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That's precisely why I stay away from it. OLD was skewing how I perceived the "perfect" mate, and I realized that it was having this effect. I was also aware that I was discounting people who might be really good people just because they didn't meet Criteria 2, 11, 13, etc.
So if you were discounting people who didn't meet certain criteria, how is that the fault of OLD? Just normalize your expectations.
I spent some time last year dating outside of my comfort zone. It was a good experience for me, but ultimately I have ended up with a guy who meets my criteria perfectly. I'm 46, I've had enough time to hone that checklist but also understand what my responsibilities in a relationship are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703
The funny thing is, OLDaters almost always think of what they can get out of a person, not what they have to offer. They're thinking about how the other person matches up to their expectations. They're not considering the fact that there's another person on the other end of the table who has equally as specific criteria as theirs, and that they might fall short. Hence, rarely does anything ever come of it.
Once again, a post that tars everyone who ever met people online with the same brush. Plenty of people do this, and plenty do not, regardless of how they met the person.
I absolutely AM considering how I might fit a man's criteria. If I feel I don't, It is just as much my responsibility to notice that as it is his. If he needs X and I don't have X but he is not able to see that, what is the benefit in fooling him?
I remember when I thought my husband, who I met on POF, and I were gonna divorce after only 2 months of marriage, I was at a loss how to meet a future relationship if ever because I really am shy and the real only way for me to meet guys is via online dating sites.
Also before I met my husband, I have been on online dating sites for 2(!) years. So I honestly was about to give up. Glad I didn't.
Am I glad I also didn't give up on the marriage? My answer varies with my husband's constant mood swings.
That's pretty hard to do when you (a) can't get a response, and/or (b) the other party seems to have no interest in carrying their half of the conversation.
Yes, I generally only message women who are a good fit via the close matches or whose profiles make it seem they would be a good fit. I have not once received a response from them. Yesterday I got frustrated because a woman I messaged (and stated that she'd try to respond to any questions people had) viewed my profile but ignored my questions. I know you can't attract everyone, but the fact I can't get a response despite well-written, well thought out messages and questions really makes me question that there are any women who go after personality, at least online.
I respond to all messages except the ones that are impersonal, mega flirt, kind of messages. I enjoy responding to the young men by telling them how handsome they are and how I appreciate their interest, followed with "but you are too young for me."
The no response to a message is really a positive because it allows no time spent with shallow people.
I have created a profile (no pic) just to browse. No one will message you if you don’t have a picture. No one really caught my eye. (this has nothing to do with looks either, I read their profiles and no one really had similar interests). Most of them had kids and noted that they wanted a woman who loves children (I tolerate kids but if I don’t have to spend time with them I wont). I do know of a few success stories when it comes to online dating.
I respond to all messages except the ones that are impersonal, mega flirt, kind of messages. I enjoy responding to the young men by telling them how handsome they are and how I appreciate their interest, followed with "but you are too young for me."
The no response to a message is really a positive because it allows no time spent with shallow people.
It's also depressing though when you realize just how many of these types of people there are.
There will always be some people that aren't interested. You converse with the ones that do engage. That should be obvious. If you can't get ANYONE to engage, then there is an issue with your profile (most likely), who you are (maybe), your intro messages, or your location... or perhaps who you are messaging. If you're not getting approached by women at all though (I get an intro email from a woman for probably every 2 or 3 I send), then likely your profile or who you are is the issue.
This, this, this. If you can't get anyone to reply to you, then there is something wrong with your profile or what you are writing when you message people. It's easier to be bitter and blame OLD as being terrible and full of flakes and people that have too high of standards than to look a good look at what you are doing wrong.
Yesterday I got frustrated because a woman I messaged (and stated that she'd try to respond to any questions people had) viewed my profile but ignored my questions.
I encountered a few of these-men who said they'd answer all messages, even if it was only to say they weren't interested because they appreciate the woman taking the initiative, who viewed my profile but didn't respond to my message.
After one of the times I tried Match, I got a couple of notifications from them a good month after my subscription expired. So, my friend logged on to her account and we did a quick search of women my age within 5 miles of my zip code. I didn't delete my profile when I subscription ran out and Match keeps them for a year in case you change your mind and want to come back. I hadn't logged in (no reason to) since my subscription ran out but when we did the search, we found my profile and it showed I'd been active within 24 hours. That happened twice. So this last time I tried Match, I messaged men knowing there was a chance they were no longer active members and I wouldn't hear back.
I have created a profile (no pic) just to browse. No one will message you if you don’t have a picture. No one really caught my eye. (this has nothing to do with looks either, I read their profiles and no one really had similar interests). Most of them had kids and noted that they wanted a woman who loves children (I tolerate kids but if I don’t have to spend time with them I wont). I do know of a few success stories when it comes to online dating.
Some years ago, had a rather-odd corner case exception to this (guy, responding to lady's profile).
Her profile had no photos, and was written in a somehow-interesting "patois" of English from what I suspected was a Russian's point of view. Yet it was earnest, not flaky, as some Russian scam profiles can be.
Intrigued, I answered, suspecting but not really knowing what I was dealing with. Sure enough, some messages later, turned out she was: one, on the level; two, not far away (mere miles); three, quite smart and personable (and available); and four, knockout-gorgeous in the way of many Russian women.
She'd tired of receiving too many replies containing pictures of men's junk and other vulgarity. I was the first of many dozen responses who wanted to know her for her, so to speak. That was one of her screening criteria for potential suitors.
We dated about a year until parting amicably. Nice lady, all-considered. She probably eventually found what she and her son needed.
Point being is every once in awhile, an adventurous, on-the-level guy will respond to mysterious posts by ladies without photos. And, some of those posts are on-the-level. Maybe it's a man's instinct to hunt, also known as "the chase." Courtship can be rather dull without challenges, from a man's point of view.
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