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You are definetly right about that. I was engaged to an Elvis impersonator when I was 21 and he was 34. It lasted 3 1/2 years ( this was back in the seventies folks) I cannot imagine being married to someone that is that much older than me now that I am older! Eeewww! He had been married twice before I met him and I think four times after I left him. Lucky me got away with just an engagement. It's like time stood still for him..almost all the other girls were 21 also after me. The Elvis thing is a whole other thread!lol
I may be old fashioned, but I believe if you are planning on having kids with your mate then you should get married, hopefully first. I waited until I was 35 to get married and had our only child at 37.
My dad was married four times. I learned from his mistakes. My first one is still going strong after 23 years together, 18 of them as husband and wife.
According to him, the first marriage is to find out what you're looking for in a marriage. To figure out what you enjoy, what you don't, and what you expect of your spouse. (trying very hard not to laugh) What do you think of this?
I mean, maybe I'm a little too old-fashioned. I thought that one of the marriage vows was 'until death due us part'. Maybe I misread them. lol I, personally, don't feel at all as if there should be the option of "second marriage", "third marriage", "fifteenth marriage"... You know? I mean, can you see what I'm saying here? I think if you go into a marriage thinking, "hey, if it doesn't work I can always get rid of you," that you're dooming yourself. Just my opinion...
For me once is enough, I know I am young but I honestly feel that if anything ever happend to my husband I would never marry again.
Yes that does sound like a "young" comment, as in young and idealistic, or young and inexperienced, or young and sure of how the world works, or young and sure of how you may be feeling in 5 or 8 or 27 years. That is not a criticism, just an observation. I had similar views when I went into my marriage, which lasted 12 years.
But now a couple decades later, life is too precious to waste either staying in a relationship that is not working; or pining for one that has passed; or pining for a person that is gone. Yes, people do that, but it seems to me a waste of life and joy. Also...I can't help but think that the people who truly love me best and really have my best interests at heart, would NOT want me "putting my life on hold" for their sake, they would want me out there enjoying life and love to the fullest.
Are marriages really needed?
Can't one have the same kind of relationship without a signed piece of paper?
No, it is a very different relationship. There are significant financial advantages and protection. There are legal advantages and protection. And if you have ever tried to see a loved one (but not "married" loved one) in a hospital room, and they deny you access because you are not married, it is a heartbreak.
It is also a measure of a person's commitment, to the person, to the long haul, to the relationship. Not saying it's better one way or the other, but it is a MEASURE.
You are definetly right about that. I was engaged to an Elvis impersonator when I was 21 and he was 34.
LOL that made my day. I have a buddy who does stand up comedy and he appears sometimes as an Elvis, and it totally cracks me up. He sent a xmas card that was 8 look-alike elvis in white suits, all shovling snow.
I joke sometimes that the marraige license should come with an renewal options or an expiration date....
But if I had given up on my dh after our 1st two years, I would have missed out on one of the most caring and loving people I have ever known...and that's 20 yrs later.
Trust me he even tells people that he doesn't understand why I didn't either kill him or leave him during that time.
I always hope for just one marriage for everybody but understand when things don't work out that way. My own parents split after 26 yrs.
I think you can look at things the counselor says as putting positive spin on the situation where a first marriage doesn't work. In other words, it wasn't a waste of time and the person got somthing out of it. I think its a little judgemental (no, change that to really judgmental) to say all you get is one bite at the apple - one marriage or you don't get the true meaning of marrige. But, for most people, even on their 4th marriage or whatever, they don't go into it with thoughts that its not going to work out.
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