U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-30-2014, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,413 posts, read 5,214,489 times
Reputation: 8394

Advertisements

Many people seem to express more disappointment when someone they know breaks off a friendship than when that person gets divorced. That has always seemed backward to me. The friends did not stand up before a minister or justice of the peace and several guests to proclaim their legal commitment.

I find people are sometimes shocked to find out a friendship has broken up and sometimes more judgemental. When they hear a marriage has ended, they do not seem as surprised any longer as it happens often.

It is never easy to break off a friendship either, but these are seldom unconditional. I have had to do it once and described the experience on another thread. The couple in question were just getting less and less punctual (10 minutes late to start, then 30 minutes, then an hour plus...almost like they could not help it like you hear with the hoarders and often without notifying others including me). Then their attitudes got worse and demands increased unreasonably, too.

However, I never signed a contract or verbally agreed to a lifetime friendship with anyone in front of a minister and several other people.

Society these days seems to have sent this message in recent decades (end of friendship very wrong; end of marriage no big deal...try again). I have lived my entire teenage years and adult life in northern California (from age 12 to present). Maybe it is different in your particular region of the country?

Does this strike anyone else as kind of unusual thinking?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:09 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 40,279,559 times
Reputation: 39259
Why is do you think this just an American thing?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,868 posts, read 14,004,328 times
Reputation: 29910
I don't find it unusual. A spouse can be replaced, but a good lifelong friend/s are hard to come by.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:24 PM
 
79 posts, read 110,021 times
Reputation: 66
I have noticed a similar trend, people gasp when they hear a multi year relationship broke up without resulting in marriage, on the other hand when its a divorce, then o well, they shrug their shoulders and act like its a Common eventuality
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Sunny Bay Area, CA
1,566 posts, read 1,881,101 times
Reputation: 3267
These "American" questions drive me nuts lol. Like Pitt Chick said, how on earth is it determined that this is an "American" thing?

I have to agree with Hawaiian coconut also, I don't think it's unusual either. Spouses can come and go unfortunately for many reasons but a good loyal trustworthy friend is a gem you want to hang onto for life, and they aren't as common sometimes.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Vail, CO
957 posts, read 900,424 times
Reputation: 1104
Life long friendships shouldn't end. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my 3 closest friends that I've known going on thirty years.

Sure, we have our own busy lives but it's always great catching up with them. We know everything about each other, all the crazy **** we've done that none of us would admit to our wives/gf's. It's nearly impossible to replace those people!

It's a completely different thing than a man/women relationship.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 05:56 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
86,413 posts, read 79,537,107 times
Reputation: 88996
We just had a thread on this.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,413 posts, read 5,214,489 times
Reputation: 8394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Why is do you think this just an American thing?
I am most familiar with Americans' reactions. but if people from other countries wish to chime in, that is fine. It may be similar for all I know.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,413 posts, read 5,214,489 times
Reputation: 8394
[quote=hawaiiancoconut;33258871]I don't find it unusual. A spouse can be replaced, but a good lifelong friend/s are hard to come by.[/QUOTE

I guess I believe the opposite. A friend can often just as easily be replaced. I could easily replace the two I spoke of with better people (they were not lifelong, but it had been about 18 years) and without all the legal/ceremonial "mumbo jumbo" with the somewhat less than sincere re-gathering of the familiy, friends, relatives to proclaim one's "lifetime" commitment to a 2nd, 3rd, or later person. Again, there are a lot of good divorced people out there. I am judging the comparison more so than the people themselves.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2014, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,413 posts, read 5,214,489 times
Reputation: 8394
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshallV84 View Post
Life long friendships shouldn't end. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my 3 closest friends that I've known going on thirty years.

Sure, we have our own busy lives but it's always great catching up with them. We know everything about each other, all the crazy **** we've done that none of us would admit to our wives/gf's. It's nearly impossible to replace those people!

It's a completely different thing than a man/women relationship.
See, I'll never get why people are so judgemental toward friendships ending and so forgiving about marriages ending. The marriage relationship is the one where you promise (most of us to a minister) lifelong commitment in front of family, friends and relatives. The logic suggests marriages are more serious and easily so. We agree to disagree.

I can find a good person to be my friend and sometimes you reach a point where it is not working. Maybe you decide to just be acquaintances (say hello and talk when you run into each other by chance or invited to same BBQ, party, etc). Or you just move your separate ways altogether. I don't get to define friendship for you and you don't get to define it for me. The idea that it MUST be for a lifetime is archaic IMO. Some people end up being enemies because they were too stubborn to go their separate ways at an earlier point. I have some friends that I am confident are lifetime friends, but there is no absolute guarantee. I will never accept the idea that marriage vows are less binding than friendships established with no vows.

Thanks for sharing.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top