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I'm at the age which I should have been married with children according to social norm. Those who know me and know that I'm still single speculate the reasons why I'm still alone. Believe me, they usually come up with the most shallow and convenient guesses that won't do me any honour. But then most of them don't know about my long term chronic illness.
I've been suffering from a serious sleep disorder since March 2003 and I haven't had a relationship with anyone since then, not even casual dating. My chronic fatigue which caused by sleep deprivation has gone so bad that I barely have enough energy to get through a typical work day. I have absolutely no energy left in me for personal relationship. Weekends and holidays are a tiny bit better as I get a bit more sleep but not enough to make an improvement. I look exhausted everyday and feel 10 times worse. I have to wear tinted glasses day and night when going out. I don't believe others would find me attractive in such a state and I don't think I'll be able to attract anyone romantically.
Above all I absolutely refuse to start a relationship with anyone before I'm 110% fully recovered from this torturous illness and have rested for an extensive period of time. I say, at least a full year. In other words, not until I have my normal health and life back first. It might not happen but so be it. If God wants me to spend the rest of my life alone and childless, He must have a good reason for it. I can't dispute that. I'm not going to start what I'm unable to complete. I totally don't care about how I am perceived by the society in general for being single at my age. I don't live my life for strangers that have no meaning to me. Social norm and conformity means absolutely nothing to me.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you do the same? Would you contrive to get involved romantically with someone even when you're physically unable? It'd be interesting to know.
I would work on improving my health first, because honestly, you're not a good candidate to attract women if you're so tired you can barely make it through the workday. If you're tired and really can't do anything, that's not offering anything of quality to yourself let alone a relationship.
You've had a sleep disorder for 11 years and yet you say it will be gone in a year? How does that work?
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you do the same? Would you contrive to get involved romantically with someone even when you're physically unable? It'd be interesting to know.
Of course not! You don't even seem that interested in women except as some kind of a "life accessory."
I still can't believe you have never had a sleep study done.
Sleep disorder aside, you don't seem to really want a relationship except to have one so otherpeople stop bugging you. If you meet someone you like and want a relationship, you should see where it leads, regardless of your sleep disorder. When you get down to it, we'veall got a terminal illness called life. Yet we don't let that get in the way of what we want to do.
I really don't know enough about your sleep problem to offer advice. I have no real idea if this truly is The Problem.
It's either incurable or treatable with medical help, and I have no idea what steps you've taken to find treatment.
If you've taken no steps, then you're allowing it to make the decisions for your life.
Either way, right now, NO, I would not focus on anything other than health.
A case of "learned helplessness" perhaps? OP claims to have never heard of a cpap machine or that there is such a thing as a sleep study. At any rate it makes a good excuse to avoid forming scary intimate relationships with others.
Why is it so hard for some people to be honest with themselves and others?
A case of "learned helplessness" perhaps? OP claims to have never heard of a cpap machine or that there is such a thing as a sleep study. At any rate it makes a good excuse to avoid forming scary intimate relationships with others.
Why is it so hard for some people to be honest with themselves and others?
A case of "learned helplessness" perhaps? OP claims to have never heard of a cpap machine or that there is such a thing as a sleep study. At any rate it makes a good excuse to avoid forming scary intimate relationships with others.
GOOD post, zentropa.
R. Crusoe - Why do you think you might be avoiding intimacy and a full commitment to your life? What is scaring you?
I'm at the age which I should have been married with children according to social norm. Those who know me and know that I'm still single speculate the reasons why I'm still alone. Believe me, they usually come up with the most shallow and convenient guesses that won't do me any honour. But then most of them don't know about my long term chronic illness.
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I can totally understand.Well I won't say this is the exact thing with me here but yes there are many similarites in what you've mentioned above.So in your case those who know you're single and they speculate about that.It's really sad but its true as well.I guess that the way people are, you know it is easier speculate/assume about someone from outside but only the person who is going through the situation knows the truth.Yes let them guess and speculate/assume all they want about you.You shouldn't be bothered about these things.Just live your life as you want as you feel it is best for you.
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Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
But then most of them don't know about my long term chronic illness.
So do you think that if they knew this their views about you will surely change and they will stop speculating about you as you mentioned.I don't know,it might or it might not, but I don't think so.No offence but I think there is a good chance that they will continue to speculate/assume despite that.[MY VIEW]
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
I've been suffering from a serious sleep disorder since March 2003 and I haven't had a relationship with anyone since then, not even casual dating. My chronic fatigue which caused by sleep deprivation has gone so bad that I barely have enough energy to get through a typical work day. I have absolutely no energy left in me for personal relationship. Weekends and holidays are a tiny bit better as I get a bit more sleep but not enough to make an improvement. I look exhausted everyday and feel 10 times worse. I have to wear tinted glasses day and night when going out. I don't believe others would find me attractive in such a state and I don't think I'll be able to attract anyone romantically.
I would only say you shouldn't worry about things, it will get better with time.Don't worry about attracting someone,yes there is nothing wrong in wanting to attract someone romantically as you mentioned but you shouldn't let that get into your head, you should try but don't overdo it.If you still feel you can't attract anyone just leave it and see may be someone will get attracted to you for who you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
Above all I absolutely refuse to start a relationship with anyone before I'm 110% fully recovered from this torturous illness and have rested for an extensive period of time. I say, at least a full year. In other words, not until I have my normal health and life back first.
Yes you should never be in a relationship for the sake of it as such, you will end up in a wrong relationship with the wrong person, who doesn't deserve you.Wait for the right time, the time when you're fully ready, when you've fully recovered(health) and above all wait for the right person.
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Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
It might not happen but so be it. If God wants me to spend the rest of my life alone and childless, He must have a good reason for it. I can't dispute that
Okay so are you saying that you think you're destined to remain single forever.If you truly believe that is what God wants ,yes no one can go agains't his will for whatever reasons he might have.True indeed!.
However I would say the thing DESTINY is only a part of one thinking and reasoning.Yes everyone is destined for something or another.In your case if you're destined to remain single forever, may be you will but you can always try to go agains't it and see what happens but you should do this because you want to(for yourself) and not for others(people and society).
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
I'm not going to start what I'm unable to complete. I totally don't care about how I am perceived by the society in general for being single at my age. I don't live my life for strangers that have no meaning to me. Social norm and conformity means absolutely nothing to me.
Well you remind me of me here.Well said
Yes shouldn't care how you are looked at and perceived by the society for being single at your age or any age as such.You don't have any obligation as such, you don't have to live your life others, you have to live for yourself.You the power to make your own decisions and do what's best for you hence go ahead and live your life, the way you want to.Don't let anyone/anything get in between that.Take a stand and live up to your decisions.
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Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you do the same?.
Yes I can understand.I have decided to stay single forever, I have my own reasons for this.
If I was in your shoes,I would just live my life and concentrate on my work life, rather than worrying about relationships, falling in love and attracting someone(but its true lot of people find me very attractive!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
Would you contrive to get involved romantically with someone even when you're physically unable? It'd be interesting to know.
Well all my life till now I have always been single and hence I have never even tried to contrive to get involved romantically with someone(anyone as such).
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