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I don't think it was so much the monetary value as much as it was an indication to him that he was moving too fast into things and then began to back himself up.
The reason that I say this is because also around this time he began to make little comments about my marital status... My final divorce decree is not due for another month. It was not an issue to friend when we first started this. In fact we had a conversation about it... he saying it did not bother him since he was in the same situation himself years ago so he knew how it was first hand.
After the christmas exchange.. (and us spending christmas eve and new years eve together) he began making little comments about that I was married and began to not be as available.
I tried to not be stalkish with the text message. 2 messages were sext type messages, a voice mail was also sexual in nature then one was very polite and guarded, finally a voice message asking that he is either annoyed at me or want to stop contact.
I wasn't sure if it was over or if he needed to cool off and get some space. I was getting 2 different advices... some saying let things simmer until April or May. Let him reach out to me... Others saying to move on. It is over. I didn't want to walk away from something that could be remedy if I don't react out of haste or pride.
the no sex attitude is his way of letting me know that he is an older seasoned man and is not dictated by his little head. That he could do without sex.
Well, if you re-read your OP, it sounds like you got involved sexually at a time that felt "too soon" for you. That's one way to avoid this type of thing, is to wait until you know the person better before moving the dating to the next level. If he's not ok with your wanting to take it slowly, you walk.
I think this ^^^ is what you should focus on, OP. Learn to TRUST YOUR GUT.
You also may need therapy to get back on your feet emotionally after the divorce.
I am trying to figure out what went wrong so that I don't repeat mistakes.
Here is my story shorter version...
I am in the final stages of a divorce.... 22 years. I have 3 kids, 2 in college and one in high school (shared custody). The relationship with ex is more or less amicable and not intrusive on either side... (marriage has been over for some time now.. just making it legal).
After 22 years of marriage I decided to try dating. Want to experience life and do things I have never done before.
I never truly dated before. Met ex in late teens and we became an item almost the day we met... so none of this dating game.
I decide to try online dating service. My goal was to meet new people and casual date. Was a bit nervous about non committed sexual relationship...but that seems to be the way things go these days.. was willing to do that as well.
I stopped reading right there. No idea where you get the idea that that is the "way things go these days".
I don't think it's about the gift. It sounds like he just didn't want to juggle his family obligations and a relationship. It also may well be that you came on a lot stronger and faster, emotionally, than he was ready for the first place. Your comment about being FWB was not only a slap in his face, but perhaps more of an indication to him that you were desperate.
He certainly could have been more honest about his reasons for pushing you away. That would erased all your doubts.
Live and learn, but it's sad that it has to be the hard way so often.
I stopped reading right there. No idea where you get the idea that that is the "way things go these days".
LOL. I concur. But give OP a break she hasn't had any in years. Having almost divorced myself, I can relate. The OP must really be confused and hurt. But even then, I can't imagine just banging anyone I met. I just don't roll like that.
In fact, I was at a loss where to meet people next because I kind of swore off online dating sites.
OP you really should focus on yourself first and foremost. It seems you're the type that doesn't know how to be single for long.
And honestly I would not bother contacting the guy anymore. If he really is into you he will come back to you even if you did nothing really.
In your case you already bombarded him with your sexts so all you really have to do is wait if he bites back.
Omaraz, thank you for saying one thing that I needed to hear.... "Also remember that you don't need to wait for a guy that is relationship material to date, you can get a lot of practice and have fun by just going out on dates"
This guy seemed to be "too good to be true" I even wondered how he wasn't already in a relationship. Nice looking, good job, seemed to be a good devoted dad... even treated ex-wife decent and with respect and good regard.
So now I have been encouraged to go back to the drawing board... and I when I took a peek, no one I have noticed is even in the same ballpark. Which then made me redouble my efforts to reconnect with this guy. His interest in me was so amazing to me that I could even date someone who scored 8/10 or higher in my dating criteria. It was such a boost to my ego and confidence coming out of a bad and emotionally abusive marriage.... (ex used to tell me how I was bag of sh$t and no one would want me.) I did a lot of self improvement, and finally left him... and then WOW, I met and date really the best quality guy ever in my life... and for it to end so abruptly and callously.... It just make me question and doubt myself....
I know that is a lot to hang on a dating for several months encounters... but I felt boosted by it and now I feel pulled way down by its demise.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, I too have seen men do the disappearing act. He's the one with the problem. Women tend to easily get attached to a man when they start having sex. Men are able to have sex and not necessarily get attached like women do. That is why I feel having sex even after two months is too soon for women.
yeah, my limit was usually 3 months of steady dating before sex. But it was true,,, I let my hormones get the best of me because I was like a kid in the candy store.... just relished in finally being sexually active. Had been nearly 4 years since I was active at all and was now much harder to go slow because now I had someone actually pushing those buttons.
Also, for years I hear about people having extra marital affairs, one night stands, sex with friends, "spare and pair" type of relationships... I thought to have dated consistently for 2 months seemed rather substantial in these times. And we never really petted...I figured he wanted me to feel relaxed and trust him. Not once did I have to stop any petting or hand maneuvers. In fact I begin to wonder if he was attracted to me that way. So I felt I was in control of things and I made the decision to embark on sex.
Based on some of your other posts, it sounds to me like the guy crossed his own personal boundaries with you and made a decision to back off. It seems to have been really bothering him that you were still married ... that may have been crossing a boundary for him. Further, having sex with a married woman may have further crossed a boundary for him. For many people it doesn't matter if divorce proceedings are in the works -- married is married.
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