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I'm a senior in college (winter graduation next year) and because of my major and clubs I've chosen to be a part of I've managed to pretty much avoid women I'd want to date for the last 2 and a half years. I haven't had a GF since I broke up with my high school girlfriend shortly after leaving for college.
I've met random women via "cold approach" and that's resulted in a couple short term hookup type situations. I know how the "cold approach game" works and in theory I'm ok with it. Its to the point on a lot of things and doesn't require investing in someone that might not like me back. The problem is I think many women think I'm trying to hook up with them. Really that's not what I want but if it ends up turning into that I'll probably still go for it. I do want a serious relationship.
Also I haven't been that proactive about it and have mostly been hitting on women when its convenient and I haven't been going out of my way to put myself in more situations where there are single women. That might be some of why I've only met women who don't take my advances seriously. My game probably isn't that good.
Something I have been considering is going to more clubs/events on campus and meeting women there. The reason I am going to these things would 100% be to meet single women. I'd actually be taking time away from things I already enjoy with my friends to do these new things. Not to say I wouldn't enjoy these new activities too but there are other things I'd rather do and I'm going to have to do less of. Looking online this seems to be the method that is recommended the most that I actually have control over.
I'm thinking the way I want to do this is start a rotation of clubs I routinely participate in but only do the bare minimum to be a regular. Then start dropping clubs if there aren't any women I'm interested in after a couple meetings. Then maybe if I've gone a month without so much as a date I'll stop going.
- Is this kind of activity frowned upon? If women knew this is what I'm doing would they be less interested? Like I said they still be clubs I have some interest in but normally wouldn't join.
- Will joining clubs just to meet women be any better than cold approach for meeting women who are more serious? If not I won't bother and just work on the "cold approach" a bit more.
- How do I pick up women I meet this way? What kind of progression or steps do I need to take for that to work differently than cold approach? I assume using any sort of game is bad and I'd be better off just talking to her for a week or two and trying to flirt some. Then asking her out shortly after unless there is some sort of advantage I don't know about to waiting.
I actually think it's a good idea. Joining clubs gives you the opportunity to get to know women over time. So give each venue a good shot, unless there are no women there. You let them get to know you and get comfortable with you over time, let conversations happen naturally, and see if there's a spark with anyone. (Again, it takes time for people to get to know you well enough for a spark to occur. It takes time to find out what interests you have in common, maybe you grew up near each other, that sort of thing.) I think you have the general idea of how to proceed.
I'd do both: cold approaches and clubs/group activities. You don't really need "game" (contrary to popular belief). There's a thread here on approaching women in grocery stores. Read it to get an understanding of how cold-approaching works, and why "game" isn't all that necessary.
I actually think it's a good idea. Joining clubs gives you the opportunity to get to know women over time. So give each venue a good shot, unless there are no women there. You let them get to know you and get comfortable with you over time, let conversations happen naturally, and see if there's a spark with anyone. (Again, it takes time for people to get to know you well enough for a spark to occur. It takes time to find out what interests you have in common, maybe you grew up near each other, that sort of thing.) I think you have the general idea of how to proceed.
I'd do both: cold approaches and clubs/group activities. You don't really need "game" (contrary to popular belief). There's a thread here on approaching women in grocery stores. Read it to get an understanding of how cold-approaching works, and why "game" isn't all that necessary.
How long do you think that kind of thing can take. Wondering how long I should stick around.
How long do you think that kind of thing can take. Wondering how long I should stick around.
The thing is, people can surprise you. You may show up at a club, take a look around, decide none of the women are your type, and move on. But if you'd stuck around for a few meetings (say, 4-6 meetings), something about one of the women might have got your attention. And then talking to her, you might have found that you share certain interests, and she's kind of cool. So you never know. But I think it's great you're willing to try this. This is exactly what more guys should be doing.
The thing is, people can surprise you. You may show up at a club, take a look around, decide none of the women are your type, and move on. But if you'd stuck around for a few meetings (say, 4-6 meetings), something about one of the women might have got your attention. And then talking to her, you might have found that you share certain interests, and she's kind of cool. So you never know. But I think it's great you're willing to try this. This is exactly what more guys should be doing.
More of what I'm talking about is how long should I be looking for a spark with someone? How long does that take for you or any other women you know? For me, and probably most guys, if someone is attractive enough to date I'm just going to assume they have a decent personality until they prove me wrong. So I'm ready to take a woman on a date pretty much as soon as I decide she's attractive.
I'm still not sure after carefully reading your OP what you are looking for. But I'll tell you, if hooking up is still on your brain most women can sniff that out. I'm not sure based on your OP that you have really changed your mindset about what you want. You asked how can you pick up women? What do you mean by that?
I'm still not sure after carefully reading your OP what you are looking for. But I'll tell you, if hooking up is still on your brain most women can sniff that out. I'm not sure based on your OP that you have really changed your mindset about what you want. You asked how can you pick up women? What do you mean by that?
I understood him to say he wants to get off the hookup track, and figure out a way to meet women that would set the stage for a more meaningful relationship.
I understood him to say he wants to get off the hookup track, and figure out a way to meet women that would set the stage for a more meaningful relationship.
Yet he said in the 2nd paragraph that he would still go for a hookup.
More of what I'm talking about is how long should I be looking for a spark with someone? How long does that take for you or any other women you know? For me, and probably most guys, if someone is attractive enough to date I'm just going to assume they have a decent personality until they prove me wrong. So I'm ready to take a woman on a date pretty much as soon as I decide she's attractive.
If you see someone you find attractive, you can ask them out by the 2nd meeting, maybe. But part of the point of putting yourself in a context where you can get to know people over time is that people who don't immediately strike you as attractive may become attractive as you get to know them (and visa versa, from their perspective). Someone you didn't notice the first time may catch your interest with their humor the next time, or you get to talking with them over a project, and you might discover they share one of your strongest interests or hobbies, and you suddenly click with her.
That's more what the club-joining is about. To get to know people in a laid-back atmosphere where no one needs to make a move until they feel comfortable with each other. It's kind of more a shy people's way of going about it. But anyone can use clubs/activities to meet others, obviously.
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