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I don't need to be someone's damsel in distress. I expect that he treats me as I would treat him, with respect.
So do you see traditional behavior from men, such as opening your door, placing his hand at your lower back to lead you to a table in a restaurant, offering his coat if you are cold, etc., as negatively treating you as though you are weak?
My husband still opens the vehicle door for me often and we have been together 10 years and married 7 years.
I don't expect it but he does it anyway, he also holds open other doors for me and others if they are around.
He stands when a woman comes to our home and greets her and will seat her as well.
If we are meeting others at a restaurant and we get there first he will do the same.
I do not expect him to do these things he just does them and has since I've known him and I have known him for 15 years but we have only been we for 10 years.
Nice nice guy .... I love to see a man stand when a woman enters. Totally unexpected though.
So do you see traditional behavior from men, such as opening your door, placing his hand at your lower back to lead you to a table in a restaurant, offering his coat if you are cold, etc., as negatively treating you as though you are weak?
Common mistake I see lots of women make. Men love the feeling of saving the damsel in distress. That DOES NOT mean he views a woman as "weak" or "helpless". It just means he genuinely cares for his woman. Nor does it mean that she can't be strong and independant. What it does mean is letting the man help you with things, even if they are small things that you can do yourself.
When I was dating my ex bf (that tragically died) I was happy to ask him to change the oil in my car, or change my tire, or move furniture etc. etc. of course I am quite capable of doing all of those myself but I've learned it's important to step back now and then and let him do those things and tell him how much I appreciate him for it. Our relationship was so much better than had I just done it all myself, in which case lots of guys end up feeling as if they are only really good for their paycheck. Sure, some may argue it's an ego thing, but guess what? It's just as much of an ego thing when we expect men to spend time and effort to plan/set up nice dates/do real romantic things for us etc.
Common mistake I see lots of women make. Men love the feeling of saving the damsel in distress. That DOES NOT mean he views a woman as "weak" or "helpless". It just means he genuinely cares for his woman. Nor does it mean that she can't be strong and independant. What it does mean is letting the man help you with things, even if they are small things that you can do yourself.
When I was dating my ex bf (that tragically died) I was happy to ask him to change the oil in my car, or change my tire, or move furniture etc. etc. of course I am quite capable of doing all of those myself but I've learned it's important to step back now and then and let him do those things and tell him how much I appreciate him for it. Our relationship was so much better than had I just done it all myself, in which case lots of guys end up feeling as if they are only really good for their paycheck. Sure, some may argue it's an ego thing, but guess what? It's just as much of an ego thing when we expect men to spend time and effort to plan/set up nice dates/do real romantic things for us etc.
Very well said. Each gender should learn to appreciate the things the other person does for you and notice it and show their appreciation. The last man I dated that has passed on used to reach over me sometimes in the car and fasten my seat belt when I was leaving for work! Some might say that is a bit over the top, but he would do it as he was kissing me goodbye. I thought it was a nice touch. It was a great way to start my day.
I love chivalry and think it goes a long way. For me, it is an extension of love and courtesty...a demonstration of caring and protection. My boyfriend knows this and as a result, makes every effort to be chivalrous towards me (and every other woman he comes in to contact with, from my observation)...Opening the restaurant/apt door for me...opening my car door for me...pulling out my chair at a restaurant...putting on my coat. He doesn't do these things out of obligation, but rather out of genuine love for me. These are all gestures that I love and appreciate so very much as a woman .
I can see how that could happen with fake gentlemen. Sorry this has happened to you. To me, there is just nothing like a man who really respects women and treats them like a gentleman. I don't expect it, but I do enjoy it and show my gratitude. I've never had a man expect something in return cause he acted respectfully around me. I wonder if younger men and boys are even being taught these skills anymore?
I find the guys my age aren't taught it as a default but as a ploy to get gals so acting respectfully at any level much less gentlemanly is only done as a tactic not out of genuine respect.
Your responses in the other topic start to make sense. Do you live in douchebag-ville or something? Why would a woman want a man that is anything *other* than a gentleman? And if a guy is faking it then he's not really a gentlemen at all. I think you should reconsider what kind of men you hang around because a real gentlemen isn't like that at all. Your hate and bitterness is seeping through.
There are lots of good men out there, but if you keep finding yourself around douchebags then you are the only common denominator.
As for me, of course! Much like how I always make sure to conduct myself in a lady-like manner.
How me finding it illogical for you to blame others for what one chooses to do and say to another which is reminiscent of blaming a rape victim for being raped make any sense that I find most guys aren't genuinely gentleman?
I have no hate or bitterness to seep through so it seems you're doing quite some projection there.
Nice attempt at slighting me however I don't find myself around douchebags I get them forced on me as my friends are gals, gay gals, and gay guys.
Very well said. Each gender should learn to appreciate the things the other person does for you and notice it and show their appreciation. The last man I dated that has passed on used to reach over me sometimes in the car and fasten my seat belt when I was leaving for work! Some might say that is a bit over the top, but he would do it as he was kissing me goodbye. I thought it was a nice touch. It was a great way to start my day.
Exactly. I find it quite hypocritical for women to get upset for men for being willing to go the extra mile, even if unnecessary and get upset at him for him, somehow viewing her as "weak" yet sure expect him to go the extra mile in being real romantic and what have you. Men love saving the damsel in distress, women love being romanced, in a good loving mutual relationship you recognize both and both appreciate each other for it.
And don't we women constantly complain men AREN'T gentlemanly/chivalrous enough? Sheesh.
I find the guys my age aren't taught it as a default but as a ploy to get gals so acting respectfully at any level much less gentlemanly is only done as a tactic not out of genuine respect.
Well, then date older men then, duh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie
How me finding it illogical for you to blame others for what one chooses to do and say to another which is reminiscent of blaming a rape victim for being raped make any sense that I find most guys aren't genuinely gentleman?
I have no hate or bitterness to seep through so it seems you're doing quite some projection there.
Nice attempt at slighting me however I don't find myself around douchebags I get them forced on me as my friends are gals, gay gals, and gay guys.
Well, then perhaps you shouldn't hang around gals, gay gals, and gay guys. I don't for the same reason.
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