how to deal with hardened woman from the Bronx? (dating, girlfriend, women)
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Although familiar with the hardened types being from NY Mod cut: Please leave race out of it., I have now developed a low tolerance for the "tough NY" attitude that one can expect dealing with the above groups. I suppose its due to living in other parts of the US and around the world- away from NY for a while. Im a bit more calm now can be a hot head when a female pushes my buttons.
I recently connected with a lady from the Bronx NY via FB and have a friend in common. We share similar interests and she manages a couple latin bands. She has been responsive so far with me and we plan on meeting on March 1st for the first time at an event but not as a date- mutual musical interests. Put it this way, it’s obvious in my chats that I am a bit interested as I have sent her good morning emails and compliments. She is not what some would consider a "hoodrat". However, as per her FB posts she has had some issues with men in her past and have dealt with some aggressive NYC bad boy types. She often posts quotes about love, being alone, and even wears a chain that says "trust no man". But she is has been really receptive to my approach and is so gorgeous. She is a mariah Carey look-alike. She hasn’t flirted though.
Since I haven’t dealt with her type in a long time and recently moved to DC closer to NY and will be meeting more of the NY tough types, I am trying to figure out if one showers a hardened females with niceness to counter her negative pasts? (Not to say that hardness is always a result of negative relationships). On the other hand, naturally, I can be agressive, cocky and sarcastic at times without knowing but I don’t want to ruin it and touch a bad nerve with her. It doesn't work too well in DC - IMO.
(I am really not looking for the "be yourself" answers) Its more of how to break down the above described barrier which would then allow me to "be myself".
I know the type... Though not the same, I was once a hardened Italian from Chicago...lol... You need to strike a fine balance between being nice, but not a doormat, and being exciting, witty, challenging and worldly, but not a cocky, a**.
So, be gentlemanly and respectful, ask her a lot about herself, and listen, do not over complement, and do not support disrespectful behavior. e.g. If she says "trust no man, because they are *****, respond that it is too bad she feels that way as all men are not like that, and then change the subject. Do not commiserate like a girlfriend or encourage disrespectful man-bashing behavior. Do not get emotional/aggressive. Keep cool and laid back and slightly mysterious so that she wants to keep trying to figure you out. Your calmness and listening skills can make you a standout from the rest.
I know the type... Though not the same, I was once a hardened Italian from Chicago...lol... You need to strike a fine balance between being nice, but not a doormat, and being exciting, witty, challenging and worldly, but not a cocky, a**.
So, be gentlemanly and respectful, ask her a lot about herself, and listen, do not over complement, and do not support disrespectful behavior. e.g. If she says "trust no man, because they are *****, respond that it is too bad she feels that way as all men are not like that, and then change the subject. Do not commiserate like a girlfriend or encourage disrespectful man-bashing behavior. Do not get emotional/aggressive. Keep cool and laid back and slightly mysterious so that she wants to keep trying to figure you out. Your calmness and listening skills can make you a standout from the rest.
I agree with all of the above. She does sound like someone who who get back what they project. You project a cocky hardened appearance thats what you are going to get.
I know the type... Though not the same, I was once a hardened Italian from Chicago...lol... You need to strike a fine balance between being nice, but not a doormat, and being exciting, witty, challenging and worldly, but not a cocky, a**.
So, be gentlemanly and respectful, ask her a lot about herself, and listen, do not over complement, and do not support disrespectful behavior. e.g. If she says "trust no man, because they are *****, respond that it is too bad she feels that way as all men are not like that, and then change the subject. Do not commiserate like a girlfriend or encourage disrespectful man-bashing behavior. Do not get emotional/aggressive. Keep cool and laid back and slightly mysterious so that she wants to keep trying to figure you out. Your calmness and listening skills can make you a standout from the rest.
I appreciate the full response. Although it all sounds like common practice, sometimes it takes to see I in writing to take it all in. DC and northern Virginia is a bit more laid back so I don't encounter the toughness as often as I have traveling back to nyc recently.
This thread should be moved to the NYC forums. Being born and raised in the Bronx myself I know the kind of the women that the op is talking about. These are the exact that the op is courting that the average guy should avoid in the long-run of things. The average Bronx women of either Italian, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Black, Jamaican, Eastern European or whatever ethnic group that resides their are not easy to deal with. Much of it stems from economics, poor education and dysfunctional family structure such as absentee fathers which is very common in most Bronx households as well as much of NYC as a whole which can plague future dating prospects. Usually women look up to their fathers as an example of what a man should be. Also some of these women in the Bronx and NYC search for attention and recognition which stems from poor parenting, much of this results in picking the wrong guy for relationships, out of wedlock pregnancies, welfare, child support and etc. Usually most women in the Bronx but also in Brooklyn and Northern Manhattan primarily go for badboy and good looking types of guys. IF your a nice guy or decent guy and you live in these parts of NYC you will be screwed out of hte local dating poole. Also if your unattractive or over weight you will have a tough time in NYC, even fat and unattractive women want a good looking man. Also women from the Bronx are highly stuckup and not laidback, much of this has to do with the fast pace nature of the city as well as the compact density of the Bronx and NYC as a whole.
I only been with one woman from the Bronx within the past ten years. Only till very recently I have been getting interest from women from the Bronx, but again these women are ravaged and used up by bad boy types, often in debt and with a ready made family in tow and that's something that I don't want especially as a decent guy trying ot build myself up. Don't get me wrong there are some nice women in the Bronx and in other areas of NYC but that's like a needle in a haystack, and again its not ghetto women that is like this, its mainly regular day to day classy, independent working women that have issues primarily. To be honest the best place to meet women are in more laidback places of this country. If you have the money than try Manhattan or other areas of the city with transient population of women which in my opinion and experience works for me! The only positive thing about a Bronx women is that they don't need a mans money, also wont lead you unless she intends to use you which their is no time for that, but you have to have swag, confidence, bravado, physical chemistry for a woman to like you, being well traveled, a college degree and a 100k in the bank will not suffice with most women in that place. A guy out of jail, an high school dropout, but handsome, sobstory, baseball cap will do just right for many women in that place.
Last edited by Bronxguyanese; 02-01-2014 at 02:47 AM..
I know the type... Though not the same, I was once a hardened Italian from Chicago...lol... You need to strike a fine balance between being nice, but not a doormat, and being exciting, witty, challenging and worldly, but not a cocky, a**.
So, be gentlemanly and respectful, ask her a lot about herself, and listen, do not over complement, and do not support disrespectful behavior. e.g. If she says "trust no man, because they are *****, respond that it is too bad she feels that way as all men are not like that, and then change the subject. Do not commiserate like a girlfriend or encourage disrespectful man-bashing behavior. Do not get emotional/aggressive. Keep cool and laid back and slightly mysterious so that she wants to keep trying to figure you out. Your calmness and listening skills can make you a standout from the rest.
^^ This.
Beyond this, if you find her personality or demeanor a turn off... then there really isn't much to "deal with." I am sure you realize you won't change her personality or demeanor anymore than she will change yours. You will either mesh well... or you won't.
Best of luck!
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IMO.
