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Not one single bit...I tried very hard not to love this one girl but what ended up happening was that she became the pursuer and eventually just kissed me. Man oh man did those walls I built come crashing down around me. Love also tends to hit you when you are paying the least attention to that area of your life.
IMO love takes time. It takes trust, commitment, intimacy, value in and of the other person, it becomes unconditional. It is selfless. None of these can happen over night, in a week, or likely even in a couple months. It needs verbal and nonverbal communication. It needs each of you to have the ability to negotiate. It needs the each member in the relationship to clearly define their beliefs and values. It takes each person to refine listening skills and to completely accept every difference in the other. Because of the time it takes, you just find yourself there at some point, and honestly it could take years!! A relationship that does not attain this, is likely to fail eventually, or leave one of the members in this relationship feeling less valued, whether they choose to act on it or not.
I dunno. Me and my ex (yes he's an ex), fell in love, completely and unconditionally within a month. Well, let me rephrase that, we declared our love within a month, we were already in love before that, we just didn't want to admit it to ourselves. And before you say you can't have all that, that fast, well, that's untrue. I accepted him completely from day one. I honestly thought I didn't care about everything from his past because I wasn't interested in him (boy was I lying to myself). I trusted him. That alone speaks volumes since he's the only person in my entire existence that I trust. All the things you listed....were things we had before we even said "I love you". I know I didn't recognize it for what it was, because I had never experienced those things (trust, complete acceptance, unconditional love, knowing I'd take a bullet for him, etc, and he felt the same).
So, are you saying what we had....was just this below?
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A crush, puppy love, infatuation, lust, those can happen in an instant. It creates a chemical change in our minds that is euphoric and exciting and makes us want more. It sometimes ends up blinding us of sensibilities, because it is so intense. It is this chemistry that draws to people together and allow us the opportunity to work on the requirements needed for unconditional love.
Our chemistry, our history, everything that made us who we are, is what made is right for one another. Of course we had lust and infatuation, but we all know those things don't come with trust, acceptance, unconditional love, etc....especially when the people in question never felt this way about anyone before.
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Love before sight isn't true love. Again, it is missing some of the basic components of what unconditional love is.
I agree and disagree. I fell in love with another ex before I met him. We had met online, but not for dating. Just met. We talked on the phone a lot, online a lot, email......for over 2 years. I knew a lot about him. When I finally met him, I fell in love with him all over again. Because now it was all tangible....and his looks was the cherry on the top.
I'm not saying what you're saying is incorrect, but are you saying everything above is just my imagination? I didn't really love him unconditionally, didn't really accept him completely and all the other things?
I personally think you can learn to love (decision/choice) and also that it's not a choice. For example, couples of arranged marriages who fall in love with their spouse over time. To me, that's "learning to love". When I learn to love someone, I realize it can is easier for me to stop loving them and walk away. Versus, if I "fall in love", I am more willing to make it last, because the feelings are harder for me to shake. It also feels more authentic.
I fell in love with someone who chose to let me go, but still loves me. I honestly don't know where I stand. It's been 8 months. There may be a part of me that loves him forever. But does that mean I haven't started moving on? No. I just means I'm letting go slowly. I fell in love, with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. I wasn't looking for love, just a date. Haha. To me, that's how love works sometimes.
Unrequited love has got to be the worst. I feel bad for people that are in that situation. All you can do is try to move on and let them go. I guess my love has turned into that. Ugh. Never thought about that before. That sucks!
I dunno. Me and my ex (yes he's an ex), fell in love, completely and unconditionally within a month. Well, let me rephrase that, we declared our love within a month, we were already in love before that, we just didn't want to admit it to ourselves. And before you say you can't have all that, that fast, well, that's untrue. I accepted him completely from day one. I honestly thought I didn't care about everything from his past because I wasn't interested in him (boy was I lying to myself). I trusted him. That alone speaks volumes since he's the only person in my entire existence that I trust. All the things you listed....were things we had before we even said "I love you". I know I didn't recognize it for what it was, because I had never experienced those things (trust, complete acceptance, unconditional love, knowing I'd take a bullet for him, etc, and he felt the same).
So, are you saying what we had....was just this below?
Our chemistry, our history, everything that made us who we are, is what made is right for one another. Of course we had lust and infatuation, but we all know those things don't come with trust, acceptance, unconditional love, etc....especially when the people in question never felt this way about anyone before.
I agree and disagree. I fell in love with another ex before I met him. We had met online, but not for dating. Just met. We talked on the phone a lot, online a lot, email......for over 2 years. I knew a lot about him. When I finally met him, I fell in love with him all over again. Because now it was all tangible....and his looks was the cherry on the top.
I'm not saying what you're saying is incorrect, but are you saying everything above is just my imagination? I didn't really love him unconditionally, didn't really accept him completely and all the other things?
I'm not negating what you felt for him in any way. My opinion is solely what I think, based on my experiences, observations, interaction with others, therapy, and what I've read along the way. I don't feel there is an absolute answer for it and I certainly wouldn't assume that I am all knowing in these matters.
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