After 1.5 years relationship he only wants sex 2-3 times a week and rarely initiates (movies, boyfriend)
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I know, this kind of topic has probably been discussed already, but I'd really appreciate advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now, I'm 26, he'2 29. We don't live together but we spend around 6 days/nights per week together. In the beginning we had a lot of sex, at least once a day,sometimes 3 times a day and he initiated it a lot. I know that it's absolutely normal to decrease the longer you've been together. But I start thinking that my boyfriend maybe doesn't find me attractive enough anymore, or whatever it could be. Physically I haven't changed at all, I'm still skinny and work out a lot.
We have about 2-3 times sex per week (more like two times). After just 1.5 years of relationship I find that really low (after 10 years of relationship I would probably see it differently). It didn't decrease from one day to another, but the first year we had sex every day/almost every day and from then it started decreasing. He doesn't initiate it very often, maybe once every one of two weeks. When I initiate it he sometimes turns me down (I start touching his penis and he doesn't really react, just keeps watching tv), sometimes he doesn't turn me down.
I'm fine with initiating it sometimes, but at the moment I feel like it's me who initiates it most of the time. The sex is really good though and he also tells me how much he enjoys it.
His job hasn't changed at all, he has a good, pretty relaxed job and barely comes home from work tired. He also doesn't have any other problems, family-related or so. He's a healthy happy man and except of the lack of sex our relationship is going really great, we're spending a lot of time together, do things together, laugh, talk, watch movies, cuddle and kiss a lot. I just sometimes don't get it. I mean, I don't have to have sex every night. But let's say it's Saturday and we spend all day together, we could easily have sex, but he often prefers to be on the computer, cuddle, run errands or just do other stuff. It's also not a problem of me not trying to be sexy for him- as I said, I work out a lot and I have sexy underwear or sometimes I'm just in sleeping clothes without underwear. He also isn't a lazy guy, he also works out a lot and isn't the kind of guy who's in bed all day eating chips. I've tried to talk to him about it but he usually just shaked his head and said that of course he finds me attractive and that we have enough sex and that what I say doesn't make any sense (sometimes he gets pissed for it, as if I offended his maleness).
I don't know if I'm making too much of a big deal out of it or if I have reason to be worried. As I said, I don't need sex every single day, but 2-3 times a week after just 1.5 years of relationship appears really low to me, especially because we're really spending a LOT of time together (and not just see each other 2-3 times a week). I would like to have sex more, but I also don't always wanna be the person who initiates, plus I feel stupid when I start touching his penis and he just doesn't react and keeps watching tv or so (even when his penis gets a bit hard).
I dunno, but it sounds like the two of you just are a little mismatched in libido right now. Maybe something is going on with him you do not know about. The two of you need some good communication together on this, to get at the what your expectations are, and what problems you may have. You may need that communication too if you have not been able to productively discuss it.
It doesn't sound like you two have talked very much about this. It wouldn't hurt to get things out in the open.
I don't wanna make a big drama out of this and I really don't wanna put him under pressure that he has to think he HAS to give it to me or otherwise I'll make drama.
I tried to talk to him about it a few times, but as I said he usually just says that this is not true, that we're having enough sex and that I'm trying to create a problem although there is none.
I don't wanna make a big drama out of this and I really don't wanna put him under pressure that he has to think he HAS to give it to me or otherwise I'll make drama.
I tried to talk to him about it a few times, but as I said he usually just says that this is not true, that we're having enough sex and that I'm trying to create a problem although there is none.
Talking isn't about making big drama. However, if your not being satisfied in the relationship, it will take it's toll. Also, if he has an issue which is reducing his desire for you, that will take it's toll on him.
Have you tried initiating sex at different times or in a more gradual way? I know I would feel really annoyed if I were watching a TV program I was really interested in and hubs started feeling me up like he could see I was in the middle of doing something else and he didn't give a care about interrupting because clearly what he wanted was more important than what I wanted. I wonder if you would get a different reaction if you waited until a point where he wasn't in the middle of doing something, and then started with some flirting instead?
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