GF: Morbidly Jealous and maybe Borderline? (dating, Christian, boyfriend, married)
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I am in middle age and have been dating someone for over 10 months. They have a lot of qualities I've been looking for in a woman: Great sense of humor, Christian, chaste, extremely intelligent and mostly a gem of a human being. She has never been married, no kids, very attractive and hasn't dated someone for any length of time for 15 or more years. We clicked instantly and have been dating ever since.
I really like ... love ... the girl but I am at my wit's end.
But all is not well in Whoville. She is insanely jealous and behaves erratically sometimes. We might have a few nice days together, but eventually she'll start acting like a lunatic. She constantly worries that I'm going out with other people or searching the internet for profiles.
There have been at least three occasions where she has gone off on me while overcome with jealousy. Once, I was out for a beer and she slammed a patio door on my finger. This wasn't intentional, but she was mad enough to slam the door. More recently, she shoved me around the apartment.
In fairness, when she gets on one of her jealousy tangents, I'll usually say something sarcastic and that incites her even more.
Friday I was picking her up after a flat tire and finding out she was being laid off from her job. She was acting frantic about getting a new tire and was getting on my nerves. (She has no money and still wanted to spend $100 on a new tire for a car she is getting rid of in a few weeks.)
I forget what I said, but I responded sarcastically to something triggering her jealousy and she threw her french fries and a drink at me while driving. After raising my voice and taking her home, I threw the drink back at her and told her I was done with her. She refused to leave my car and I threatened to call the police.
She finally left the car and ask what was she going to do about her tire. I told her, "I don't really care anymore. That's your problem." Yes, I was ticked off.
I know I'm crazy to even ask, but she has such great qualities and I don't want to lose her. Is there any hope?
I know I'm crazy to even ask, but she has such great qualities and I don't want to lose her. Is there any hope?
Expecting a tongue lashing from you all.
She must have some extremely great qualities. I can't imagine living like that.
She pushed you around, threw food at you and slammed your finger in a door...and you still want to be with her?
Why???
I honestly can't imagine what is so great about this woman that it would negate all of this. You do realize there are women out there that won't treat you like crap, right?
Morbid jealousy, also known as Othello syndrome or delusional jealousy, is a psychopathological condition in which a person holds a strong delusional belief that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful without having any significant proof to back up their claim. In morbid jealousy, the overall basis of the psychopathological experience is the preoccupation with a partner’s sexual infidelity. The most common cited forms of psychopathology in morbid jealousy are delusions and obsessions
Give it a few days and let her see the extent to which she's screwed up. I'm not sure if her problem is fixable. Have you talked to her about it when she was in between spells?
I would swear that you were my friend and her boyfriend if it weren't for a few minor details that are off, you two sound just like them. Things didn't end up working out between them, but they still talk (torture) each other. I know she's seeing other people now and he probably is too. I think he always did, even when they were together. Of course, they are officially and publicly broken up now, but neither one of them tells the other that they're seeing others because neither wants the other to move on and both would launch into a jealous rage if they did. *sigh* Yeah, they're "special". Anyways, you don't sound like a good match.
A gem of a woman! Well, except for the insane jealousy and physical violence part. She can't hold down a relationship. Can she hold down a job? She was recently fired ... Is that a pattern too?
What are her wonderful qualities again? Chastity? It's weird, usually men who are so smitten with crazy women are mesmerized by the great sex.
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