It's psychologically ruinous to never experience a woman being attracted to you (married, love)
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Listen dear. The love of my life was not a physically attractive person to me. He was over weight and balding. But you know what. He was a friend when I needed one and we had a lot of fun together and over a bit of time we realized we wanted to be more. I married my best friend not some hot hunk with a gorgeous body. And honestly it just did not matter to me what he looked like because he was a beautiful person.
Sexual attraction is a temporary thing. Everyone looses their looks. The kind of person you are on the inside. The way you treat a girl and being a reliable friend are far more valuable in the long run than being good looking. Most good looking guys have too much ego to every be worth settling down with.
Don't worry about being friend zoned. If you stick around long enough that could easily turn into something much much more. Sex is nice but for most women it is not the most important thing we look for in a guy we want to be with for a long time.
How old are you? You haven't met the right woman yet. To some extent, it's up to you to create chemistry and be interesting to talk to, or fun, or attentive. If you hang around like a limp dishrag, passively expecting women to cozy up to you, there isn't going to be any chemistry nor any cozying. If they enjoy talking to you, move the conversation forward. Look them in the eye and act interested. Send signals that you're into them. The chemistry thing is a two-way street. You're 50% of the equation, you can make it happen.
I have a feeling a good portion of the people on this forum are guys that are either A. too scared to initiate anything or B. not real men at all. I say this not to offend anyone, I get it society today is taught what to think, not how to think. Many people (not just guys) can't make decisions for themselves, so they overgeneralize, over-analyze, or dramatize dating situations. Many of these people live in lala land, and will never know what it's like to love, live and explore their natural inhibitions. We can't teach any of these people, they have to do it for themselves. Of course, so many guys out there try for the diamond in the rough, and do not understand the meaning of dating levels or reality. There are girls out there for all walks of life, trust me I've met a great deal of them. From the grumpy old logger that lives in the middle of the forest to the greedy ego maniac ******* that owns a large company, they can all get wives and remain in long lasting relationships. Many people just don't have the courage to step outside squareville and blast off.
I really do think most unattractive guys can get a woman attracted to them. It might take them many years and hundreds of rejections (seriously), but yes they can.
I think the question was more of 'pure, physical attraction'. Like when a woman tells her friend, "That guy is hot." or hits on you. Or even a girl who you are dating saying, "I thought you were cute when I first saw you."
If you never get that kind of validation, how would that be, psychologically?
Why worry about that, as long as you're able to attract women on some level? The satisfaction is in the relationship that results, not whether or not someone's physically attracted to you, or tells you you're hot. If you set yourself up for high expectations, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Too much importance is placed here on physical attraction, imo.
I suspect the OP is pretty young, and just needs to give it time. And maybe acquire more social skills. We don't know if the OP is in HS, college, or early post-college, or what.
Why worry about that, as long as you're able to attract women on some level? The satisfaction is in the relationship that results, not whether or not someone's physically attracted to you, or tells you you're hot. If you set yourself up for high expectations, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Too much importance is placed here on physical attraction, imo.
I suspect the OP is pretty young, and just needs to give it time. And maybe acquire more social skills. We don't know if the OP is in HS, college, or early post-college, or what.
Because people want to be beautiful.
Didn't somebody create a thread "Hot people only answer this question."
I think the problem is that most people are able to achieve that. The vast majority of women and most men have had people think they are purely physically hot. So, if you're in the minority that has not, how does that affect you psychologically?
What if it's extreme? How does Janet Reno deal with the fact that thousands of immature boys pummel her self esteem on the internet? A lot of whom probably have no trouble getting women!
I'm getting away from myself, but the point is, you worry about it as little as possible, but there's no way it can have no effect on you.
lol! Well, people need to face reality. Work with the cards you're dealt in life, and you can still win. Go around wishing you were dealt a different hand of cards, and you'll only make yourself miserable. The people who do well are those who can adapt, and make lemonade out of lemons.
And fyi, "most" people are NOT able to achieve what you say. Only about 30% of the population, or on a good day, with the right clothes (and maybe makeup, for women, or fake boobs), 40%. That's not "most". What "most" people do is make the best of what they have, and try to cultivate an attractive personality and get on with enjoying their lives and pursuing their interests. Some give up, or figure that it'll happen when it happens. Most people know we can't all be beautiful.
It's only "psychologically ruinous" to those who are mentally weak. It's understandable to be depressed about not being desirable to women, but there comes a time when you have to move on with your life and accept your shortcomings. Being attractive to women at large, like most other things, is primarily innate. It's interesting how people will readily accept that someone just isn't "wired" to be a decent bodybuilder or mathematician, but yet when you consider the possibility of not being "wired" to attract women, all hell seems to break loose.
Just like anything else in life, you move on after you find out the cold truth that you just aren't any good at it and there's nothing you can ever do to change that. Sounds harsh and depressing, but you'll thank me later
lol! Well, people need to face reality. Work with the cards you're dealt in life, and you can still win. Go around wishing you were dealt a different hand of cards, and you'll only make yourself miserable. The people who do well are those who can adapt, and make lemonade out of lemons.
And fyi, "most" people are NOT able to achieve what you say. Only about 30% of the population, or on a good day, with the right clothes (and maybe makeup, for women, or fake boobs), 40%. That's not "most". What "most" people do is make the best of what they have, and try to cultivate an attractive personality and get on with enjoying their lives and pursuing their interests. Some give up, or figure that it'll happen when it happens. Most people know we can't all be beautiful.
You've never had a guy call you hot or be purely physically attracted to you?
You've never had a guy call you hot or be purely physically attracted to you?
No. And I never expected it, either. Nor have my gf's. This focus on "hot" in our culture is ridiculous. I think it's the result of the pornification of society (beginning in the days of Playboy mags). Many women would be happy if they could achieve "cute" (which some do). "Hot" is what happens when you get women into bed. That's when you find out who's hot and who's not. And it had no correlation at all with what they look like.
Move on with your life. If you can't find women who find you attractive, then find other things to fulfill your life, because dwelling on being single for the rest of your life just makes your life miserable.
It's what I've done.
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