Husband's ex girlfriend (woman, cancer, mature, feelings)
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My husband already knows my feelings regarding his female friends behavior. He has taken steps to prevent more problems. Yet some of his female friends "do not want to or just do not get" the message he is sending to them *meaning his ex girlfriend*
At that point what do you do?
He told me that he wants to show his ex girlfriend what it means to be a Christian and treat her the way that Jesus would treat her.
There is one thread that does not belong in this post... the married pastor and other church member had the hots for a divorced female member. My husband is not a pastor.
Do you have it in your heart to respond to her? I think he should direct all messages to you and have you show her the love of a Christian who has Jesus. This will quickly reveal her motives, the love of Jesus doesn't have to come from your husband.
Do you have it in your heart to respond to her? I think he should direct all messages to you and have you show her the love of a Christian who has Jesus. This will quickly reveal her motives, the love of Jesus doesn't have to come from your husband.
My husband already knows my feelings regarding his female friends behavior. He has taken steps to prevent more problems. Yet some of his female friends "do not want to or just do not get" the message he is sending to them *meaning his ex girlfriend*
At that point what do you do?
He told me that he wants to show his ex girlfriend what it means to be a Christian and treat her the way that Jesus would treat her.
There is one thread that does not belong in this post... the married pastor and other church member had the hots for a divorced female member. My husband is not a pastor.
This is not about "showing her the love of Jesus" -- It is about avoiding 'one-on-one, cross-gender counseling with an ex-girlfriend who is on the 'rebound' ... by a man who is not a pastor --- and hoping that she doesn't interpret his kindness as something other than 'Christianity in action.'
Almost any pastor can/will tell you that this is a recipe for trouble and should be unconditionally avoided. There are many female pastors and trained counselors who are better equipped to minister to this woman than your husband.
... Remember the old saying, "You may not be able to keep the birds from flying overhead, but, you can sure stop them from building a nest in your hair." -- A scriptural version of the same thing can be found in Proverbs 6:27 - "Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned?"
My husband spoke to the friend of his whom she was dating. He told him that she should not be texting my husband about her relationship breakup or about any relationship advice. Her relationship breakups or relationship problems should be of no concern to him. He let me know this, and that she should go to a female instead. He asked me to text her that.
She is also needy, which is a problem. He and I spoke to the guy whom she was dating about 1) her neediness, 2) her lack of boundaries, 3) her causing drama and so on. His response was this....
As for her lack of boundaries, there was a time when he needed space from her due to her neediness, and so he asked her to stop texting him for a while. She did not stop texting him. She continued texting him for two months before she stopped. Her own mother asked her to stop texting another friend of hers because she had the same problem that my husband's friend had regarding her neediness, & she had asked her mom to tell her daughter to stop texting her so much. She would not listen to her own mother. She continued to text the other friend.
As for her neediness... She has always been like that. She does not want to change. She will not change.
She has a mind of her own. She does what she wants to do when she wants to do it regardless of how anyone else feels.
My husband spoke to the friend of his whom she was dating. He told him that she should not be texting my husband about her relationship breakup or about any relationship advice. Her relationship breakups or relationship problems should be of no concern to him. He let me know this, and that she should go to a female instead. He asked me to text her that.
She is also needy, which is a problem. He and I spoke to the guy whom she was dating about 1) her neediness, 2) her lack of boundaries, 3) her causing drama and so on. His response was this....
As for her lack of boundaries, there was a time when he needed space from her due to her neediness, and so he asked her to stop texting him for a while. She did not stop texting him. She continued texting him for two months before she stopped. Her own mother asked her to stop texting another friend of hers because she had the same problem that my husband's friend had regarding her neediness, & she had asked her mom to tell her daughter to stop texting her so much. She would not listen to her own mother. She continued to text the other friend.
As for her neediness... She has always been like that. She does not want to change. She will not change.
She has a mind of her own. She does what she wants to do when she wants to do it regardless of how anyone else feels.
Her behavior causes drama for others.
She still wants to be friends with my husband.
Can your husband block her messages? One of my college roomies called clingy women Saran, and needy women Pillsbury Doughgirls.
All the same needy girl? Different women? Then it's HIS pattern that allows all these women to feel free to lean on his shoulder.
Your husband asked you to text her?!! What?
Either 1) you pushed him to say you should, or 2) There's your problem, he can't establish his own parameters
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The problem/issue here is your husband, not the other woman. He is the one who can take steps to end/discourage this contact. He may not want to for various reasons (the cancer card makes it tougher, I know) but that's on him.
Personally, I think he's been giving her too much of a long-winded answer as it is, but the best way to get the contact to stop is to simply ignore her. Every. Single. Time. Not even a short answer. Not a supportive one. Not a "Christian" one. If he answers, even once, he will teach her to try harder. Ignoring her is the only way to get her to stop.
There are a number of threads on this subject, the recent one's title, which is directly applicable to your circumstances. escapes me but here is a similar one.
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