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I hope the OP isn't using his "real life name" as his City-Data member name, because if someone he knows reads this thread, and recognizes his name and his family situation, it could then be passed along to a member of his family, which may then get back to his wife.
If this is the case, I recommend the OP have his member name changed.
As for whether he should tell, I don't think telling her is a good idea.
She is dealing with enough on her mind right now. Why add more stress to her life?
I think everyone has missed the REAL REASON behind all this.
He is hoping by telling his wife, she will break the news to his older children so he doesn't have to. And he is hoping she will take the high road and tell them to be kind to Dear Old Dad and open their hearts to their half-siblings. He figures if they hear it from Mom on her deathbed, they will be more apt to be kind about the whole debacle because "Mom asked us to be forgiving and kind."
OP is simply trying to figure out how to introduce his children into his family circle once mom is gone. And for all we know -- his Baby Momma, as well.
What a piece of work . . .
This is the stuff of movies, lol.
Baby Mommas--plural..."I have two "illegitimate" sons aged 12 and 16 from women I had affairs with"
Maybe he'll invite them to the wake and all the kids can finally meet. I wonder if the other women know about each other.
My wife and I have been married for 36 years. We have two sons aged 35 and 32 and two small grandsons.
My wife is terminally ill with metastic breast cancer. She's confined to a bed and goes through bouts of consciouness and long periods when she's deeply asleep.
I have two "illegitimate" sons aged 12 and 16 from women I had affairs with. Absolutely nobody knows about them. I always had an higher income than my wife thought so I could send that extra money to send to the boys. I've always visited them once in a while but I'm far from being a good father taking the circumstances into account.
However, I'm afraid that if I'm not completely honest with her now, I'll regret it terribly when she passes away. She has always been so good to me and I was a pretty low-life to her several times.
I'm afraid of doing so in her condition so I don't know what to do.
I know it's strange to turn to the Internet over such a delicate issue but like I said, no one knows about this and sometimes it's good to have anonymous input.
P.S. I say "illegitimate" because to me there's no such thing as illegitimate children.
Seriously? Look, I know you're trying to do the right thing here, but the higher responsibility you have is to let your wife die in peace.
I hate to be harsh here, for I can't imagine the pain of losing a spouse. But this is not really a sincere attempt to unburden your soul and face the consequences, for she will be dead. There will be no divorce, no time for recriminations, no anything. Instead, you will send her to the grave with emotional pain that's as severe as anything she's suffering from physically. It is ultimately a self-centered act on your part.
What a cruel thing that would be for you to do. Go confess to someone else.
Yeah, but I know a situation where that did indeed happen.
My wife's grandmother had a married couple as next door neighbors. They were childless, so it was as if they were part of the family. The Burnses were at all the family functions. Then Mrs. Burns died and Mr. Burns died a year or so afterwards. When he died, it came to light that he had three kids with his secretary and nobody ever knew. Evidently she was content to raise the kids without being married to him and Mrs. Burns was evidently none the wiser. It takes a lot to surprise me, but you could have knocked me over with a feather on this score. It's the quiet types, you know.
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