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Old 01-22-2014, 11:52 AM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,608,046 times
Reputation: 4112

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Maybe you could ask him a lot of specific questions about this relationship, such as, "When did she say she was going to leave her husband? Where is she going to live during the divorce process?" Then perhaps he will realize on his own that she hasn't given any thought to those questions and isn't serious. If someone was serious about leaving their spouse, those would all be answerable.
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Ireland
93 posts, read 158,665 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by John13 View Post
So he has no problem with lying / dishonesty?

Does he have a conscience? Did you ask him that?
He is usually a very honest guy but he said that he will do anything just to be with her. He is well aware that he is doing wrong and it gets to him at times but this woman has really had an effect on him.
He did ask her if she would leave the marriage and be with him because he would make her happy. Her reply was that she felt that my friend was pressurising her and rushing her.
She is also playing mind games. One minute she dosen't love her husband the next minute she does.
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
11,319 posts, read 9,201,867 times
Reputation: 52439
Quote:
Originally Posted by aoibhd84 View Post
He is usually a very honest guy but he said that he will do anything just to be with her. He is well aware that he is doing wrong and it gets to him at times but this woman has really had an effect on him.
He did ask her if she would leave the marriage and be with him because he would make her happy. Her reply was that she felt that my friend was pressurising her and rushing her.
She is also playing mind games. One minute she dosen't love her husband the next minute she does.
Well, I took a final shot.

Like I said here:
//www.city-data.com/forum/33129938-post4.html

This will not end well for your friend but it's his life...
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:59 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,961,628 times
Reputation: 62660
Quote:
Originally Posted by aoibhd84 View Post
One of my very close friends has got involved with a woman he works with. I was delighted for him when he told me that he has found happiness with this relationship. My friend has battled depression and anxiety on and off for years. This is the first relationship he has been in in about 10 years.
However he admitted to me that she is in fact married. He has really fallen in love with this woman. He is constantly thinking about her and is hoping that she will leave her husband for him. He also told me that the woman is deeply unhappy in her marriage and does not love her husband.
Although it seems to me that she has no intentions to leave her husband and is merely using my friend to get her bit of excitement on the side.
I am extremely frustrated because I just know that my friend is going to end up deeply hurt and I am worried about the consequences when it all ends up in tears. I have tried telling him to quit it and forget about her but to no avail. He is infatuated with her. I have not seen him like this before. He really thinks everything is going to fall into place. How can I help him and is there any way I can make him see the light?
I wouldn't be so concerned but he is or has been mentally fragile and I am afraid of what's going to happen.

You cannot do anything for your friend, he has to make the choice to break it off himself IF and WHEN he sees the truth that she will not be leaving her husband to be with him.

It is unfortunate and the best you can do if you want to is be available when it all comes crashing down and he needs a couple of shoulders to cry on. I suggest extra large bath towels to cover those shoulders for all the tears that will probably be shed by you both.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,755 posts, read 11,941,930 times
Reputation: 30130
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia View Post
Has your friend considered how the husband will react? Maybe he will say good riddance. Maybe he will fight and win her back. Maybe he will go crazy and get violent. It may be more than your friend's feelings that get hurt...

^^^This.

And you're a good friend for being so concerned, but no matter how fragile he is,you can't save him from himself, so while you try to support him, please don't take it on as your burden.

If you do want to say something, ask him how he'd feel if he was in her husband's shoes, having a wife sneaking around with another man, and also ask him how he feels about her moral compass, being able to be so selfish and care so little about how her choices affect others.

Ultimately though, in most cases nothing gets through and they do have to learn the hard way for themselves. You can be supportive, but only to a point. He will learn that his actions have consequences that he may not like, but usually when you choose something like this, you're deluding yourself if you think it will all work out the way you want in the end, and no one will get hurt.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:02 PM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 9,167,825 times
Reputation: 6378
Got to let him learn on his own, but this sounds like the recipe for violence in my opinion.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Ireland
93 posts, read 158,665 times
Reputation: 99
I have supported him at his lowest points in the past, and there were no real reasons for his lows. It was just his illness but now with this situation plus his illness. It's going to really drive him over the edge.
He is extremely intelligent and talented and I feel that he does not deserve to put himself through this. He has a lot going for him and he could easily put himself out there and find someone that he deserves. He also has self esteem issues, unfortunately.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:32 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,578,833 times
Reputation: 5793
Have to agree with most of the posters in this thread, look the dude in the eye, tell him what you think, and let it be. There is nothing you can do for him, he will have to learn on his own. Anything outside of him completely cutting odd all contact with this woman, will end very badly. Best case scenario, he will lose his job and be crushed when she dumps him or cheats on him with the next dude.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Ireland
93 posts, read 158,665 times
Reputation: 99
I guess you are all right. I have done all I can. I just have to sit back and watch the car crash unfold and then pick up the pieces.
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Old 01-22-2014, 12:53 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,213,831 times
Reputation: 37120
^^^Exactly!
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