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I think the exact same thing, for the most part. Newspaper and magazine articles tout OLD for people who are "too busy" to meet other people. Really? Too busy to interact with other human beings, ever --? On what planet does that happen? Look, I can be quite introverted at times, but I still get out a lot. And what kills me is that in these profiles, the OLD users bang on and on about having a great social life. Well, if that's so, why haven't they found someone yet? Obviously, there's something really "off" about that person that turns people off pretty instantly.
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Originally Posted by go-getta-J
I agree Melissa. How can anyone be too busy to meet people IRL but can find all the time in the world to waste in front a computer?
If you live in any medium to large sized city and have a standard work schedule, you should at least have Friday and Saturday night to go out to the myriad of restaurants, bars, and clubs teeming with available singles. Then there are meetups, volunteering activities, events, festivals etc. I mean how can someone be lacking in options when there are so many better ways to meet people right at your doorstep?
I'm not completely discounting OLD, its just something that a lot of people rely on too heavily and have completely unrealistic expectations of what will come out of it.
If I were seeking something serious, I would use OLD as a very small supplement in my dating toolkit....and even then would never rush to meet someone right away. Too many weirdos and dangerous people out there to put yourself at risk over a chance at a connection.
I might be able to provide an example of this "too busy to interact". Most weeks I work anywhere from 150 to 300 miles away from home for the entire week. I'm responsible for about a two and a half state (Midwestern sized states) geographical area and am on call 24/7. Home is a town of 3000 people.
For what it's worth, I was talking about people's unrealistic expectations of the actual websites, not of themselves or other people.
There ARE people who travel to Tibet and/or work with the poor or orphans, you know. I realize you're exaggerating for comedic effect with the "on the weekend" and "saving on Wednesday nights" part, but it appears you're rather cynical toward people with worldly or altruistic outlooks on life. If that's not what you're looking for, move on to someone else.
I didn't mean to poke at the people who do those sort of things because that's the type of person they are. I was trying to point out the continued inflation of expectations and demands in OLD and how people try to portray a larger than life self to meet those demands.
I didn't mean to poke at the people who do those sort of things because that's the type of person they are. I was trying to point out the continued inflation of expectations and demands in OLD and how people try to portray a larger than life self to meet those demands.
I loved online dating sights. The excitement of getting that first message back, anxiously awaiting replies, sending pictures back and forth, it was great fun. I think its a great way to get to know someone when you are feeling more relaxed, and at ease. I stayed on POF and OKC.
I still get to remind my wife that she messaged me first.. with just a smiley.
I think the major problem with them is that relationships (if that's what you're going for) are extensions of who people are in their day to day life. Whether it's thru work, school, social events, friends, volunteerism, etc people are actually showcasing a major part of who they are thru these things. I mean...these are the things that define us.
When you simply post a profile and try to match up it's not an organic function of who you are.
I'm not trying to discredit the matches that work or people who use them but relationship building is an ongoing process of you interacting with yourself, your life (those things I listed), and then another person.
I've never used them and the only people I've known who tried them failed miserably.
On an interesting side note, I know a younger couple (20ish) who met thru an online gaming community. Again though, they got to see the other person in a more natural state of what they do and how they react even if it was only video games.
I think the major problem with them is that relationships (if that's what you're going for) are extensions of who people are in their day to day life. Whether it's thru work, school, social events, friends, volunteerism, etc people are actually showcasing a major part of who they are thru these things. I mean...these are the things that define us.
When you simply post a profile and try to match up it's not an organic function of who you are.
That's why you go on dates! Those dates can and will eventually include things like work, school, or social events; activities with friends; volunteerism, etc.
Your point would be valid if people chose their spouses from online dating profiles, and their first meeting was at the courthouse or chapel to tie the knot. If anyone does that, the fault is with them, not the medium. All dating sites do is allow you to meet people. Getting to know each other in day-to-day life is totally up to you, just as it is if you met them anywhere else.
I didn't mean to poke at the people who do those sort of things because that's the type of person they are. I was trying to point out the continued inflation of expectations and demands in OLD and how people try to portray a larger than life self to meet those demands.
I guess I just don't see it that way. I think people will obviously put their best foot forward on a dating profile, as they would in any other situation where they're meeting potential dates, but I don't see many attempting to be "larger than life" to meet "inflation of expectations and demands." A few do that, but they're easy enough to avoid. In fact, they're much easier to avoid online with a click or a swipe than they are at a party where you can't get away from them.
Well obviously the range of men is similar--you'll have everything from the bottom of the totem pole, to the top. However, the "top" of the totem pole, typically isn't necessarily relying on online dating to meet someone,
Of course! To me that goes without saying, and not just at the "top." Nobody I know is using online dating sites because they can't meet anyone offline. They're doing it because they can meet MORE people online in less time, and having a larger pool increases your odds of finding compatibility. If you're not able to date people you meet offline, you're not likely to have success with people you meet online, either.
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Originally Posted by Faith2187
HOWEVER, I will say that none of the guys I've been attracted to and spoken with, or dated, have used OLD.
I find this to be highly unlikely if you're talking about college-educated people aged 28 to 45 or 50 in an urban area. ( If you're talking about people in college or just a few years out, or people in extreme poverty, then I'm much more likely to believe it.) Nearly every single person I know in this demo, some of whom would be considered to be at the "top of the totem pole" by any definition, has used some form of online dating in recent years. I would even go so far as to say that anyone who claims they haven't may well be lying.
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Originally Posted by Faith2187
haven't needed to--they meet women on the regular, in person.
They also tend to be extroverted and always out and doing things, and are not online, or on the computer as often(unless work related), so they aren't really into using sites like meet-up, or match.com, or any other site where you "meet" up with people that you met online.
Yeah, again, it's not about "needing to." It's about expanding one's options. Even the most studly, outgoing, social guy, presuming he has a full-time job and other non-social things to tend to, is only going to meet, what, a couple dozen new single women per week, on a good week? Maybe slightly more if there's a really uniquely awesome party or outing that weekend? Compare that to being able to choose from hundreds or thousands (most likely including all of the ones he met in person that week and all of their friends). There's just no comparison.
No, that's not the point. Unless someone is independently wealthy or their company pays them to go zip-lining, I don't place great emphasis on where someone has traveled two weeks out of the year.
If you don't place great emphasis on that, move past the profiles that do and find one that doesn't. That's the beauty of online dating!
Personally, though, I think the way a person chooses to spend their limited vacation time says A LOT about who they are, what they're interested in, and what they value, so I like having that information about them. Also, contrary to what you say, I think it means even MORE if they're budgeting their own hard-earned pay to fund the vacation than it does if they're independently wealthy or their company is footing the bill. Vacations are big events for regular working people, who put a great deal of time and planning into them. They're practically meaningless for people who can afford to go wherever they want whenever they want.
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Originally Posted by Melissa78703
almost every single profile I read makes the person sound like they're hopping from one exotic locale to the next (hey, women do this too!), that's going to raise a lot of red flags. Lifestyle compatibility, communication skills, and basic values are far more important than an "exciting life."
Well, if a person has an "exciting life," that's an aspect of lifestyle compatibility AND basic values-- two of the three things you say are important. I agree that it doesn't tell you much about communication skills, but you can get that information elsewhere.
Last edited by nearnorth; 01-25-2014 at 09:04 PM..
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