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I have a general question to people here who have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse (or those who can relate to their ex-relationships).
How often do you have conficts of opinion or little controversies with your SO? I'm not talking about big fights or so, more like every day stuff, for example who cleans the dishes, why do we have to visit his parents again, why is she so rude to me today etc. I wouldn't even call it fights, more like small 'tiffs' where maybe one or both get a bit pissed, both argue a bit about it in a normal tone and just a bit later the problem is solved and everything is okay again. Nobody is raising his voice or something like this and it's just not a big deal.
I'm just asking out of interest. My SO and I have this kind of 'argument' every couple of days, I don't know if that's a lot for some.
I wouldn't be able to quantify it, as I do not keep score on how many times we have a small, minor difference of opinion or just an "off" day.
We are individuals who are married, we know we will never see perfectly eye to eye on every little nuance in life, and we don't let those little things become big things by resolving them and moving on.
Maybe once a month. I don't think we've had one since before Christmas. There was a time when it was happening more often, maybe once a week or every few days but that was because we were under a lot stress and so tensions were high. We weren't "taking it out on each other" but when you're stressed out, you're quicker to snap or get irritated.
I think if you're having little tiffs every couple days, you should maybe both sit down together and on your own and consider what might be causing it. Outside influences? Maybe you need to get away from it and spend more quality time together. Or maybe you're just in each other's pockets too much and need to spend a little time apart (by that I mean spend time with friends or family separately, not take a break from the relationship -in my experience going "on a break" never works out).
I wouldn't be able to quantify it, as I do not keep score on how many times we have a small, minor difference of opinion or just an "off" day.
We are individuals who are married, we know we will never see perfectly eye to eye on every little nuance in life, and we don't let those little things become big things by resolving them and moving on.
Same here. I have no idea. I don't give it a second thought.
We don't really argue very often at all. We have pretty compatible opinions on most things, and when they diverge, we're pretty good about either compromising or conceding to one another without a ton of drama.
For minor irritations and annoyances, neither of us is likely to start an argument about it...we'll either be as direct as possible about any complaint we have, or decide it's not really worth even bringing up if it's just a little, nothing annoyance, and get over it. We're both pretty flexible, and little differences of opinion do not an argument make, really.
We don't have tense exchanges that often, but most of our tense exchanges are a matter of "Hey, that thing you did or said hurt my feelings, and here's why, " and working it out from there.
We're both pretty direct (and respectful) communicators, which helps circumvent arguments with heightened emotion the majority of the time.
If we were arguing a lot, I'd want to sit down and figure out what the breakdown was. Seriously divergent expectations? Expectations not clearly communicated? Not feeling listened to? And the address it.
after 20 yeas together, we always disagree about something. The problem most folks have is they latch on to the differences of opinion and make a big deal out of nothing. We learned long ago that most times it is better to agree to disagree and work out a compromise.
Having disagreements is not rare, but to have a "tiff" every few days seems like a lot to me. I would understand if it happened in a single week due to stress/tiredness. But if it's all the time, that indicates deeper issues that need to be worked out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gvillesux
The problem most folks have is they latch on to the differences of opinion and make a big deal out of nothing. We learned long ago that most times it is better to agree to disagree and work out a compromise.
I tend to generally ask myself in life (not just with a partner), "Is this really worth making a fuss about?" Most of the time, it's not.
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