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Many many divorces are mutually agreed upon, but someone has to initiate the paperwork.
Many divorces are amicable, or at least the marriage slouches towards mutual acquiescence that the end is inevitable. But the scenario that frequently transpires is that the wife feels trapped, stifled, limited, taken for granted. Thus husband is more or less content, if not outright happy. The wife decides that the marriage should end, and the husband takes the longer view - the view that strident animosity have no place, that the struggle can't be justified, and that therefore it is better to part on friendly terms, than to wage battle.
Reasonable people can make the best even of unreasonable situations. In that sense, yes, the conclusion to many marriages is fortunately free of strife or melodrama, and the former partners persevere as fresh individuals. But one surmises, not without reason, that there remains a wistful feeling of regret; and that more often than not, that feeling rests predominantly with the former husband, than with the former wife.
All kinds of folks marry for life. Most of my close friends over the years are still married to their first spouse. And these are folks that got married in the "swinging 60's and 70's". Yes, I know, in the general population, life long couples are in the minority, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible still today. I know half a dozen couples who have been married in the past 5 years, and most of them clearly planned to marry for life.
There are a few countries out there where divorce is illegal. Those are your best bet.
Easy and simple divorce combined with third wave (read man-hating) feminism and socialism destroyed the institution of marriage and the family unit.
We live in a culture where divorce is big business and entitlement is the norm. This does not bode well for marriage.
I bolded what I think rings true for most failed marriages. People nowadays believe they are entitled to everything and will end their marriages to get it.
I bolded what I think rings true for most failed marriages. People nowadays believe they are entitled to everything and will end their marriages to get it.
So true. I doubt they have any idea what the word selfless even means with respect to a marriage.
I bolded what I think rings true for most failed marriages. People nowadays believe they are entitled to everything and will end their marriages to get it.
Playing devils advocate though, what is wrong with wanting a relationship where you'll be happy? Call in entitlement, but if your in a marriage and you are no longer happy(for whatever reason, minor or major) and you've tried to make it work, but still aren't, is it so wrong to exit to try to find the next person who you feel like you can be happy with? People fall out of love, or sometimes grow up and realize that they can or want to get someone that better matches what they want or that person might not be getting what they want out of the marriage any longer... It might be entitled or selfish, but you only have one life, live it to the fullest. I know this might get me flamed but I honestly just feel like it isn't so wrong to end a marriage or a relationship if you are no longer happy or in love with that person... Then again, I'm not a huge proponent of marriage anyways. Some people probably shouldn't get married, especially if they have a mentality similar to mine.
Playing devils advocate though, what is wrong with wanting a relationship where you'll be happy? Call in entitlement, but if your in a marriage and you are no longer happy(for whatever reason, minor or major) and you've tried to make it work, but still aren't, is it so wrong to exit to try to find the next person who you feel like you can be happy with? People fall out of love, or sometimes grow up and realize that they can or want to get someone that better matches what they want or that person might not be getting what they want out of the marriage any longer... It might be entitled or selfish, but you only have one life, live it to the fullest. I know this might get me flamed but I honestly just feel like it isn't so wrong to end a marriage or a relationship if you are no longer happy or in love with that person... Then again, I'm not a huge proponent of marriage anyways. Some people probably shouldn't get married, especially if they have a mentality similar to mine.
Because most people will NEVER be 100% happy. If you keep looking for greener pastures just because life has become less than a Disney movie, you will always be looking. A lot of people keep looking for happiness with their genitals because they are addicted to the rush of first "love/lust."
Of course, there are a lot of situations where people have just grown apart, and divorces happen.
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Because most people will NEVER be 100% happy. If you keep looking for greener pastures just because life has become less than a Disney movie, you will always be looking. A lot of people keep looking for happiness with their genitals because they are addicted to the rush of first "love/lust."
Of course, there are a lot of situations where people have just grown apart, and divorces happen.
True.. But if you were 90% happy with that person the first 10 years or so, and then down the road found yourself 60% happy, despite most attempts to work it out, isn't it plain torture to stay just because you're married? Even if it means that you'll never be in a very long relationship or marriage, I don't think it's a bad thing to leave one situation that is barely tolerable for the sake of finding another situation that is very very tolerable. The idea of having to stay with someone forever and ever, despite your happiness, just seems like torture to me.
True.. But if you were 90% happy with that person the first 10 years or so, and then down the road found yourself 60% happy, despite most attempts to work it out, isn't it plain torture to stay just because you're married? Even if it means that you'll never be in a very long relationship or marriage, I don't think it's a bad thing to leave one situation that is barely tolerable for the sake of finding another situation that is very very tolerable. The idea of having to stay with someone forever and ever, despite your happiness, just seems like torture to me.
I agree if it's a couple who has genuinely tried to work it out. Stuff happens.
For me, I did have to go through periods of unhappiness in my first marriage, but working on it made it worth while in the long run. I do realize that won't work for everyone.
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To think people will be married for life? Back in the day people stayed married basically where we're they going to go? Today women have more freedom and options. Then throw in after the kids are grown then what?
Yes I think it's realistic, may be I'm old fashioned but marriage should be for a lifetime in my opinion(provided one believes in marriage in the first place)
My elderly neighbors across the street are both 90 years old. They celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary a few months ago.
Several months ago, I sat in their living room and together, they told me the story of how they met. They finished one anothers sentences. The husband told me that she didn't know it yet, but he was the man she was going to marry.
She was courting another man and he said he stole her away from him and they have been together ever since.
The husband is dying. I see the love and fear in her eyes when we talk. I know they had to work to keep their marriage healthy, and it seems they did it.
I know that soon enough he will be but a memory, and I do not think she will be able to make it on this earth for very long without him.
It can be done.
"The husband is dying. I see the love and fear in her eyes when we talk"
I saw this in my cousins eyes when her husband was on his death bed. He came clean about seeing hookers on his business trips. She completely forgave as he layed in the Hospital bed. She took it all back and separated from him when he completely recovered.
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