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What exactly do you people mean by "awkwardness" anyway? A brief lull in the conversation? A silly joke that falls flat? What?
Examples?
For me it was those types of things. Some conversations went well, but when there were lulls, I tended to tighten up. I felt responsible for the lull, which wasn't always brief, and those feelings led to me tightening up more and extended the lull or set up the next one. Occasionally I'd have a panic attack.
Another important factor for me was that I walked into these interactions remembering the last one that went poorly. I had a hard time not feeling like I was the "awkward weird guy". I've learned to accept and tolerate that feeling to some extent, but as a kid and young man that feeling ran rampant.
So I was primed to struggle, then as no surprise I'd stuggle, which confirmed the feelings and set up a cycle that was damned hard to break.
Hit the nail on the head he did. Cycle of struggle.
Don't we all do that a little bit? I mean, unless we're one of those people born with loads of charisma. We have to, or I mean, I had to, find it in myself to learn how to communicate in the right way for me.
I know I'm shy, but I know most everyone is in one way or another, so when I walk into a new or unusual social situation, and I know everyone is looking at me because I'm the new one, I KNOW I'm as red as a beet. Thanks genetics...
I laugh at myself, thinking of all the cartoon characters who turn red and their head explodes. Then I'm smiling because I'm laughing inside.
I also think that everyone there has been the new person once, and probably felt the same way I do right now. So I'm smiling a little and looking at the faces around me-really looking. Sometimes making eye contact for a second...I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to be ashamed of...I know if I get half a chance I'm going to talk to that lady over there who looks so much like my best friend from high school, I wonder if it is her?
Well, to make a long story short-it takes some discipline to get away from wanting to shrink under the microscope feeling, but that isn't really whats happening at all.
All of us human beings aren't THAT different from each other, we naturally curious about each other and if given half a chance, can share experiences and lessons and humor, and great things through our ability to speak.
Don't say anything and stare at one of her shoes. Choose left or right. It's all up to you. On rare occasions, steal a furtive glance at the other shoe. Just to keep her guessing.
It's a great conversation starter when you do this.
Since I am quiet, talkative is better, that way someone gets the ball rolling.
Quiet is okay as long as he does talk a bit, because otherwise we'll just be staring at one another.
My older sister loves quiet guys though. She is talkative & likes an audience, basically.
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