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There is no such thing as perfect relationship. I think wondering if the grass is greener because one is curious is fairly normal but it can lead one down a wrong path very quickly. If a person wonders if the grass is greener, because they think they can do better, chances are their current relationship is bound to fail, because of all their destructive thoughts and behavior such stance would bring about. Modern worlds narcissism, entitlement and overgrown egos often have a person believe they deserve nothing but the best, while in reality they deserve what they get.
It's not about finding something 'better' though, it's just about the idea of other women in general. It's tough because I don't think he's thought much past that general thought, ie- leaving what he has behind. I know him very well and I just feel it is something he would regret. And yes you are right when you say there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, not even close. I guess what I meant to say was one that can't get much better, in our own little way.
Do any men have any opinions on this topic? Married men, men in committed relationships?
If he told you he never thought about other women at all then he would be lying. It is not wrong to find other people attractive, nor do I find it wrong to wonder "what if I'd been with her instead of my girlfriend now?"
What matters is how he chooses to act upon those passing thoughts. If that's all they are - thoughts - then who cares? I wouldn't even ask about it. I don't want to know what my boyfriend thinks all the time. But if he does act on them, that's where the problem really begins.
To me there's a difference in "I think that girl is attractive" and "I'm attracted to her" The former is completely harmless and non-threatening to a girl that I might be in a relationship with. The latter might indicate there's a problem.
We're 24, we will have been dating 6 years next month. I mentioned earlier we started dating young, and have only been in one serious relationship, both with each other. It is difficult to convey everything about our relationship on here, but everything is wonderful. Couldn't be better, actually. I must mention that he has brought this very thing up before in the past, but it passed and our relationship had never been better, much stronger. I have read before other men, even women, have these thoughts but they simply pass and it is just a phase. He feels it is not fair to me that he has these thoughts but at the same time, everything is going great. So it is very conflicting.
Damn, I really want to tell you how much better developed a person you'll become by breaking camp from a relationship you started as a teenager. There's some people, albeit very rare, that just seems to work for and if you're happy, then roll with it and don't sweat little things like "does he find other girls attractive".
That in itself isn't a problem, but just don't end up one of those young couples that stays together way past when the relatinship has run its course, because you both don't know anything else and are intimidated by the unknown. Good luck!
Look, some people get lucky and find a lifelong relationship with the first person they start dating. It's rare, but it happens.
If he wants to sow some wild oats, well, he needs to own that. Seems like he's waffling and trying to put it on you with the "it's not fair to you" part. He needs to figure out what he wants. Everyone's gonna have other attractions. Because you're only 24 and have been together so long, he may be not feeling the butterflies anymore and assuming that means there's something gone from the relationship. Who knows?
My suggestion? Both of you should read up on healthy relationships and assess the situation. Maybe bring in a counselor if you're really committed to making the relationship work - you've been together for longer than many marriages, after all.
Thank you all for your feedback and replies. Truly, I believe it depends on each particular couples situation and how this would effect them and their relationship. I myself, believe these thoughts are natural. Humans beings are curious by habit. Men, especially. That is just scientifically true. I was just curious if any other men experienced these thoughts that my boyfriend was, or if there were any women whose SO had the same feelings.
I'm 44 , happily married and can't even dream about being single again but I still will look at an attractive woman.. it's natural. There is a difference between looking and learing like a creeper though.
The female body is like an art form, what's not to love about it.
I'm 44 , happily married and can't even dream about being single again but I still will look at an attractive woman.. it's natural. There is a difference between looking and learing like a creeper though.
The female body is like an art form, what's not to love about it.
Luckily, that's not the issue at hand. He would never disrespect me in that way. It's just women in passing, and thinking that she is attractive. He feels as if it's wrong to think that while in a happy, committed relationship and is unsure if it's normal to have those thoughts.
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