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My BF and I have been going out for 3.5 months. You know when you meet someone and you just...know? That's how it is for both of us. We want to get married, but he's concerned that when he talks to my father about proposing (my dad's old-fashioned and would expect it), my father will shoot him down because we haven't been dating long. Both of us are recently divorced/going through divorce, and he's also concerned that my dad will say neither of us has been single "long enough" after divorcing. I don't think there's any length one MUST remain single after divorce; I think that's a stupid way to look at it.
We're both happy and confident people, we know ourselves very well, and we know what we want out of life...and that includes each other.
Try cohabitation first - it will only take about 6 months (possibly much less) to figure out if you can stand each other. I am also divorced, and came to the conclusion that I would never marry again unles the pros outweighed the cons. Hasn't happened yet.
3.5 months means that each of you have only seen each other's "ambassador" and not the nitty-gritty. Moving in together, trying it out, and then possibly parting ways later is a lot easier than jumping into a committment that you discover you're not so committed to a year later. You've both been through the divorce process, so I think you both know what it involves.
I'm glad to hear that you've got someone in your life with this kind of potential and I truly hope things work out for you - good things happen to good people and you are one of them
I think that while there is a possibility you are right, the first 6 months of a relationship are always viewed through rose-colored glasses. If you know they are right, then why the rush? What are you marrying for? The tax benefits? The ring? There are far less consequences to waiting than rushing into a mistake that's really difficult to get out of.
Location: The world, where will fate take me this time?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nativeDallasite
My BF and I have been going out for 3.5 months. You know when you meet someone and you just...know? That's how it is for both of us. We want to get married, but he's concerned that when he talks to my father about proposing (my dad's old-fashioned and would expect it), my father will shoot him down because we haven't been dating long. Both of us are recently divorced/going through divorce, and he's also concerned that my dad will say neither of us has been single "long enough" after divorcing. I don't think there's any length one MUST remain single after divorce; I think that's a stupid way to look at it.
We're both happy and confident people, we know ourselves very well, and we know what we want out of life...and that includes each other.
I totally agree, cohabitation! The gloves come off, the silver lining explodes! riiiip! pew! pow! woosh! wam! .... try eachother on. Recently on the heels of a divorce myself, I really don't think anyone can put their thumb on a "timeline" for when it's appropriate to start seeing other people, dating, kissing, sleeping with, living with, marrying, all and whatnot. Everyone is different.
You always want to keep in mind (even if its just lingering in the back of your mind) that you want to weed out whether it is him you are in love with, or the idea of being stable, and being with someone again that you love.
After a few months of living with him, you should have your feet planted firmly on the ground, the clouds lifting, to make a reasonable calculation of what the next step is, and where it is taking you.
I'm so happy for you that you found someone new you want to share your life with, I agree with the above posters. Eventually... good things happen to good people. And I think everyone deserves to be happy!
Worst case scenario... let him propose! wear the ring, move in, try him on, get your feet wet. Go with your gut instincts. If something is wrong you will feel it. And it's never too late to pack up if you're having second thoughts. Better to find out sooner rather than later, but mentioning you both being divorcees as well, I'm sure this is something you have already experienced firsthand.
I don't see what the rush is to get married again. Sounds like one of you are still in the process of divorce, and the other one is recently divorced... then throw in the 3½ month piece of it. And I can (barely) understand dad expecting his permission being asked on your first marriage, but you've both been down that road already. Really.. what's the rush?
And, fwiw, I think feelings can be a lousy guide in figuring out what to do.
I'm with Shuke on this. Never make any rash decisions based on emotion. If need be, write out the pros and cons on a piece of paper - where you can see it. Make your decision based on fact and rationale.
I'm not saying you two aren't meant to be together, but if you are, why rush into marriage? Why put your father through that? Your dad loves you and is concerned about you and probably wants to be sure you are happy. Don't alienate your dad because you are in a hurry to rush into another marriage.
I actually have a friend who is in a very similar situation - only they decided ON THE FIRST DATE that they were "in love" and "wanted to get married". She is still married, and literally one day before her first date with this guy, she was crying and pining away over the creep husband who cheated on her, has his ads on numerous sex websites and moved out on her, possibly leaving her with an STD. (She's since been tested and she's fine). I was wondering if she wanted me to take her outside and beat the crap out of her now or at a date in the near future! They have planned their wedding for a date a week after her divorce. I can't believe it!!! Not only that, but she wants ME to be her Maid of Honor!!! Who knew that I'd take a friend to a dance with me to cheer her up and she'd fall in love with the first guy she danced with! Scary!!!
I wouldn't rush into marriage... as it is, it would take me a lot to get married again too, after being through the ringer once already. What's wrong with just living with him and putting your feelers out for a bit?
My BF and I have been going out for 3.5 months. You know when you meet someone and you just...know? That's how it is for both of us. We want to get married, but he's concerned that when he talks to my father about proposing (my dad's old-fashioned and would expect it), my father will shoot him down because we haven't been dating long. Both of us are recently divorced/going through divorce, and he's also concerned that my dad will say neither of us has been single "long enough" after divorcing. I don't think there's any length one MUST remain single after divorce; I think that's a stupid way to look at it.
We're both happy and confident people, we know ourselves very well, and we know what we want out of life...and that includes each other.
What do you think?
Not to sound like a jerk, but if you feel it helpful to ask a message board in order to seek some sort of validation of your feelings then you probably should re-address this with your own self....
Sounds to me like you know you probably shouldn't but that little voice inside is saying, "Awww, c'mon... You know you WANT to...."
That same voice screwed me over EVERY time I ignored financial advice from my father....
I wouldn't rush into marriage... as it is, it would take me a lot to get married again too, after being through the ringer once already. What's wrong with just living with him and putting your feelers out for a bit?
On a side note, call me un-observant but I never knew you'd been married before..... I missed that thread/novel....
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Who knew that I'd take a friend to a dance with me to cheer her up and she'd fall in love with the first guy she danced with! Scary!!! 
