Guys - online dating success rate (lover, single, kissing, kids)
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Less than 10%. I learned early on not to spend more than a few minutes writing a message. OLD is garbage for most people... far too much crap to put up with.
Ditto. Reading their profiles is like reading in code.
"No players!" = got played several times by douchebags/bad boys
"Not looking for a hookup" = ...unless you're really attractive
"Can you handle me?" = I will test you every f*cking moment we are together
etc. etc...
So true. These women are dating cancers and are usually the ones complaining that there's no good men. There's plenty of good men if you would stop over looking them to date crap. You're the common denominator here, not the guys.
Hovering around 15% success rate for responses, and around 5% for actually meeting up. However, I did manage to get one five month relationship from one of those meetups, so I can't say it's been a complete waste. She wasn't really my type and I wasn't really hers, so I wasn't surprised when the inevitable breakup came. I'd like to think that OKC will turn out to be a worthwhile investment in the future but for now I've stopped sending messages. It's disheartening to see all these 85% plus matches (similar political and religious beliefs, similar interests) with attractive women and not get any bites when I message them. It's not like there is a small pool to date from here in SF.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I found dating in SF to be horrific. I was told time and time again that as a straight guy dating in SF will be easy as pie. I found it to be the worst city to try to date in that I've ever lived.
I found dating in SF to be horrific. I was told time and time again that as a straight guy dating in SF will be easy as pie. I found it to be the worst city to try to date in that I've ever lived.
I have my own theories on why dating here is a pain, but I'd like to hear yours first since you probably were here longer than I was (and while I'm technically an American, I never lived here until recently.)
I found dating in SF to be horrific. I was told time and time again that as a straight guy dating in SF will be easy as pie. I found it to be the worst city to try to date in that I've ever lived.
Really? Wow. That surprises me. Now my curiosity is piqued.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
I have my own theories on why dating here is a pain, but I'd like to hear yours first since you probably were here longer than I was (and while I'm technically an American, I never lived here until recently.)
Care to share?
I lived in the Bay Area many years ago, partly grew up there, and am moving back next month. I've been checking out the area just out of curiosity. What has your experience been like?
I was on this forum a while ago and I remember you specifically. You sent me your online dating profile.
You fall into the first category I mentioned, which is why you don't have to put in any effort. For shorter/more average looking guys, it takes a lot of effort to get girls from dating sites.
What has been your success rate for dating women online as a percentage in terms of women you have contacted and that resulting in an actual date. I estimate my success rate was 10% when I was dating online...i.e. for 100 women I contacted I got 10 dates.
You mean, of all the women I attempted to contact in any way shape or form, how many have I actually gone on dates with? I'd say 5% at most. I've never thought of that as a "success rate," though, since there can be any number of reasons that we don't end up going on a date. Sure, many times they're just not interested in me, but other times either or both of us may be busy with other dates or other things going on in life. Timing is everything. When work and/or social life would get too busy for me, dating sites would be the first thing I'd neglect, because they're so time consuming to keep up with. Once I get back to it, some of the women with whom I've been talking will no longer be there. Also, many times something will come up in the communication process (after we've started communicating but before either of us has asked the other out) that will make me no longer interested in them. And of course, some are inactive profiles and a human may never even see my communication attempt in the first place.
When I think of "success rate" I think of the ones I actually ask out, and whether they say yes or no. By that definition it has probably been 70-80% success for me on dating websites.
I don't see how people say online dating takes effort. Seriously, if sitting on your butt and writing some stupid message is effort.. there's something wrong with the world.
Ha, good point. From that standpoint (the fact that you have many women at your fingertips without even literally getting off your ass), it is by far easier than any other way of meeting women.
Where the "effort" comes in, at least for me, is just the time and focus it takes to keep up with the damned thing. Sorting through the profiles, contacting them, and keeping up with their responses feels like a second full-time job to me sometimes. When I get home from work after staring at a computer screen all day, or more likely when I get home from whatever I'm doing after work (workout, errands, dinner, dates, social outings, activities, etc.) the last thing I usually want to do is to spend another hour or two reading and responding to people on dating sites, email, text messages, etc. (not to mention that there are women who still want to do phone calls like it's the 20th century, and I REALLY don't have the time or energy for that most nights) Often I just want to veg out for a bit and go to bed.
Obviously I wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it for me, so I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it DOES take effort (time, focus, and mental energy) even if it doesn't involve getting off my arse.
Really? Wow. That surprises me. Now my curiosity is piqued.
Care to share?
I lived in the Bay Area many years ago, partly grew up there, and am moving back next month. I've been checking out the area just out of curiosity. What has your experience been like?
There are a few things I've observed here in the dating scene that put me off. Keep in mind though, your experiences will differ for obvious demographic reasons. Also keep in mind I come from a more traditionalist dating culture (you know, the whole candle-lit dinner and guy pays the bill sort of thing.)
1) People here in the 20-30 age bracket seem to have adopted a cultural norm of being very serious about...not being serious. To put it simply, people love being casual, and it's hardly restricted to dating. I still walk into up-scale restaurants and am shocked by the flip-flops and jeans on many customers who probably make six figures or more annually. That however, is not really a big issue. What does bother me is the way people treat dating and their relationships as casual hobbies rather than serious investments. Perhaps it is because so many in the city are from somewhere else, and are merely passing through for school or career options. Or, perhaps it is because it is a liberal city and young people with some money and a promising career prefer to party and hook-up rather than mire themselves in a LTR, which is not unreasonable. It makes connecting with people difficult because one never knows when the other person will get bored and move on, usually without so much as a text. It's easy to make acquaintances, but hard to make friends.
2)This is somewhat of a tie-in to one but I think it deserves a separate category because it, well, grinds my gears. People are latefor appointments on a consistent basis, especially social ones. If I set up a date for Friday at 8 o clock, I can almost guarantee that she'll text a few hours in advance and push it back further in the evening, or even cancel it completely. The reasons given are never, well, unreasonable, but it does get irritating the fourth time you hear "I'm so busy," as if they're a special case. It gets to the point where the whole process of setting up dates, exchanging the obligatory texts (since people are apparently too busy to talk on the phone for five minutes), pushing back, cancelling and rescheduling, begins to feels like pulling teeth.
There are a few other little things but those two are probably my biggest bugbears.
Ha, good point. From that standpoint (the fact that you have many women at your fingertips without even literally getting off your ass), it is by far easier than any other way of meeting women.
Where the "effort" comes in, at least for me, is just the time and focus it takes to keep up with the damned thing. Sorting through the profiles, contacting them, and keeping up with their responses feels like a second full-time job to me sometimes. When I get home from work after staring at a computer screen all day, or more likely when I get home from whatever I'm doing after work (workout, errands, dinner, dates, social outings, activities, etc.) the last thing I usually want to do is to spend another hour or two reading and responding to people on dating sites, email, text messages, etc. (not to mention that there are women who still want to do phone calls like it's the 20th century, and I REALLY don't have the time or energy for that most nights) Often I just want to veg out for a bit and go to bed.
Obviously I wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it for me, so I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it DOES take effort (time, focus, and mental energy) even if it doesn't involve getting off my arse.
That makes sense. I work online, so I'm literally online 50 hours a week. I naturally just look at all kinds of things online while I work.. Thankfully I work from home!
It might be more effort if it wasn't something I already do every day.
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