressed or hurting, it sets up an unhealthy unbalance where one party is needy and the other is the caretaker. When things shift, and they always do, the needy partner will want to assert his/her independence which can jolt the dynamics.
I write this for two reasons... been there. It was my first relationship, a million years ago, and I found that my partner was less than pleased with any enlightenment on my part and he was constantly trying to keep me needy. It lasted a year and I got out. I went on to enjoy a 43+ year healthy and balanced relationship. Now I see my son in such a relationship. He was divorced, depressed and emotionally broken when along came his savior. We were all so happy for him. Flash ahead three years later and she's constantly stirring the pot, ripping off the band-aids, causing new problems with his ex and his parents, alienating his friends, so that once again he's vulnerable and alone with no one but herself to comfort him and show him the way.
Just sharing and hoping to awaken someone, anyone, to unhealthy dynamics.
I'm sorry you went through that, and now to watch your son, is also painful.
I think what many people do not realize is when you're in a bad place in life, as you say about your son being depressed and emotionally broken, that is the type of person you attract to you. People who are emotionally healthy don't get together with emotionally broken people. It's that whole concept of like attracting like, water seeking its own level.
I had a friend who went through this about 6 years ago, he was in a terrible place after his divorce, and it was evidenced by the women he was meeting and the stories he shared. On two occasions I was able to talk him into backing away from unhealthy dynamics with equally (or more) broken women. I was grateful that he was willing to listen to my advice and realize he was not emotionally strong enough to see it on his own.
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