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I also wanted to add ... the boyfriend who asked me to marry him at 16 is now an oncologist and/or cancer researcher (MD). When I saw that I was, like "oops!" but he was so annoying and sappy ...
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Sometimes these things just happen. I'm single too, and I don't at all regret it. I want to be single in my thirties, and then single in my fourties and so on. There's more to life than just being able to say "Yup, I sure do love someone".
I married my high school sweetheart. He was so wonderful. Then by 25 he was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict with some serious psych issues.
It was no Fairy Tale ending.
The one who got away...how easy it is to think 'my life would have been so wonderful if I wound up with him or her.' OP, you have no idea that it would have all been roses. We all have one we think of this way...keep it to yourself as it might upset your wife.
I DO NOT think marrying young is a good idea. I believe you need to experience life, do your own thing, see the world and become your own person before getting married and having a family.
Not every person who is 40 and single is a wacko or loser...maybe they are a bit set in their ways but at least they didn't settle out of desperation. In addition, if people are alone again after 30 or 40 or 50 or 60(as in a divorce) these things do happen. What about if their spouse dies?
Please don't generalize. It's offensive.
One of my aunts had me marked down as a loser (at 25) because I was unmarried and didn't have any 'prospects' (despite my great education)..funny, I met and married my husband right after I turned 26.
I believe some people ARE HAPPY being single. They aren't losers. My sister in law is a wonderful single gal turning 40 in December. She lives a full life and would be a wonderful wife and mother if she only met a decent man.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,763,471 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelleleigh
KevK, whatever you do dont tell your wife this, my husband once told me that he will never love someonel like his first feince, Evan though he has said that he now relizes he loves me more it still hurts, part of me wanders if he ever bumps into her will he get up and leave.
No I would not get up and leave. But I do still have some feeling for the girl. I really didn't think I did until her cousin called me and said she had congestive heart failure and was rushed to a hospital. Luckily she lived and now has a pacemaker. But if it had gone bad, I really would have been hurt. Like a piece of me died too. Even after over 30 years of not seeing or talking to her.
I don't think it necessarily matters what age you marry, if you are both willing to put in the time, effort and sacrifices it takes to be married, go for it (but really really think it through). If you are not willing to deal with every aspect of married life (YES THAT MEANS GOOD AND BAD), no matter what your age you should not get married.
I myself got married when I was 20, my husband was 24, we have been happily married for going on 7 years. Honestly for people in our age group that is a major miracle (most of our friends that were married are already divorced). We both went it to our marriage with the state of mind that divorce is not an option. We had a long engagement, we went to pre marriage counseling, we have good marriage role models, we include each other in every aspect of each others lives (from money, friends to goals and dreams).
Believe you me, we have had some hard times, sometimes I feel like we are being tested on a daily basis (we have had identity theft, job loss, building a house, lots of sickness, etc), but I know every trial we make it through it only makes our marriage stronger and better. I know we will have many more hard times to come, that is life, those don't end, but we also have many years of happiness to look forward to.
You gotta get through the rough patches to really appreciate the good times.
I think the OP just has fond memories of his first love. It's kind of that "forbidden fruit" thing - her parents didn't like him, so she became more desirable. Let's face it, the less available something/someone is the more people want them.
My parents married young - mom was 18 and dad was 25. They have now been married for about 45 *blissful* years. Yeah, they fight like cats and dogs and none of us kids wants to go to their house when they're both home.
I don't think it matters at what age you marry but I do think at whatever age it should be for the right reasons and not to live a normal looking life. Marriage is a life-long committment. From what I can tell most people cannot handle it or they conveniently change their mind when the relationship dynamics shift. Perhaps it's a symptom of an out of date premise of lifelong monogamy - back in the days when people got married in their early teens and then only lived to be 40 - if up to that age at all. Whatever the case I see no point in getting up in front of friends and family if you don't really believe the "vows" you are giving... none at all. Stay "happily unmarried" if you aren't positive. I do believe when you give vows it means something, so choose your vows carefully if nothing else.
My advice to my kids often goes the opposite of many folks. Many of them say "wait and get married later". I say the earlier the better. Why? Because of my own feelings and experiences. I honestly feel guilty. I love my wife. I love her much. But I can honestly say that I have never loved anybody as much as I loved that girl back in high school. And sometimes I think I really missed my calling because I am not married to her. I loved her so much that I cannot even describe it. Unfortunately I was not an "ideal candidate" and her folks hated me so the relationship could not be made to work. And to be honest I was kind of moving things along a bit fast for her anyway. One day in the summer, they just packed up and moved away. She later married a farmer and they had a couple of kids. But I always think that she was the one true love that I will ever have known. So I tell my kids that, if you can honestly say you feel the same way about somebody and they about you, then go for it because it will only come around once. Not only that but after a certain age- around 25- almost all the quality mates are gone. All that will be left for you to choose from is divorcees, left overs and rejects that everybody else passed up. If people are single and over 30, there is a reason for it.
You need to let go of the hurts and hangups of your past. There are methods for doing this. Do a search on Google. I recommend you pursue one or more of them because instead of living in the now you are hung up on the past. If you are indeed as old as I think you are, you have spent long enough mourning this former relationship of yours and following your ex-girlfriend's life. You are miserable because you haven't been living in the now for years. Trust me, with proper self-reflection you can solve this problem of yours and the advice you give others will thus reflect more sound thinking (so you don't inadvertantly mis-advise others).
My advice to my kids often goes the opposite of many folks. Many of them say "wait and get married later". I say the earlier the better. Why? Because of my own feelings and experiences. I honestly feel guilty. I love my wife. I love her much. But I can honestly say that I have never loved anybody as much as I loved that girl back in high school. And sometimes I think I really missed my calling because I am not married to her. I loved her so much that I cannot even describe it. Unfortunately I was not an "ideal candidate" and her folks hated me so the relationship could not be made to work. And to be honest I was kind of moving things along a bit fast for her anyway. One day in the summer, they just packed up and moved away. She later married a farmer and they had a couple of kids. But I always think that she was the one true love that I will ever have known. So I tell my kids that, if you can honestly say you feel the same way about somebody and they about you, then go for it because it will only come around once. Not only that but after a certain age- around 25- almost all the quality mates are gone. All that will be left for you to choose from is divorcees, left overs and rejects that everybody else passed up. If people are single and over 30, there is a reason for it.
Lots of people relive their high-school sweetheart fantasies in their minds, doing the "what-if" thing. But there are also lots of us who married our high school sweethearts who can tell you that life doesn't always live up to the fantasy, and instead we're doing the "what if I could get those years of my life back and do it over" fantasy. Everyone has a "what-if" scenario they can play out in their heads. At the end of the day, we have to face the reality that is our lives.
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