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Old 01-25-2014, 08:54 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,972,596 times
Reputation: 20084

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jameshardin View Post
I loved online dating sights.
I bet you did, you dirty dog.
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Old 01-25-2014, 10:45 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica
36,856 posts, read 17,304,172 times
Reputation: 14459
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth View Post
That's why you go on dates! Those dates can and will eventually include things like work, school, or social events; activities with friends; volunteerism, etc.

Your point would be valid if people chose their spouses from online dating profiles, and their first meeting was at the courthouse or chapel to tie the knot. If anyone does that, the fault is with them, not the medium. All dating sites do is allow you to meet people. Getting to know each other in day-to-day life is totally up to you, just as it is if you met them anywhere else.
You're missing the point.

When people are conducting their daily lives (school, work, etc) they are not in "dating mode".

If dating sites were just about "meeting people" then there wouldn't be the need for profiles, pictures, etc. You could just draw a name out of a hat. People believe the profile matching can get them the same info as would observation of the person in situation A, B or C in terms of work, school, etc.

We spend most of our daily lives negotiating our work/school/family lives. If people can't observe you in these situations firsthand within a reasonable amount of time then it's futile.

That's why these sites are long shots. You can't see/feel out the person in their natural habitat when they aren't in "date mode" until deep into the courtship...if it makes it that long.

What these sites are selling people is the idea that the profiles will be able to help replicate that experience. It just isn't true.
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Old 01-26-2014, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,393 posts, read 30,869,940 times
Reputation: 16642
Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
You're missing the point.

When people are conducting their daily lives (school, work, etc) they are not in "dating mode".

If dating sites were just about "meeting people" then there wouldn't be the need for profiles, pictures, etc. You could just draw a name out of a hat. People believe the profile matching can get them the same info as would observation of the person in situation A, B or C in terms of work, school, etc.

We spend most of our daily lives negotiating our work/school/family lives. If people can't observe you in these situations firsthand within a reasonable amount of time then it's futile.

That's why these sites are long shots. You can't see/feel out the person in their natural habitat when they aren't in "date mode" until deep into the courtship...if it makes it that long.

What these sites are selling people is the idea that the profiles will be able to help replicate that experience. It just isn't true.

That's why you go out and meet them....
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Old 01-26-2014, 12:07 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,393 posts, read 30,869,940 times
Reputation: 16642
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703 View Post
No, that's not the point. Unless someone is independently wealthy or their company pays them to go zip-lining, I don't place great emphasis on where someone has traveled two weeks out of the year. When almost every single profile I read makes the person sound like they're hopping from one exotic locale to the next (hey, women do this too!), that's going to raise a lot of red flags. Lifestyle compatibility, communication skills, and basic values are far more important than an "exciting life."
Hi Melissa, I would not want to date a girl who is not into these things. I have pictures of me in different parts of the world and United States. Travel is an important part of my life, and having someone who is excited to be outside of their comfort zone is important to me. That IS a lifestyle compatibility. I wouldn't get more than 20 minutes with someone with poor communication skills because I'd probably get bored.

To some, an exciting life is a lifestyle and is a way to live.
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Old 01-26-2014, 12:50 AM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
3,793 posts, read 4,589,494 times
Reputation: 3341
Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
You're missing the point.
No, I got the point. I just don't agree with it. There is a difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
When people are conducting their daily lives (school, work, etc) they are not in "dating mode".
Speak for yourself. When I see a woman I'm attracted to and want to ask out, I'm in the same "mode" whether I'm at school, work, or a dating website.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
People believe the profile matching can get them the same info as would observation of the person in situation A, B or C in terms of work, school, etc.
They do? Who are these people? I've never heard of anyone thinking they can get the same information from a web page as from live interpersonal interactions and observations. Again, that's why they get together in person. If anyone is dumb enough to think they know a person based on a dating site, the fault lies with them for thinking that, not with the dating site or with the overall concept of online dating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
You can't see/feel out the person in their natural habitat when they aren't in "date mode" until deep into the courtship..
That's not my experience at all. Whether I meet her online or offline, if it doesn't become comfortable and natural in a non-"date mode" kind of way within a few dates I move on, regardless of whether we met offline or online. The method of initial meeting becomes a non-factor rather quickly when I "connect" with someone. I assume it's that way for other people, too, but perhaps not for everyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
What these sites are selling people is the idea that the profiles will be able to help replicate that experience. It just isn't true.
I agree that the marketing approaches used by some of the sites is misleading at best and flat-out sketchy at worst. I tend to think that of the way many products are marketed/advertised/sold, though. That's capitalism. ('Murrca!) Anyone who is smart enough for me to want to date them is going to see through the marketing B.S. rather quickly, though, and focus on what dating sites can actually do for them, which is put them in contact with people.

Last edited by nearnorth; 01-26-2014 at 01:10 AM..
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Old 01-26-2014, 08:13 PM
 
14 posts, read 26,066 times
Reputation: 28
They are awful. A lot of socially awkward men who cant meet women in real life. Most had no personalities and many were desperate for a relationship after one or two dates. I went on lots of dates, but never had any chemistry. The whole thing was exhausting and frustrating. Never again.
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Old 01-27-2014, 11:21 AM
 
Location: moved
13,608 posts, read 9,644,958 times
Reputation: 23389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
... some people use OLD to find what is much more difficult to find in there daily life.. I guess from that perspective then yes OLD is more efficient.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
How else would I meet childfree men?
And here lies the essential answer!

For persons looking for the generic cute guy/gal of decent character, real-life dating is superior to online attempts, for a vast host of reasons. For persons looking for highly unusual attributes, attributes that the mainstream person in real-life would not share, online dating is an invaluable refuge, despite all of its negatives.

Until recently, atheism/agnosticism was the great taboo. Though not exactly mainstream, it’s fairly common to find religiously unaffiliated people, and even avowedly secular ones. Being child-free has become the new atheism, the new rare and marginalized trait. Yes, many career-oriented people have not yet had children because they first wish to establish themselves. The more responsible amongst the disadvantaged may delay parenthood until they improve their material conditions. But affluent, educated people who disavow reproduction on philosophical grounds – now that’s exactly the sort of rare trait that’s best for filters on online dating.

That said, online dating is merely a reflection of what’s available in the local milieu, however embellished or skewed. A devout Muslim looking to meet other devout Muslims in, say, rural Ohio, would not be successful using online dating. But he might be successful if he pursues online dating in Detroit, which has a large and vibrant Muslim community. Of course, presumably devout Muslims would seek marriage through their local mosque. They have a good alternative to the fracas and frustrations of online dating. Similarly, a child-free person has good prospects for online dating in San Francisco, but probably not in the aforementioned rural Ohio. But there’s no “child-free mosque”, where child-free people mingle in their own community! Thus the imperative of finding alternatives such as online dating.

Online dating is a useful filter for unusual people to find likewise unusual people. This is its great strength.
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Old 01-27-2014, 11:42 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Recess View Post
You're missing the point.

When people are conducting their daily lives (school, work, etc) they are not in "dating mode".

I don't understand this "dating mode" concept. I'm a guy, I'm alive, I'm human... all the time. What mode is there?
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Old 01-27-2014, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,393 posts, read 30,869,940 times
Reputation: 16642
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post

Online dating is a useful filter for unusual people to find likewise unusual people. This is its great strength.

Psh, I've been trying to find a girl who golfs for two years now. I'm giving up that I'll ever find my Holly Saunders, online or at the driving range
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Old 01-27-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: In the middle.
543 posts, read 533,294 times
Reputation: 571
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydaysss View Post
They are awful. A lot of socially awkward men who cant meet women in real life. Most had no personalities and many were desperate for a relationship after one or two dates. I went on lots of dates, but never had any chemistry. The whole thing was exhausting and frustrating. Never again.
How dare they? The nerve!
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