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Old 02-03-2014, 09:31 AM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,634,791 times
Reputation: 1484

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Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
The manipulation is the fact that she asked for a "break" but not for what she was intending it to be. She used it as a way to go have sex twice with some random guy. That is "manipulation" for lack of a better word.
Egh you don't know if she intended to use the break in that manner. That's a toss up.

 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:31 AM
 
1,115 posts, read 1,192,365 times
Reputation: 882
Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie View Post
That seems to be the crux of why he deserves to know.

After all plenty care about what their SOs did before yet somehow it shouldn't matter yet in this context it seems to matter because he'd be a chump in perception.
Nah, it matters because it would certainly change my view of how much my girl cared about me if a two week break was all it took for her to sleep around. Sure, I'd be a chump if I took her back too, but in reality, I'd view the relationship quite differently and not want to be a part of it any longer.
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:33 AM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,634,791 times
Reputation: 1484
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
Taking a break and breaking up are two different things. She asked for a break, not a break up. A break suggests that in that time you are contemplating the relationship. A break up is the end. No more relationship. In that context, she can do whatever the hel l she wants! Big difference.
That's your opinion/definition of a break. The only one that matters is the OPs and the break going by her posts suggests that it was defined by both or assumed by her that sleeping with others is acceptable considering how she states she was single and is seemingly dismissive of the notion of him sleeping with others during the break.
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:33 AM
 
3,636 posts, read 3,416,937 times
Reputation: 4324
Quote:
Originally Posted by rationalmale18 View Post
You would be a chump if you took her back. Plain and simple.
He would be a "chump" - whatever that means - in my opinion if he made that the primary focus of his decision. I think he has more pressing matters to consider in taking her back than what she might have done while the relationship was over.

In his position my primary concern - maybe even my only one - would be why she suspected me of some wrong doing (the nature of this wrong doing has not been revealed to us alas - but a few people have assumed a sexual indiscretion on his part I guess) without any evidence or substance.

To have my trustworthiness questioned by the person who claims to love me most would be the primary focus of my decision to take her back or not. And given trust is a massive focus for me in relationships - I would likely find myself erring towards "not".

She messed up there big time - and I hope she learned from it - but I know if it were me I would find it hard to consider taking her back in the face of having my honesty questioned in such a fashion.
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:33 AM
 
1,115 posts, read 1,192,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
So it is before you KNOW someone now? Thats one hell of a goal post shift. So for example if two people have known each other since they were 4 - but end up getting into a romantic relationship when they are 35 - then because they knew each other since 4 all their sexual history has to be on the table? Really? Wow.



But they were not. She was single at the time. She says this herself that that was the kind of break they had. She was - for all intents and purposes - single. Single is not "in the midst of a relationship".



Speak for yourself - you certainly do not speak for me. If I broke up with one of my girlfriends tomorrow and ended up back with her later down the road - I would not care to know what she did or did not engage in during that interval.

If YOU would care - that is fine. That is you. But you do not speak for everyone. Or in fact anyone - other than yourself.
You are a polygamous, if you aren't lying in some of your earlier posts. Your worldview is different than many and honestly doesn't have much bearing in normal reality.
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,139,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie View Post
Egh you don't know if she intended to use the break in that manner. That's a toss up.

I can't read minds and asking the op straight out seems fruitless, since she doesn't appear to be honest. I do know that's what she intended because that is what happened. Again, actions speak louder than words. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it's a duck. See how simple that was. I didn't need to psych-analyze her brain. I just had to look at her "actions".
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:36 AM
 
3,636 posts, read 3,416,937 times
Reputation: 4324
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
Taking a break and breaking up are two different things. She asked for a break, not a break up. A break suggests that in that time you are contemplating the relationship. A break up is the end. No more relationship. In that context, she can do whatever the hel l she wants! Big difference.
That depends on the break. A lot of people on the thread appear to have assumptions about what a "break" entails. Some minority appear to assume that fidelity is somehow assumed to be an unspoken rule.

My position would be different. NOTHING should be assumed during a "break". Especially a break that occoured in circumstances of anger and suspicion.

It is up to those engaging in a break to set the terms of that break. Anyone who simply assumes fidelity is an unspoken feature is in danger of having that assumption blow up in their face.

If people take one thing and one thing only away from this thread - it should be that if you ever have a "break" in your relationship - make NO assumptions about what that actually entails. Lay out your expectations clearly and concisely and cordially.

The OP here in her second post on the thread makes it very clear that fidelty was NOT a characteristic of this "break" in her head. She saw herself as single.
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:37 AM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,634,791 times
Reputation: 1484
Quote:
Originally Posted by rationalmale18 View Post
Nah, it matters because it would certainly change my view of how much my girl cared about me if a two week break was all it took for her to sleep around. Sure, I'd be a chump if I took her back too, but in reality, I'd view the relationship quite differently and not want to be a part of it any longer.
So the reasons seem to be mostly emotional not logical it's either he cares about what she did (bit off why this caring is more than others who are with their SO or about to be), change view of how much she cares, he looks like a chump, it's amoral, and the only logical one to me was it's manipulation (yet that was invalidated when other cases of withholding information to influence decisions are not manipulation).

Bit curious as to why it'd certainly change your view considering I would have imagine quite a lot of guys acknowledge sex and emotions can be compartmentalize or do you somehow feel a right/ownership to her body that you feel she is breaching?
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:39 AM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,634,791 times
Reputation: 1484
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
I can't read minds and asking the op straight out seems fruitless, since she doesn't appear to be honest. I do know that's what she intended because that is what happened. Again, actions speak louder than words. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it's a duck. See how simple that was. I didn't need to psych-analyze her brain. I just had to look at her "actions".
It seems more like you just projected your own meaning onto her actions though do tell how her actions simply showed she intended to use this to sleep around especially when she seemingly only slept with one person?
 
Old 02-03-2014, 09:40 AM
 
Location: NYC
5,196 posts, read 4,649,829 times
Reputation: 7942
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
That depends on the break. A lot of people on the thread appear to have assumptions about what a "break" entails. Some minority appear to assume that fidelity is somehow assumed to be an unspoken rule.

My position would be different. NOTHING should be assumed during a "break". Especially a break that occoured in circumstances of anger and suspicion.

It is up to those engaging in a break to set the terms of that break. Anyone who simply assumes fidelity is an unspoken feature is in danger of having that assumption blow up in their face.

If people take one thing and one thing only away from this thread - it should be that if you ever have a "break" in your relationship - make NO assumptions about what that actually entails. Lay out your expectations clearly and concisely and cordially.

The OP here in her second post on the thread makes it very clear that fidelty was NOT a characteristic of this "break" in her head. She saw herself as single.
You're so busy arguing your position, did you even bother reading the title of this thread? If the OP thinks like you do, this thread would be titled, "My boyfriend and I took a break and I did something totally within my rights!"
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