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It's called hooking up now, but back in the day it was casual sex. I'm an Xer too.
I don't remember calling it "casual sex" or "one night stands," either. I think we just did it and let other people worry about the labels.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
And you are right, back then it was something people wanted to do, whereas now it feels as though there's some shame if you don't do it (for young people).
Completely false, in my experience. It's still something people do if they want and don't do if they don't want, just like it was then.
I don't remember calling it "casual sex" or "one night stands," either. I think we just did it and let other people worry about the labels.
Completely false, in my experience. It's still something people do if they want and don't do if they don't want, just like it was then.
There was actually a movie called Casual Sex in the late 80s. That was the common name for it. When the AIDS epidemic started, a war was waged against "casual sex."
How is my statement completely false when I agreed with you??? I did not say people do it when they don't want to. I simply think there is often a stigma (prude) that accompanies young people who choose to not engage in "hooking up." It's popular culture - tune in.
There was actually a movie called Casual Sex in the late 80s. That was the common name for it. When the AIDS epidemic started, a war was waged against "casual sex."
Right, I realize it was the proper term used by the media, older people, etc., but I don't recall the term being used in a youth culture sense the way "hooking up" has been in the past decade or so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
How is my statement completely false when I agreed with you???
Lol...I'm pretty sure someone just explained this to you a few posts up. You didn't appear to listen then, so I'm not convinced you will to me, either, but you said there is a "shame" involved for people who don't hook up. In fact, you repeat it here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
I did not say people do it when they don't want to. I simply think there is often a stigma (prude) that accompanies young people who choose to not engage in "hooking up."
And I said no, that is absolutely not the case in my experience. That is a false statement. We do NOT agree here. Got it? I'm saying the attitude is nearly identical to what it was 20 years ago. I'm not sure how to make this any more clear. If anything there is still far more stigma/shame applied to people who DO have casual sex than those who don't, particularly with women (sl*t-shaming).
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
It's popular culture - tune in.
I work at a university where hundreds of teens and 20-somethings confide in me about this stuff every year. I live in a neighborhood full of 20-somethings. I would wager that I'm a tad more "tuned in" than you are, but thanks anyway, Captain Condescension.
Right, I realize it was the proper term used by the media, older people, etc., but I don't recall the term being used in a youth culture sense the way "hooking up" has been in the past decade or so.
Lol...I'm pretty sure someone just explained this to you a few posts up. You didn't appear to listen then, so I'm not convinced you will to me, either, but you said there is a "shame" involved for people who don't hook up. In fact, you repeat it here:
And I said no, that is absolutely not the case. That is a false statement. We do NOT agree here. Got it? I'm saying the attitude is nearly identical to what it was 20 years ago. I'm not sure how to make this any more clear. If anything there is still far more shame applied to people who DO have casual sex than those who don't, particularly with women (sl*t-shaming).
I work at a university where hundreds of teens and 20-somethings confide in me about this stuff every year. I live in a neighborhood full of 20-somethings. I would wager that I'm more "tuned in" then you are, but thanks, Captain Condescension.
You can curb your attitude. Guess I was wrong to think you were one of the mature ones...
The poster above was wrong and conceded when I explained that shame is not the same as force.
My statement is not false as it is an opinion, not fact. Got it?
from the typical guys perspective, a girl who sleeps with a guy on the first date is ....cooperative-not a **** or ho,,,how can a guy make assertions about a woman when he's doing the same??
yes, theirs always been a stigma,,maybe more so for the woman,,, as being easy, or giving up too much too early and the guy wont be around in a week,,
i think today, theirs more fwb than years ago, good friends just want to be physical without the drama of a relationship
and if its two consenting adults-then its their business...
the "light of day" or "what everyone else thinks" concerning labels have always been around,,these are for very insecure people
chemistry between two people, isnt measured by a clock or calender- and if both adults are consenting who is anyone else to judge??
yes, it may be a wise choice to not have sex til you know someone,,, thats common sense and yes, when alcohol is involved, we may regret actions the next day,,,but we've all been there, thats how we learn.
on many first dates... sex happened, we didnt plan it,,in fact we both spoke against it,,,then chemistry took over
some folks have their own rules- "will never have sex on a first date" and thats fine, to each their own
There was actually a movie called Casual Sex in the late 80s. That was the common name for it. When the AIDS epidemic started, a war was waged against "casual sex."
How is my statement completely false when I agreed with you??? I did not say people do it when they don't want to. I simply think there is often a stigma (prude) that accompanies young people who choose to not engage in "hooking up." It's popular culture - tune in.
Well whether people feel ashamed for not participating in it or not, it's still shame that is self-induced.
In general I simply agree with nearnorth. I don't see how the "hookup culture" has changed for the worse from your time to now.
Ro, you're taking this (and my response) WAY too seriously. Relax.
I didn't say that ALL teens/twenty-somethings felt pressured. I said that there are some who do. And I believe that, though there's nothing new in that, either. It just seems to be a little more pronounced today than it was when I was that age. Just my take; I COULD be wrong...
And I also didn't say that there weren't ANY young people who want or who are in relationships (I work with young people, too, nearnorth, so I'm not a completely out-of-touch "old" person ).
Right, I realize it was the proper term used by the media, older people, etc., but I don't recall the term being used in a youth culture sense the way "hooking up" has been in the past decade or so.
Lol...I'm pretty sure someone just explained this to you a few posts up. You didn't appear to listen then, so I'm not convinced you will to me, either, but you said there is a "shame" involved for people who don't hook up. In fact, you repeat it here:
And I said no, that is absolutely not the case in my experience. That is a false statement. We do NOT agree here. Got it? I'm saying the attitude is nearly identical to what it was 20 years ago. I'm not sure how to make this any more clear. If anything there is still far more stigma/shame applied to people who DO have casual sex than those who don't, particularly with women (sl*t-shaming).
I work at a university where hundreds of teens and 20-somethings confide in me about this stuff every year. I live in a neighborhood full of 20-somethings. I would wager that I'm a tad more "tuned in" than you are, but thanks anyway, Captain Condescension.
Ya know, since you're no longer a young'un, you need to start thinking about your blood pressure, there nearnorth. Seriously.
I've worked with teens/twenty-somethings for years too, and I think some of the best qualities I can emulate as a 40-something are patience, poise, respect for others' opinions, and an ability to disagree with someone without resorting to childish name-calling.
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