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Old 01-18-2014, 07:24 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,688 posts, read 22,154,607 times
Reputation: 15166

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I read someplace that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Not in my experience. We coasted right through the first two without even noticing. Now, year three has been a challenge.

It probably varies with the couple, but at what point in your relationship did you find that you had to roll up your sleeves and come to terms that you and your partner had used up the lovey-dovey?

In our case, we have at least a half a dozen things going on, from house remodeling to change of employment, to physical health issues and a change of address. We're doing okay, but holy cow!
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Old 01-18-2014, 07:31 AM
 
3,397 posts, read 3,412,663 times
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Those are all huge stress issues, but BOTH of you have to be determined not to let them interfere with your relationship.

Those issues are not the priority - your love is.

Anything can be worked out IF two people can/will communicate.
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Old 01-18-2014, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 23,121,093 times
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I'll let you know when that happens! We've been married for 8 years!
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Old 01-18-2014, 07:39 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,366,312 times
Reputation: 11673
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I read someplace that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Not in my experience. We coasted right through the first two without even noticing. Now, year three has been a challenge.

It probably varies with the couple, but at what point in your relationship did you find that you had to roll up your sleeves and come to terms that you and your partner had used up the lovey-dovey?

In our case, we have at least a half a dozen things going on, from house remodeling to change of employment, to physical health issues and a change of address. We're doing okay, but holy cow!
We have gone through all of that stuff and are still very much in love!

Last April we started a DIY kitchen remodel, in May my wife got a new job, in July we went to the ER when she had terrible side pains (turned out to be cysts), she has battled that problem on and off since, late July she was terminated from her new job (mind you were were still doing kitchen remodel through all of this). She went on unemployment. Got another new job which began September. Our daughter started pre-school at that time. We finished the kitchen. In November we remodelled the bathroom. Since Christmas is the first time we have had weekends where there was really "nothing to do" or any crisis to manage.

Although some of that was very stressful and trying, the key is to work as a team through it, support each other, build each other up, and move forward! Don't let the little things become big things, and just roll with the punches!
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Old 01-18-2014, 07:40 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,688 posts, read 22,154,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
Those are all huge stress issues, but BOTH of you have to be determined not to let them interfere with your relationship.

Those issues are not the priority - your love is.

Anything can be worked out IF two people can/will communicate.
LOL, no kidding. We do have to regroup, from time to time, and more or less reaffirm our commitment. We're about 25% of the way into some major transitions and my head is spinning. Dunno if it's my age or if it's a perfect storm, but I'm not feeling anywhere as resilient as in the past.
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Old 01-18-2014, 07:46 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,366,312 times
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Ellie, your welcome (reply to your rep comment).

I don't want to sugar coat it. Some of this was very stressful and difficult to navigate for us individually and as a couple. That is where the "work" of marriage comes in. To reset ourselves, step back, work together, build each other up, etc.

You will be ok! Whenever it seems overwhelming, remind yourself what is really important, and what is secondary, and make sure the really important stuff is taken care of!
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Old 01-18-2014, 08:11 AM
 
9,410 posts, read 12,784,101 times
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We've been together almost 9 years, still waiting for the shine to wear off
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Old 01-18-2014, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,947 posts, read 15,032,529 times
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I've read it's around the seventh year; hence the term 7 year itch.
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Old 01-18-2014, 08:13 AM
 
9,410 posts, read 12,784,101 times
Reputation: 20277
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I read someplace that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Not in my experience. We coasted right through the first two without even noticing. Now, year three has been a challenge.

It probably varies with the couple, but at what point in your relationship did you find that you had to roll up your sleeves and come to terms that you and your partner had used up the lovey-dovey?

In our case, we have at least a half a dozen things going on, from house remodeling to change of employment, to physical health issues and a change of address. We're doing okay, but holy cow!
The shine ebbs and flows. It will never be there all day every day year after year. The trials and tribulations of a long term relationship either make it stronger or break it down. Hang in there, the shine will come back.
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Old 01-18-2014, 08:22 AM
 
Location: If I tell you, will you visit?
888 posts, read 1,007,370 times
Reputation: 981
I think it varies for each couple. It really depends on the ability to communicate about the issues that might arise and how, together, as a team, you can work through them. In both of my marriages, when things seemed to rise to that unstable peak, I would try to promote the fact that if we can work through this now, in another year, it will all be behind us.

It sounds like you two are dealing with some of the more common "biggest" challenges for a fresh marriage, job change, health issues, moving, the only other thing I can think of would be adjusting to a baby. Be patient with each other. Be patient with yourselves. Soon you will be able to look back and say, "Wow, look how strong we are as a couple after getting through all that!"

Good luck and good communication to you and your husband OP
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