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If I got divorced three years after a beautiful dream wedding, I'd be ticked about spending that money. I also can't imagine that three years of true marital bliss would be abruptly punctuated by a surprise divorce.
Believe me, I was.
OP, it really depends on the reasons for the split and the people involved. Other than me being annoyed about the money, my ex-hub and I had a very amicable divorce. I've had break-ups that went much more painfully (death of a dream) or with more anger. My divorce was easier than my current break-up, actually, because I have some resentment for my most recent ex-SO that I did not have, and could never have, toward my ex-hub. My ex-hub's willingness to commit his life to me was a sign of hope and faith no other man has shown me, and I respect that.
It can, usually when the woman experiences some discontentment and ALSO has tons of options. If she experiences some rough patch and has guys hitting on her left and right she can just get a divorce.
Its more common than you think. Women who have less options are less likely to do this.
Discontentment and a rough patch aren't my definition of marital bliss.
Been through both and hands down, divorce. Even though I asked for it, was a brutal experience and left me in the whole financially. Don't think all men "pay" for it. Such a myth.
Discontentment and a rough patch aren't my definition of marital bliss.
That is true, so when a woman wants out I say let her take her stuff and go so I can bring a new women in without selling the house, paying lawyers, huge payments long after she is gone, etc. The new women does not want to deal with a broke guy getting taken to the cleaners by an ex.
If a woman loves a man then she loves him enough to not put him in that situation in the first place, thats why I say a woman who pressures marriage in say the first 10 years does not really love her man.
The pain I am referring to in the original post was that of emotional pain... not about which situation comes out ahead financially.
Couple of points to note:
Divorce has become so common now that it seems about as common as a breakup!
If one has been in a relationship for an extended period of time, say 3-4 years, then breaking up after that could be just as emotionally wrecking as a divorce. What difference does a piece of paper saying you are married make? You are still committed and that is broken...in addition it's a lot worse financially for the lesser partner. In a divorce you've invested time and you get some financial return in the settlement, in a relationship you get nothing for your efforts, infact you've lost valuable time. So, a breakup should feel way worse overall.
For women who wanted children, perhaps they have got married, fulfilled their desires to have children and then get divorced... so even though a divorce is terrible they have got to have children and a settlement etc. A breakup - well, your bio clock has been wasted, potential dream of having children wrecked, dream of your beautiful wedding day ruined etc. etc. sounds like a way worse situation to me.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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You kidding right?
A breakup is usually a one day event and can be forgotten after a weekend of alcohol. A divorce will take at least a year in Virginia and you could be dealing with long court dates and lawyer meetings. Plus you obviously invest more in a marriage than a non-marriage.
That is true, so when a woman wants out I say let her take her stuff and go so I can bring a new women in without selling the house, paying lawyers, huge payments long after she is gone, etc. The new women does not want to deal with a broke guy getting taken to the cleaners by an ex.
If a woman loves a man then she loves him enough to not put him in that situation in the first place, thats why I say a woman who pressures marriage in say the first 10 years does not really love her man.
Whatever works for you. I would not have spent my prime years on someone who wouldn't put some skin in the game. I can't imagine trying to pick through the men who think a woman is washed up by 30.
Divorce has become so common now that it seems about as common as a breakup!
While this may be your perception, it just is not true.
Your definition of emotional pain seems to involve how much you have left to "show" for the time spent in a relationship. Don't buy into the cliche about marriage being nothing more than a piece of paper. That is such crap.
Until you've been married, your theories just sound naive.
Don't buy into the cliche about marriage being nothing more than a piece of paper. That is such crap.
I really don't see how marriage adds anything more to an existing long term relationship than just legalizing the union with a piece of paper really.... what else is there? When two people are living together for an extended period of time, professing to each other that they love each other then they are in a similar commitment to marriage. Why is the paper needed?
So, married people do say "until death do us part" but hey, does anyone actually mean that? Or is it more like "until death do us part OR I can't take anymore of your BS"?? Given that so many are mean the latter when they say the former, the latter is functionally equivalent to the commitment level of a long term relationship.
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