Am I Overreacting about this relationship issue? (boyfriends, long distance, men)
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i agree with most of the posters- back off,,,
unfortunately, he's in a difficult situation, his family is trying to monopolize his time,,,he needs to tell them to back off
if they meet you now, you may not get a good reception, they are very protective of him, and sometimes, girlfriends, are looked down upon and judged harshly (ironically, more so by the women in a family)
if he's worth waiting for ,,then dont drag yourself down,, with this,,let it go,,
just plan ahead for when he comes home,,for a whole day, just the two of you- and then designate a day(s) for his family
he needs to push back to his family, it isnt easy, they mean well..
No by making it official, I meant he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Sorry that I jumped to that conclusion.
You are in a tenuous situation because of his deployment. Extended separations really have a way of magnifying the positives AND the negatives in a relationship.
I honestly wish for your sake that you were NOT official because it is just a shame for someone as young as you to be tied down without having really even experienced a real relationship with him.
I also don't think you should worry about the family issue. It will happen when it happens. I think the best approach for you would be to have very low expectations of him when he is in town. I really think the VERY best thing would be for you to just be friends until he is back in town. Otherwise you will always be found wanting.
I have been with my BF for 10mths. It's been mostly LD since he's in the military. Let me explain how we met. We were supposed to go on a blind date but then his orders got pushed and he got deployed to Afghanistan. We still kept in touch and Id send him care packages.
When he came back in March, we met and made it "official". He was only here for two weeks then he had to go back to where he was stationed which is Delaware. (we are from the same hometown, he grew up here). Anyways we kept in touch while he was over there. He was there about 6 mths, came back for about 3wks then had to go back to a new duty station in Germany.
While he was here, One of his older sisters pretty much booked him for Family dinners, church events, asking him to take her to different places. She would make plans without asking him first. He felt bad bailing on all of them so we didnt get to spend as much time as I would have wanted. But we did spend time together. He never sees his family/friends so I support him spending as much time as he can I really love him so I decided to introduce him to my family. That same day, his sister planned a dinner party without telling him and invited people over. Luckily, he left early and came to my party and met my family. They loved him.
Problem is, I havent met his family yet. I have met his nephew and his best friend but not his parents or older sisters (one of them lives in Arizona).
Should I be worried that I havent met his family yet?
Everything is fine and we still communicate while hes in Germany. It just bothers me that he hasnt made that step.
Life is uncertain. Just enjoy your time and don't worry. If you meet someone else, someone with more time for you, someone with a better future for you two, go for it. If you don't, then why not continue this relationship. There is only cause for concern if you think you're wasting your time on this relationship (just in case it ends nowhere). If you feel uncertain, move on (but talk to him first, just to make sure that he and you are on the same page). But long distance relationships are always hard to maintain. It will not be surprising if he meets someone else during some of his time else where...
You don't know the other person's heart (especially if you hardly see the person). He may be enjoying the brief moments with you while not seeing your relationship as anything serious in the first place.
Should I be worried that I havent met his family yet?
Everything is fine and we still communicate while hes in Germany. It just bothers me that he hasnt made that step.
Appears to me that he hardly sees his own family so I'm not surprised you haven't met them. His service obligations mean that a lot of things that civilians would consider "normal" simply aren't going to happen normally.
Appears to me that he hardly sees his own family so I'm not surprised you haven't met them. His service obligations mean that a lot of things that civilians would consider "normal" simply aren't going to happen normally.
[i'd be more worried about the sister]
This is true. He's always been stationed somewhere else or deployed so he never sees them.
Life is uncertain. Just enjoy your time and don't worry. If you meet someone else, someone with more time for you, someone with a better future for you two, go for it. If you don't, then why not continue this relationship. There is only cause for concern if you think you're wasting your time on this relationship (just in case it ends nowhere). If you feel uncertain, move on (but talk to him first, just to make sure that he and you are on the same page). But long distance relationships are always hard to maintain. It will not be surprising if he meets someone else during some of his time else where...
You don't know the other person's heart (especially if you hardly see the person). He may be enjoying the brief moments with you while not seeing your relationship as anything serious in the first place.
We already had this discussion about moving on but both of us want and agreed to make it work. Communication was an issue before but we talked about it and he has improved and it's not always easy because of the time difference but we manage to sneak in quick messages to say im thinking of you/i miss you here and there. I can honestly say I love the guy so Im willing to wait for him
Ok, I'm gonna ask: What void are you trying to fill in your own life? Because you seem really anxious to move this to the next level, and you're pretty young to be rushing into anything.
Because 5 weeks in, and a lot of that with him not being available... you're still early stages, no matter how many phone calls and letters/emails you exchange. If you want a boyfriend that's gonna be there all the time, you can't be dating a guy who's gonna be deployed.
And frankly a guy in the midst of a series of deployments is not gonna be the same guy you're going to get when he gets back and settles in to civilian life. If he even intends to do that - what are his plans?
Yeah, maybe he's a doormat. Are you going to be ok with that? I sure as heck wouldn't want to be with a guy who's a doormat. But maybe he's not a doormat, and maybe he's just accommodating a family that he's missed and who he knows misses him desperately in return. They are, after all, the people he's spent his life with, and if he actually LIKES his family, yeah, they're gonna take precedence over some chick he's only had a little bit of face time with over an extended period of time.
Maybe he's using you. It's not unheard of for guys in the military to string a chick along - maybe not even intentionally - just because deployments can be a very lonely time.
But whatever it is, either dial your expectations back and fill your life with other things while you see where it's going OR tell him you don't want to be in a committed relationship and want to be free to date other people OR just let it go and move on.
I can honestly say I love the guy so Im willing to wait for him
You like him, you're attracted to him but in my opinion you're not in love with him after spending only the equivalent of a few days over a few weeks actually together in person. You're more in love with the idea of being in love. Worrying already about family dynamics is way premature and over the top. Relax, take a deep breath and get on with your life. There's plenty of time ahead to see where this relationship goes without bringing a lot of drama into play at this very early stage. Good luck.
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